Not Everything That Feels Urgent Is Urgent: Telling the Difference Between Real Urgency and Anxiety

Not Everything That Feels Urgent Is Urgent: Telling the Difference Between Real Urgency and Anxiety

An uncomfortable email arrives and you feel like you have to answer right now. A text goes unanswered and you need to know why. You remember a small task and it has to be done before you can sit down. Urgency can feel like important information, but sometimes it's anxiety in a very convincing disguise.

In this final episode of our September series on our relationship with doing, I bring the month together by looking at what sits underneath so many of these patterns: urgency. We explore how thoughts and physical sensations reinforce each other, why our brains get so good at "handling it" to find relief, and how to tell the difference between actual urgency (about the situation) and emotional urgency (about the discomfort the situation creates inside us). This isn't about ignoring what matters or swapping urgency for avoidance. It's about creating enough space between the feeling and the action to realize you have a choice.

In this episode, we explore:

• The difference between actual urgency and emotional urgency, with real-life examples
• "Open loops" and why unresolved things feel so hard to leave alone
• How we create activity when we can't create certainty
• A favorite CBT question: Am I responding to a fact or a prediction?
• False deadlines, or "discomfort deadlines," and the questions that expose them (According to whom? By when? What happens if I wait?)
• Urgency vs. avoidance vs. regulation, and what flexible responding looks like
• Why so much healing is learning we can survive an unfinished moment

This week's Healing Experiment:

Identify one false deadline. When your brain says "do it now," ask what the actual deadline is. If there isn't one, create a small intentional delay (10 minutes, 30 minutes, or until tomorrow) and notice what thoughts, body sensations, and fears show up. Then ask: Is this urgency giving me useful information, or is it asking me to make discomfort disappear?

This week's takeaway:

Not everything that feels urgent is urgent. The feeling is real, but it doesn't have to be an instruction. Sometimes the most regulating thing you can do isn't fixing the problem. It's discovering that you can wait.

Resources mentioned:

Visit my Healing Library at heal.jessicacolarcolcsw.com to find:

• Your Personal Care Plan (free worksheet): a way to care for yourself that takes your actual capacity into account
• Nervous System Regulation Plan: a self-guided resource for understanding your nervous system more deeply
• Why You Can't Stop: my 7-module course for going deeper into the patterns we explored all September

Catch up on the September series:

Why You Can't Stop • Why Rest Doesn't Always Feel Restful • You Don't Have to Earn Rest • Nervous System Regulation Isn't the Same as Being Calm

Connect:

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▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@healingismyhobby

🩺 Clinical website: jessicacolarcolcsw.com

📷 Instagram: @jessicacolarcolcsw

🎵 TikTok: @jessicacolarcolcsw

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