The Compassion Hack That Changes How You See People

When someone we love does something that frustrates or hurts us, it's easy to jump to the worst meaning. Why would they say that? Why don't they appreciate me? Why do they feel that way about the church?

In this episode, Brooke shares a simple phrase that has helped her and her clients trade judgment for compassion: "I've felt like that before." She walks through real examples, from a mom whose little boy had meltdowns, to a gift that never got a thank you, to a husband who didn't want to spend his Saturday at a six year old's birthday party. When we remember our own experiences, we stop needing to control others in order to feel loved, and we make room for honesty, trust, and connection.

But what about when you haven't felt that way before? Brooke talks about the two big ones, politics and religion, and how curiosity, good questions, and seeing people as three dimensional can help us respect someone even when we don't agree. She also shares a leadership framework from Jeff Thompson of the Sorensen Center at BYU, shared on the Follow Him podcast: express love, honor agency, and invite accountability.

In this episode:

• Why "I've felt like that before" calms our own nervous system first
• How empathy helped a mom connect with her son during meltdowns
• Feeling unsure at church, and how our own experiences help us support our kids
• Gifts that don't land, and remembering the ones we didn't love either
• Letting a spouse tell the truth without making it mean he doesn't love your family
• What to do when you can't relate: ask questions and look for the good
• Expressing love, honoring agency, and inviting accountability, including with an adult child's choices

Mentioned in this episode:

• Elder Lynn G. Robbins, "Which Way Do You Face?"
• Jeff Thompson on the Follow Him podcast

Share this episode with someone who'd love it, and sign up for my newsletter at brookeoniki.com for more coaching on your relationships with your adult kids, your husband, and yourself.