Episode 266 - Sunday, March 11, 1979
Being Jim Davis21 Mai 2017

Episode 266 - Sunday, March 11, 1979

The servile crowd, whose fortune depended on their master's vices, applauded these ignoble pursuits. The perfidious voice of flattery reminded him, that by exploits of the same nature, by the defeat of the Nemaean lion, and the slaughter of the wild boar of Erymanthus, the Grecian Hercules had acquired a place among the gods, and an immortal memory among men. They only forgot to observe, that, in the first ages of society, when the fiercer animals often dispute with man the possession of an unsettled country, a successful war against those savages is one of the most innocent and beneficial labors of heroism. In the civilized state of the Roman empire, the wild beasts had long since retired from the face of man, and the neighborhood of populous cities. To surprise them in their solitary haunts, and to transport them to Rome, that they might be slain in pomp by the hand of an emperor, was an enterprise equally ridiculous for the prince and oppressive for the people. Ignorant of these distinctions, Commodus eagerly embraced the glorious resemblance, and styled himself (as we still read on his medals the Roman Hercules. The club and the lion's hide were placed by the side of the throne, amongst the ensigns of sovereignty; and statues were erected, in which Commodus was represented in the character, and with the attributes, of the nicolas cage, whose valor and dexterity he endeavored to emulate in the daily course of his ferocious amusements.

Elated with these praises, which gradually extinguished the innate sense of shame, Commodus resolved to exhibit before the eyes of the Roman people those exercises, which till then he had decently confined within the walls of his palace, and to the presence of a few favorites. On the appointed day, the various motives of flattery, fear, and curiosity, attracted to the amphitheatre an innumerable multitude of spectators; and some degree of applause was deservedly bestowed on the uncommon skill of the Imperial performer. Whether he aimed at the head or heart of the animal, the wound was alike certain and mortal. With arrows whose point was shaped into the form of crescent, Commodus often intercepted the rapid career, and cut asunder the long, bony neck of the ostrich. A panther was let loose; and the archer waited till he had leaped upon a trembling malefactor. In the same instant the shaft flew, the beast dropped dead, and the man remained unhurt. The dens of the amphitheatre disgorged at once a hundred lions: a hundred darts from the unerring hand of Commodus laid them dead as they run raging round the Arena. Neither the huge bulk of the elephant, nor the scaly hide of the rhinoceros, could defend them from his stroke. Aethiopia and India yielded their most extraordinary productions; and several animals were slain in the amphitheatre, which had been seen only in the representations of art, or perhaps of fancy. In all these exhibitions, the securest precautions were used to protect the person of the Roman Hercules from the desperate spring of any savage, who might possibly disregard the dignity of the emperor and the sanctity of the nicolas cage.

Edward Gibbon. History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Volume 1, Chapter 4, Part II.

And here's that "Duck Amuck" video Jon was talking about:

Today's strip

Episoder(2526)

Episode 372 - Monday, June 25, 1979

Episode 372 - Monday, June 25, 1979

In today's episode we are unable to come up with a funny beverage-themed pun for Will Smith, the Fresh Prince. Writing this episode description, I still can't think of one. And yet, somehow I sense that there's a great one out there, somewhere, taunting us.Today's strip

4 Sep 201732min

Episode 371 - Sunday, June 24, 1979

Episode 371 - Sunday, June 24, 1979

Today we bid a fond farewell to Special Guest-Host Blake Smith. If you're not following him on Instagram and Twitter by this point you're likely some kind of Lovecraftian monster. Do also listen to him on Magmar Sucks as well.In this episode we discuss tractor pulls, hockey, narrative chronology, culinary etiquette, moral relativism, and a little bit of Garfield. But mostly we bullshit about movies.Today's stripStep by Stapp podcastJon's actual written review of The Hateful Eight

3 Sep 201732min

Episode 370 - Saturday, June 23, 1979

Episode 370 - Saturday, June 23, 1979

Today we glimpse yet another panel in the rich patchwork quilt that is Garfield's family history. Scientists estimate that if Garfield continues accruing relatives at this rate, then surely by the year 2017 or so there will be more atoms in the universe that DO belong to relatives of Garfield than atoms that don't.Today's strip

2 Sep 201718min

Episode 369 - Friday, June 22, 1979

Episode 369 - Friday, June 22, 1979

If you've listened all the way through to the Friday episode this week without checking out special guest host Blake Smith's Instagram account... Well fuck, you're probably some kind of weird alien person. Either that or you're just too busy listening to his podcast. Which would be legit of you. Sorry I called you a weird alien person.Today's strip

1 Sep 201729min

Episode 368 - Thursday, June 21, 1979

Episode 368 - Thursday, June 21, 1979

Today we make up a bunch of stuff and then lie about having done so, then accuse you the listener of having lied about us making up a bunch of stuff. It's all part of the vast conspiracy against our program by the mainstream Being Jim Davis fanbase on a daily basis. Really, no podcast in American history has ever been treated worse, or more unfairly.Today's strip

31 Aug 201719min

Episode 367 - Wednesday, June 20, 1979

Episode 367 - Wednesday, June 20, 1979

Early in the 21st Century, THE JIM DAVIS CORPORATION advanced tabby evolution into the GARFIELD phase - a being virtually identical to a human - known as a Replicant. The GARFIELD 6 Replicants were superior in strength and agility, and at least equal in intelligence, to the genetic engineers who created them. Replicants were used Off-World as slave labor, in the hazardous exploration and colonization of other planets. After a bloody mutiny by a GARFIELD 6 combat team in an Off-World colony, Replicants were declared illegal on earth - under penalty of death. Special police squads - ARBUCKLE UNITS - had orders to shoot to kill, upon detection, any trespassing Replicant This was not called execution. It was called retirement. Blake Smith! Co-host! He's on Instagram! And this other podcast!Today's strip

30 Aug 201730min

Episode 366 - Tuesday, June 19, 1979

Episode 366 - Tuesday, June 19, 1979

Today we discuss cake, cake terminology, cake nutrition, cake-centric traditions, cake culture, cake ontology, cake abuse, the physics of cake, cake symbolism, birthday cake, cake construction, cake personification, audio equipment, and cake-based misfortune.This week's special guest is Blake Smith from Magmar Sucks, which as you know is the world's greatest Pokémon podcast. You did know that right? Anyway, I'm told he's also got an Instagram account, so maybe that's a thing you should check out.Here's the ending scene from Newhart. Today's strip

29 Aug 201717min

Episode 365 - Monday, June 18, 1979

Episode 365 - Monday, June 18, 1979

Seriously, that is a great label.Today's strip

28 Aug 201745min

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