How to Stay Calm with Strong Willed Kids? :: Kirk Martin [Ep 479] Summer of Mentorship Week Three

How to Stay Calm with Strong Willed Kids? :: Kirk Martin [Ep 479] Summer of Mentorship Week Three

I love Kirk’s realistic approach to parenting. He understands what your home dynamics are like. And gives practical tips. After listening to today’s episode you will have at least three different “tricks” to apply.
Most of all, I’m thankful for the new perspective he has given me. Kirk helped me recognize how emotionally invested I was in my boys’ behavior and freed me from the need to regulate their behavior for them.
The last couple days I’ve enjoyed the boys more. I’m also less tense and frustrated when we are out in public. In fact, I may need to go back and listen to this episode more than once, so it sticks!
This episode originally aired in May of 2015
Kirk came back on the show multiple times. Check out additional episodes here.
What we chat about:
  • Kirk’s realization that he needed to focus on his own behavior and stop trying to fix his son’s strong-willed behavior.
  • The switch he made from training 1500 kids in his home to training parents to calm themselves.
  • The one thing you can do today to de-escalate a tense situation in your home.
  • How to calmly handle your child’s meltdown

I can only control one person in life, and that’s me.

  • How motion changes emotion–helping little ones calm down b/c they don’t know how to “think” their way out.
  • What to do in the middle of Target aisle 3 when your child freaks out
  • Handling a tantruming child when his siblings are fighting and another needs help with homework and dinner is cooking (Heather’s daily 5 pm reality).

If you don’t care enough about yourself, to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually. . .why would anyone else care?

  • How sometimes parents want good behavior so badly, they are too invested in it and give children too much control.
  • How to be an impartial giver of wisdom.
  • Write down your emotional triggers & do the opposite of what you normally do.

Connect with Kirk:
Site :: Twitter :: Facebook :: Podcast
Links Mentioned:
  • CDs/DVDs
  • 888-506-1871–Toll Free Number for Frustrated Parents

Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions:
  • Discuss Kirk’s realization that he needed to focus on his own behavior and stop trying to fix his son’s strong-willed behavior.
  • If you struggle to stay calm when your kids are out of control, what are some of your triggers?
  • Which of Kirk’s ideas to de-escalate a situation is most realistic for you? Thinking about how motion changes emotion.
  • How did you react to Kirk’s idea of being an “impartial giver of wisdom” instead of being so invested in how your kids behave?
  • Spend some time working through a part of your day that is most challenging or a situation with a particular child and brainstorm ways you could respond differently. Share with others in the group and get their ideas if you are willing.

Featured Sponsors:
  • Thrive Market: Save time and money and shop Thrive Market today. Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!
  • Better Help: This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Stop comparing and start focusing, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/dma today to get 10% off your first month.
Greenlight: This episode is sponsored by Greenlight. Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to Greenlight.com/dma.

Episoder(500)

Your Unique Color Palette and Authentic Style :: Karen Blanc [Ep 343]

Your Unique Color Palette and Authentic Style :: Karen Blanc [Ep 343]

Motherhood can be a time of self-forgetfulness. We pour into our kids, partners, careers and can lose ourselves in the process. One way I’ve rediscovered who God made me to be is learning about my unique color palette and authentic style.  In this week’s episode I chat with House of Colour Consultant, Karen Blanc. She teaches us a bit about color theory based on the work of Johannes Itten. And how based on our natural coloring, each of us harmonize best with either warm or cool colors, then either bright or muted.  “I love to give people permission to embrace something that's very near and dear to them, God's gift to you: your color palette.” We also spend some time talking about the process of discovering your authentic style based on your body architecture and personality. With some combination of styles from the basic six: dramatic, classic, natural, gamine, ingenue or romantic.  My hope is this episode will inspire you that God made you with a light to shine where you are. Through learning more about color and style you can actually spend less energy on “what to wear” and more time being who God made you to be. “To be yourself in a world constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).  Connect with Karen:  Website: House of Color — Oakland, Nebraska Facebook: knowyourWOWcolors Instagram: @houseofcolour_karenblanc Links Mentioned:   Johannes Itten — “The Art of Color” (don’t know why it’s so expensive!) House of Colour—find a consultant near you House of Colour—Dallas—Ginny Hudnut House of Colour—Erin Morgan Featured Sponsors:    Mathnasium— Whether you’re looking to get your kids back on track or want to ensure they’re staying ahead with their math studies,  find a center near you at mathnasium.com and contact them for a free in center or online consultation.

25 Okt 202149min

Fed is Best || New Baby Series Pt. 2 :: Dr. Bridget Young [Bonus]

Fed is Best || New Baby Series Pt. 2 :: Dr. Bridget Young [Bonus]

Feeding a baby is stressful enough. Choosing a formula and transitioning to formula doesn't need to be stressful too. Today's guest, Dr. Bridget Young, is a doctor of Perinatal and Pediatric Nutrition with a PhD from Cornell University in Nutritional Science.  She specializes in maternal and child nutrition. Currently she is an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Rochester Medical Center. You can read about her active research on infant formula here. In this episode Bridget (her preferred name), mom of two boys, gives advice to the new mom on how to transition from breastmilk to formula (or a new type of formula). She also explains the most important aspect that differentiates one formula from another. I ask her to explain soy formula from hypo-allergenic. And she gives great advice for how to approach your bottle feeds. Most importantly, I'm thankful to connect you with the wealth of information on her website and YouTube channel. If you're looking for even more guidance check out her course (DMA listeners get a special $10 off discount with the code: DMA10). Connect with Dr. Young: Instagram: @BabyFormulaExpert Website: Baby Formula Expert YouTube Channel Links Mentioned: Baby Formula Expert Baby Formula Course with Dr. Bridget Young use DMA10 to get $10off

22 Okt 202128min

Fed is Best || New Baby Series Pt 1 :: Demetria Martin and Dr. Odom [Ep 342]

Fed is Best || New Baby Series Pt 1 :: Demetria Martin and Dr. Odom [Ep 342]

Late nights, milk stained clothes and feeling like you’ll go crazy if your baby spits up that precious breastmilk…. I have been there. We’ve never done an episode specifically on breastfeeding, but I want to provide support to moms who may be in this very isolating time of life. My guests are Certified Lactation Counselor Demetria Martin and Pediatrician Dr. Brittany Odom and they talk us through some of the common hot topics surrounding breastfeeding from supply issues to nighttime feedings and everything else in between.  “Sometimes you don't have a good sense of community around breastfeeding. There are some pediatrician's offices that aren't super breastfeeding friendly. There might be some family members or friends who are not supportive of your breastfeeding journey. You may feel pretty alone when you're kind of starting this out. But give yourself, you know, a pat on the back for how far you have come. Even if it's been a day and a half, that's still a day and a half more than you've done before. So taking those small steps, knowing it is going to be a journey.” Ultimately, we agree that a fed baby is a happy baby, so I hope you understand my heart is not to idealize the breastfeeding journey. Just to provide resources and community so you don’t mom alone as you feed your infants!  (Later this week we will publish a bonus episode featuring another lactation consultant about how to choose the right formula for your family.) Connect with Demetria:  Website:  themilkbuds.com  Facebook: facebook.com/themilkbuds  Instagram: @themilkbuds  Connect with Dr. Brittany Odom: Instagram:  @drbrittodom Links Mentioned:   Milk Buds Lactation Services Featured Sponsors:  Fazl- Go to shopFazl.com and use the discount coated DMA to get 15% off your purchase. These socks, hats and mitts make great gifts for Christmas.  HelloFresh — Go to HelloFresh.com/dma14 and use code dma14 for up to 14 free meals, including free shipping.

18 Okt 202146min

Relationships You Need To Be the Mom You Want to Be :: Heather MacFadyen [Ep 341]

Relationships You Need To Be the Mom You Want to Be :: Heather MacFadyen [Ep 341]

Join me as I step into the role of guest on my own show! My friend Courtney Cleveland interviews me and we do go in depth on my first book, Don’t Mom Alone. **Now available wherever books are sold!** We talk about how being a good mom isn’t about doing everything right to create a set of perfect trophy children–though every mom has felt the pressure to do just that and to do it all on her own. And how asking for help feels like defeat, but when we try to do it all by our own strength, we end up depleted, lonely, and ineffective. We are not meant to do this alone! I believe moms can be empowered by God, supported by others, and connected with their children. With encouragement and insight, you can foster the key relationships you need to be the mom you want to be so we DON’T MOM ALONE.  Links Mentioned:   BOOK: Don’t Mom Alone BOOK: Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character...in You and Your Kids!  Featured Sponsors:  Rothys: Get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/DMA BetterHelp: Visit betterhelp.com/DMA and as a DMA listener get 10% off your first month.

12 Okt 202150min

For the Mom Tired of Striving:: Ruth Chou Simons [Ep 340]

For the Mom Tired of Striving:: Ruth Chou Simons [Ep 340]

In this episode, I’m excited to welcome back Ruth Chou Simons. In her newest book, When Strivings Cease, Ruth invites us to rethink our preoccupation with approval and the striving that comes because we feel like we’re forever missing the mark. It offers a deeper, abiding understanding of what God’s generous, unmerited favor really accomplishes in and through us when we receive the gift of grace. As a mom of six boys, an author and an entrepreneur, Ruth shares from her experience of feeling like she needed to strive to move forward as a creator and how learning to trust God through the experience of mothering in the little years made all the difference.  “Sometimes I feel like a late bloomer, but there's no such thing in God's timing and God's economy of ideas and opportunities. And those 10 years of changing diapers and just keeping my children alive felt like things were happening so slowly. But God taught me more in the slow waiting, hidden moments of a season that didn't look the way I wanted it to. And those things are fruitful. They've created the fruit that you see now.” We talk about how to reset when you feel striving taking over, how to stop ourselves from demanding perfection/striving from our kids and how to preach truth to ourselves when we need to be reminded that we can trust God instead of living in fear.  Connect with Ruth:  Website: ruthchousimons.com   Facebook: facebook.com/gracelaced  Instagram:  @ruthchousimons  Links Mentioned:   BOOK: When Strivings Cease  [EP 23] Beauty creator. Unity builder. Mom. –Ruth Simons  [EP 255] Become What You Behold :: Ruth Chou Simons  [Ep 278] Giving Kids a Firm Foundation :: Troy Simons Featured Sponsors:    Uncommon Goods—To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/dma.  Thrive Market—Go to ThriveMarket.com/DMA to get $20 off your first order and a FREE gift.

4 Okt 202149min

Truth for When You Feel Like a Bad Mom :: Jamie Ivey [Ep 339]

Truth for When You Feel Like a Bad Mom :: Jamie Ivey [Ep 339]

Sometimes you have to preach truth to yourself when the days are long and you feel inadequate. And oftentimes we need a friend or two to point out the truth. Jamie Ivey is on the podcast today to be that friend for us. She brings us into her personal struggles as a mom and reminds us that we aren’t alone in the struggle. “It brings me so much comfort that God is not surprised by our diagnoses. He is not surprised by our families. He's not surprised by our struggles. He's not surprised by our insecurities, but he is a God who's willing and ready to be with us in the midst of those.” If you need a reminder that God made you to have your kids. He made your kids to be who they are with all their abilities and challenges. And he didn’t just create us and stand away distanced as we struggle in life. This episode is for you.  We talk about Jamie’s new children’s book God Made You to Be You, but dive much deeper into what that message can mean to us as moms and how we can encourage our kids as they relate to others who are different than them.  Connect with Jamie:  Website:  jamieivey.com  Facebook: facebook.com/TheJamieIvey  Instagram:  @jamieivey Links Mentioned:   Book: God Made You to Be You More at jamieivey.com/kids  [Ep 191] A Safe Place to Share Messy Stories :: Jamie Ivey  Featured Sponsors:  Mathnasium — Whether you are looking to get your kids back on track or want to ensure they’re staying ahead with their math studies, find a center near you at mathnasium.com and contact them for a free in center or online consultation.  StoryWorth — StoryWorth is a meaningful gift you and your family can treasure forever. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/DMA. You’ll get $10 off your first purchase.

27 Sep 202150min

Helping Our Kids Foster Friendships :: David Thomas and Sissy Goff [Ep 338]

Helping Our Kids Foster Friendships :: David Thomas and Sissy Goff [Ep 338]

I’m excited to welcome back Sissy Goff and David Thomas to the show to talk about helping our kids foster friendships.  As licensed counselors, working at DayStar Counseling Center in Nashville, they provide support, encouragement & compassion to children, adolescents & families in need through counseling. We talk about the nuances of boys vs girls in friendships, what to do if your kid is the bully, helping kids when friendships change or friends move, and how to take cues from our kids when it comes to their friendships “It is really more important to prioritize teaching kids to be friends than to be concerned with them, having friends. And when it comes to our worries and fears about friendships, we can't have more emotion than they do over whatever's going on for them relationally. Often that will make them either feel like we're not safe to talk to, or it'll just make them dam up these feelings.” Connect with David & Sissy:  Website:  raisingboysandgirls.com  Facebook: facebook.com/raisingboysandgirls  Instagram:  @sissygoff & @raisingboysandgirls  Podcast: raisingboysandgirls.com/listen  Previous Podcasts with David & Sissy: [Ep 119] The Art of Nurturing Boys :: David Thomas  [Ep 141] Raising Girls :: Sissy Goff [Ep 160] Emotional Milestones :: Sissy Goff & David Thomas  [Ep 311] Getting Brave About Anxiety :: Sissy Goff  [Ep 315] Understanding Boys Better :: David Thomas Links Mentioned:   BOOK: Are My Kids on Track? BOOK: The Invisible String  Featured Sponsors:  Mathnasium: Whether you’re looking to get your kids back on track or want to ensure they’re staying ahead with their math studies, find a center near you at mathnasium.com and contact them for a free in center or online consultation.  HelloFresh: Go to HelloFresh.com/dma14 for up to 14 free meals, including free shipping.

20 Sep 20211h 2min

Long Game Parenting :: Melanie Shankle and Sophie Hudson [Ep 337]

Long Game Parenting :: Melanie Shankle and Sophie Hudson [Ep 337]

Their real names are Melanie Shankle and Sophie Hudson, but they’ve been blogging for a long time on the internet as Big Mama and BooMama. In addition to being authors and speakers, they also host the fun podcast The Big Boo Cast where they talk about all the important stuff: faith, family, friends, football, fashion, and food. Plus, of course, their hair. They join me for a mom friends episode where we talk about parenting teens, launching kids to college and letting go of mom guilt.  “If you were a bad mom, you wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about if you were a bad mom. So the fact that you're feeling that guilt is like, you love your child, you're showing up, you're trying to do all the right things. And you just have to trust that God's grace covers the rest of it because they're going to be things you get wrong.” You won’t want to miss the fun and funny Melanie and Sophie. I consider them some of my mentor moms and they offer up a lot of candid advice and wisdom for playing the “long game” of parenting.  Connect with Melanie:  Website: thebigmamablog.com    Facebook: facebook.com/melanieshankle  Instagram: @melanieshankle   Connect with Sophie:  Website:  boomama.net  Facebook: facebook.com/SophieHudsonBooMama  Instagram: @boomama205 Links Mentioned:   The Big Boo Cast   BOOK: Grace Upon Grace Journaling Devotional: Trusting God No Matter What [EP 12] The Antelope in the Living Room with Melanie Shankle [EP 58] Home is Where My People Are :: Sophie Hudson [Ep 273] Navigating Friendship :: Melanie Shankle  Featured Sponsors:  BetterHelp: Visit betterhelp.com/DMA and join the over 2,000,000 people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Special offer for Don’t Mom Alone listeners: get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/DMA.  Rothys: Keep it fresh this summer with washable shoes and bags from Rothy’s. Head to Rothys.com/DMA to find your new warm weather favorites today.

13 Sep 20211h 2min

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