Get Off My Lawn Podcast #90 | I went on an involuntary road trip with two Harry Potter fans

In today's episode of "Living in the suburbs" we meet a weird dude who's been meditating and praying in front of my house. After confronting him and assuming he was a complete mental patient, I saw him being normal at a bar where a black guy stormed in and threatened to kill us all, first with a baseball bat, then with a gun.

27 Jul 201849min

I begin the show celebrating the 35th anniversary of my favorite temper tantrum: the time George Brett attacked a ref for calling off a victory due to some stupid rule about the bat. Then we examine the time Brett got food poisoning and poo'd his pants. This strangely segues into guns and what it would be like to be a ghost.

24 Jul 201847min

In this cockamamie theory episode, I posit the assumption that you need to be at least tangentially associated with the Mediterranean to be good in bed. Girls from Montreal are good lays because they are originally French and the south of France is on the Mediterranean. Girls from Toronto, however, are not even remotely linked to that body of water and despite having kick ass bodies, they do not know what to do with them.

20 Jul 201846min

This was the speech I was going to do for my parent's 50th Anniversary party but my dad kiboshed it because he said his friends are 70 now and they don't like swear words. Oh well, his loss is your gain.

17 Jul 201846min

I start off laughing at sleepwalkers and all the stupid stuff they say but this somehow drifts into a talk about 9-11 and what it was like in NYC that day. Then it gets all heavy and I start crying like a little bitch.

13 Jul 201846min

I had food poisoning the other night and I can't help but think it was my history with LSD that enabled me to overcome the last barf session. This leads to a discussion about the long term effects of hallucinogenic drugs.

11 Jul 201835min

This ep is all farts all the time as I delve into how bad flatulence can effect how your wife feels about you. Being Scottish and also a severe alcoholic means I have a weak stomach that is constantly being abused. That leads to toots that are so severe, I've often had people in public assume there was some kind of chemical spill (not in Glasgow, of course, they know what time it is there because they have the same problems). I make a few small tangents about not being vulnerable around your significant other but this ep is almost fanatical in it's dedication to fart talk. Actually, if it was a talk show it would be called Fart Talk with Gavin McInnes.

6 Jul 201843min

After a weekend of rioting, I focus on one particular punch that summarizes the problem with millennial arrogance. Why would you pick a fight with someone who could clearly kick your ass? Because he's a Nazi? I don't get that. First of all, he isn't. Secondly, if he was, aren't you scared of him? I used to fight Nazi skinheads in the late 80s and I was petrified of every confrontation. They were very scary dudes and they kicked the crap out of us on a regular basis. This somehow segues into the number of women in action movies and how distracting it is to see a super model murder a gang of thieves who rob banks during hurricanes.

3 Jul 201855min