PTSD, Post-Traumatic Growth, and Prioritizing Mental Health with Jason Kander

When a child is particularly emotionally intelligent, and a parent is particularly emotionally vulnerable, an inversion of the typical relationship can occur where the child devotes themselves to meeting the parent’s needs rather than the other way around. This can lead the child to lose touch with their own wants and needs – with their authentic self – which then leads to underlying feelings of worthlessness, uncertainty, and self-alienation in adulthood. Extreme versions of this pattern are known as parentification, but mild to moderate versions are surprisingly common. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can heal from the effects of these difficult early experiences and rediscover who we truly are.  This material was completely eye-opening for me, and it’s one of my favorite episodes we've ever produced. Want to learn more? Check out Alice Miller’s classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child. Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:55: Distinction between parentification and the gifted child 5:05: Serving a psychological function - what is the “gift” we’re talking about? 7:50: Self-definition vs. defining yourself through relationship 10:30: Examples of generational patterns 16:45: Accumulation of subtle forms of parentification over time 21:55: Patterns of interaction, and differentiation 24:00: Summary of material so far 27:00: “The manic defense against depression” 30:30: What can people do? 35:00: Love, aspiration, and power in parenting styles 40:20: Creating a coherent (and balanced) narrative 43:30: Seductive narratives, grief not shame, claiming your nature 51:25: What emotions were you permitted? 53:35: Recap Wednesday Meditation Group: Join Rick for his freely offered online weekly meditation, talk, and discussion. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Jul 20221h 2min

A little while ago, we had an episode on self-awareness where Rick emphasized how the majority of what people have to become self-aware of is the good inside themselves. The point felt significant enough to expand into a full episode about how to connect with our best parts. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson focus on how to accept, appreciate, and connect with our positive aspects, and how to deal with some of the developmental blocks that prevent us from embracing the good in ourselves. We look at how the culture we’re in affects our perspective, how to manage fears of conceit, and how to experience more intimacy and courage by releasing cynicism. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:20: What gets in the way of us hearing the good news about ourselves? 5:40: Stories we’re told about ourselves that form our identity10:45: Reconnecting with childhood positive qualities 17:10: Intentions, talents, efforts 23:25: Avoiding conceit and the fear of sounding conceited 30:40: Releasing ideas that human nature is fundamentally bad 34:25: Tribalism 36:35: Seeing the cultural water we swim in 41:15: Intimacy, cynicism, courage 46:40: Cherishing ourselves and others 47:35: Recap   Wednesday Meditation Group: Join Rick for his freely offered online weekly meditation, talk, and discussion. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.   Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

27 Jun 202255min

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is the result of the slow accumulation of many small traumatic experiences over time. On our most popular Being Well episode to date, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explored the details of CPTSD with Pete Walker, and on today’s episode, Forrest is joined by his partner Elizabeth Ferreira to discuss the topic through a more personal lens. Elizabeth shares her CPTSD origin story, what CPTSD feels like, and how to create a compassionate environment with or without a therapist so you can safely process grief, experience out repressed emotions, and learn to express your needs. Check out Elizabeth's NEW PODCAST! About our Guest: Elizabeth is a recent graduate of the Somatic Psychology program at the California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS), and is currently earning hours toward her MFT license. She creates content on YouTube and Instagram focused on CPTSD, PMDD, and becoming a more whole version of who you are. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: Elizabeth’s story 5:20: Trauma in the broader family system 8:40: A “normal” story 11:50: Loneliness, and the parts of us we leave behind 15:00: Repressed emotions 17:10: Adverse childhood experiences 20:35: Stepping out of adverse environments 25:15: Trauma work as grief work 29:10: Symptoms of Complex PTSD 34:50: How do you need to be comforted? 37:30: Creating the sense of safety 40:30: Somatic interventions 45:30: Being witnessed 47:10: Claiming your needs 50:10: Facing the dreaded experience 53:50: Accuracy vs. sensitivity 57:05: Hidden parts 1:00:00: Start by joining 1:04:20: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

20 Jun 20221h 11min

You might have heard the line “attachment is the root of suffering.” It comes from the Buddha, but you don’t have to be a Buddhist to recognize that becoming overly attached to a particular outcome, person, or view of yourself can lead to a lot of suffering. At the same time, there are clearly things that are sensible to be attached to – like our loved ones, a basic moral compass, and fundamentals like food and shelter. So, what’s the problem with attachment? On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss the problem with attachment, what differentiates healthy and unhealthy forms of attachment, and what we can do to relax attachment over time. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Learning from Buddhism without trying to be a Buddhist 8:45: Two kinds of suffering 12:00: Distinguishing healthy desire and unhealthy desire 19:40: Markers of problematic attachments 24:10: Self-concept, and an example from Forrest of relaxing attachment  30:25: Balancing "Right View" and nonattachment 42:25: Pain and release 50:55: What’s useful for you? 55:45: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Jun 20221h 1min

On one of our favorite episodes of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by author and therapist Terry Real to talk about how to overcome the myth of toxic individualism, break trauma cycles, and experience real intimacy in our relationships.  They discuss how to balance acceptance and agency, develop a healthy sense of trust and self-esteem, communicate what we want effectively, and experience our power through collaboration rather than dominance. Terry describes how we can move past the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture, moving away from ‘me vs. you’ and into Us. About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is the founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out June 7th. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Terry’s personal transformation 4:55: Regulating up to our parents 7:05: The Adaptive Child vs. the Wise Adult 14:25: Us vs. the delusions of individualism and patriarchy 18:05: Balancing acceptance and agency 22:45: Enlightened self-interest and working with couples 29:25: Three phases to get more of what you want in relationships without a counselor 33:35: How to support people–particularly women–in dealing with unfairness 37:15: Gendered tendencies–moving into intimacy and out of patriarchy 43:20: Shame and healthy self-esteem 49:40: Relational reckoning and relational integrity 56:55: Repairing trust and grandiosity 1:01:00: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6 Jun 20221h 10min

When was the last time you went through a day without comparing yourself to anyone? For instance, by comparing your life to someone else’s highlight reel on social media, or being critical of your own willpower and abilities? Avoiding these mental traps can be difficult in a culture that emphasizes the importance of being 'special.' Of course, we are all special – and all ordinary. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson are joined by psychologist and author Dr. Ronald Siegel to discuss why that might not be such a bad thing. They discuss how to drop the myth of the extraordinary, how to heal from feelings of inadequacy, and what healthy self-esteem looks like. About our Guest: Dr. Siegel is Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, international speaker on the topics of mindfulness and compassion, and author of several books including his latest, The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:50: What prompted Ron’s inquiry into being ordinary 7:00: Cultural and evolutionary factors 12:55: Fluctuations in self-esteem based on success and failure 16:40: Social connection as antidote 18:35: What being ordinary looks like 20:45: Three ways to drop the myth of the extraordinary 31:35: Rick’s path to healing his own feelings of inadequacy 38:55: Predispositions to having a sense of worth and value 44:40: Love vs. ‘specialness’ 48:40: Reaping the benefits of self-esteem without getting caught in its traps 56:10: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box. Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

30 Mai 20221h 3min

Anger is one of the most complex, demanding, and difficult emotions we deal with on a regular basis, in part because it has both many costs and many uses. It burdens our bodies, relationships, and the world around us. And at the same time, there is a vital energy associated with anger that is extremely powerful and, when harnessed effectively, quite useful. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore the varied ways anger surfaces, how we can relate to it, and how in recognizing what it has to tell us we can channel its energy towards good ends. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Framing anger relative to other emotions 6:15: The three poisons 12:20: Useful aspects of anger and issues with labeling it as bad 22:45: Repression and not downregulating others’ emotions 28:30: Treating anger with respect rather than fear 30:15: What supports us in healthily claiming anger? 38:00: Characteristics that can predispose people to be angry 39:40: The Empty Boat and recognizing anger as an affliction against onesself 43:10: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Have a question for us?  Email: contact@beingwellpodcast.com to submit questions or potential topics you'd like us to explore in future episodes. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Mai 202253min

Self-awareness is both one of the most important skills for a person to have, and one of the most challenging to develop. In this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore what it takes to increase self-awareness over time, the different forms of awareness that come into play, and why maintaining self-awareness can be such a struggle. Rick then emphasizes how we can develop a greater awareness of the positive aspects of ourselves.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Rick’s observations of people’s self-awareness when beginning therapy  6:10: Distinguishing internal and external self-awareness 7:40: Different types of internal self-awareness 12:20: Why is it hard to become self-aware? 18:45: Positive discoveries and Forrest’s personal experience 29:05: The natural movement toward health and sanity 33:35: What causes us to lose touch with positive aspects of our nature? 42:45: How can we cultivate more self-awareness over time? 49:45: Questions to ask yourself 54:50: A creative exercise for mapping out parts of yourself 58:10: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Have a question for us?  Email: contact@beingwellpodcast.com to submit questions or potential topics you'd like us to explore in future episodes. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Discover your full genetic potential by uploading your existing DNA test results at genomelink.io. No trial period, no credit card, and no hidden fees! Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

16 Mai 20221h 6min