Episode 331 - Rough Sex... and Rougher Sex!

Gotta love relationship advice delivered in a thick New York accent. I’ve got Adam Ferrara on the show today, and we’re healing your emotional triggers so you can have thriving interpersonal connections. Capiche?  Adam and I talk meditation and breathwork for anxiety, the difference between responding and reacting to your partner, how to cultivate a felt sense of your emotions, and the difference between worry and responsibility. As a self-described co-dependent, Catholic Italian, Adam is as real as it gets about getting vulnerable and doing self-work, so you can experience better love, sex, and communication. We also help a caller in her 20s get more selfish in the bedroom – because when it comes to sex, selfishness can be a real virtue.  Show Notes: More Adam Ferrara: Youtube Comedy Special | Website | Instagram | Twitter | Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

12 Aug 202239min

Let’s talk about non-monogamy! In the nearly two decades since I’ve been doing the show, I’ve never gotten so much interest in this topic as I am right now. Which is why I’m joined today by cultural anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin, who in addition to researching non-monogamy for her books and articles, has first-hand experience opening up her own marriage.  On today’s episode, Wednesday reveals what modern sex research shows about female sexuality and long-term, monogamous relationships: a woman’s desire typically wanes between year 1 to 4. In addition, Wednesday and I discuss the difference between non-monogamy, swinging and polyamory, how to go about finding a partner outside of your primary relationship, how to set rules, and the surprising ways opening up improved her own partnership.  Show Notes: More Wednesday Martin: Website | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube Untrue by Wednesday Martin 7 Myths of Non-Monogamy Feeld Opening Up by Tristan Taormino Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement by Tammy Nelson The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships Crazy on the Inside: A Memoir of Nobody Special Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non Monogamy The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy: Your Guide to Open Relationships, Polyamory and Letting Go More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9 Aug 20221h 11min

Have you ever tried anal play? Anal sex? Because if not, here’s my question to you…what’s holding you back? For most folks, the answer is fear. We’re scared it will hurt, scared that we don’t know what we’re doing, scared we’ll feel ashamed if we just so happen to love it. That’s why I’ve got two of the anal pleasure experts on the show today, to help demystify and destigmatize anal play, and help you open up yet another pathway to pleasure. Dr. Evan Goldstein and Alicia Sinclair talk to me about anal orgasms (not a myth), the importance of anal training, how to prepare hygienically, and how to strengthen the mind-booty connection for a successful, erotic anal experience.  Show Notes: Anal Play: A Beginner's Guide OR Prostate Play 101 More Evan Goldstein: Website | Instagram | Bespoke Surgical | Future Method More B-vibe: Website | Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Aug 202247min

If you’ve never talked about your sex life with your partner before, there’s a good chance they’ll push back. Why? Because most of us go into fight or flight mode when talking about sex: it’s not normalized in our culture, we get defensive, we feel like we’re being criticized. But never fear – you can create a culture of sex communication in your relationship, one talk at a time. Be the change, is what I’m saying. On today’s hotline show, I take your calls about having a sex talk. Like: telling your wife you want her to massage your prostate. Or telling a partner you want your vanilla sex to be a little spicier. How to relax into oral and give your partner tips to make you scream, and how to tell your partner: “you know what? I need to be seduced a little before we jump into penetration.” If we can talk about sex like we talk about dinner, everyone wins! So take a listen to this episode, and see if your next sex talk isn’t a little bit easier.  Show Notes: Embodied is The New Sexy: 5 Benefits of Living a Radically Embodied Life  A+ Oral Sex for Vulvas Everybody Loves Oral Ask Emily: How Do I Better Enjoy Oral Sex?  Mind-Blowing Oral Sex in Under 5 Minutes: The Kivin Method Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

3 Aug 202225min

Do you always have sex on the the first date? Do you always swipe right on people who aren’t good for you? What are your bad dating habits – and how can you break them? I asked you to tell me what negative dating patterns you’re trying to change, and you all delivered! On today’s show, I’m addressing your top dating problems so we can solve them together. Having sex too soon, trying to “fix” less-than-ideal partners, fear of asserting yourself, having misaligned expectations, the tendency to audition people for the role of life partner – we’re covering it all, so you can feel empowered with new partners and have an amazing time with existing partners.  Show Notes: Ask Emily: Tips for French Kissing  Am I Dating a Narcissist? w/ Dr Ramani How to Not Die Alone w/ Logan Ury Orgasms and Oral (No Penetration Required)  More About EMDR Therapy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

29 Jul 202243min

When it comes to sex, why was the world set up so that vulva owners are the ones in charge of preventing a pregnancy? That’s the central question of a Twitter thread that went viral in 2018, and on today’s show I’ve got Gabrielle Stanley Blair, the author of that thread – and a forthcoming book, Ejaculate Responsibly – here to talk about it. I’m also joined by anthropologist, author, and my dear friend Dr. Wednesday Martin, to unpack this fascinating topic.  In a post-Roe world, Gabrielle is calling for a wholesale shift in the way we think about pregnancy prevention: namely, by inviting penis owners and their bodies into the conversation. On today’s show, we talk condoms and sexual pleasure, how society pressures vulva owners to become mothers, how to talk to young men about ejaculating responsibly, why MORE sex ed leads to LESS unwanted pregnancies, and why Gabrielle – mother of six and a Mormon – is passionate about arguing that women’s lives matter, and so does their pleasure.  One more thing: Can pre-ejaculate, or pre-cum, cause unwanted pregnancy? Pre-ejaculate actually does NOT contain sperm. However, any sperm remaining in the urethra from a previous ejaculation may be carried out with pre-cum which would have a chance of causing a pregnancy. The solution? Urinate before having sex to flush out any leftover sperm, and, as always, wear a condom! For more information, visit Teen Health Source. Show Notes: More Gabrielle Blair: Instagram | Twitter | Website  Gabrielle’s Viral Twitter Thread More information about her forthcoming book: Ejaculate Responsibly More Dr Wednesday Martin: Instagram | Twitter  | Website  The Secret to Better Sex? Talking About It Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 Jul 20221h

Anxiety, depression and low self-worth all block our sexual pleasure. But on a more fundamental level, they block us from showing up in the world the way we’d like: as confident, happy, sexy people. That’s why I invited my own therapist, Dr. Anadel Barbour, to talk to us through healing those intrusive thoughts. If you’re ready, your internal work starts today.  On this best-of episode, Dr. Barbour and I discuss EMDR therapy, the four foundations of mindfulness, how to physically move through trauma, healing shame, and how to know if you’re in constant fight or flight. We also touch on sex and pain, and mindfulness in and out of the bedroom. If you’ve ever considered therapy but are on the fence about it, I hope this episode gives you some encouragement – because healing emotional wounds can truly transform your sex life. Show Notes: More Dr Anadel Barbour: Website | Instagram | Twitter  Sex In Sobriety by Dr Anadel Barbour More About EMDR Therapy Overcoming 4 Common Sex Fears Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

22 Jul 202252min

Ah, weddings. So ceremonial. So floral. After two years of postponements and cancellations, IRL weddings are back – but are all those newlyweds talking about their sex life? They probably should be!  Married sex is full of tired, toxic cliches that I’m personally ready to bust. We don’t have to settle for absent or boring sex as we grow old together. So on today’s episode, I’m making the case for writing your sex vows before you walk down the aisle, helping you recreate honeymoon sex if you’ve been married for ages, and giving you a lay of the land culturally-speaking on how we’re thinking about sex and relationships now. Plus, I take your questions: how to navigate bisexuality in a straight marriage, what it means if you find yourself jealous at your friend’s weddings and how to bring back the spark…when the spark was a little dim in the first place.  Show Notes: Ask Emily: Tips for French Kissing  The Yes No Maybe List The Pleasure Planner Hinge Bumble Feeld #Open FetLife Skirt Club  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

19 Jul 202240min