Essential Stepmom Podcast9 Jul 2019

ESP 8. Understanding Loyalty: Loving The Stepchild Who Won't Let You In

The loyalty bind, or loyalty conflict as it's sometimes known, is possibly the most insidious barrier to a healthy relationship between a stepmom and her partner's children. It's not always noticeable at the start of a new family and it can become a problem at any time, even years down the road. Its very hard to help by giving love, when the problem is that the child can't allow him or herself to love you back!

1. It can happen at any time, whether bio mom is very present in their lives or not around at all.

2. It's not about you! A true loyalty bind is about the child not being able to figure out how to reciprocate your love without feeling bad inside.

3. We're not wired to have two moms at the same time (no reference to same-sex parents!). Be aware of overstepping as a "mom".

4. Choose another avatar or persona. You can be loved as an auntie or a friend's mom instead of rejected as a "bonus" mom.

5. Click here for my blog on that topic or visit http://essentialstepmom.com/blog/6-ways-to-be-a-stepmother-who-is-not-a-mom.html

6. Give more space to dad to fill their need for connection.

7. Let them choose how to show affection - propose alternate gestures like a special handshake to stand in for hugging.

8. Give it time, expect it to reappear. Recognize this vulnerable place in the child and respect it.

Please help other stepmoms to find this show by rating us on iTunes. I welcome questions from listeners and I'll be glad to address them ANONYMOUSLY of course, on a future episode! You can send an email to me at info@esentialstepmom.com

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