Birth Mother Matters in Adoption S3, Ep 219; Substance Use During Pregnancy

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 56: The Hardest Time For a Birth Mother For one woman the most difficult time may be walking through the door of the adoption agency, having made the choice to place her baby for adoption. For another it may be choosing the adoptive family, worrying that she won’t choose the right one.  Another may really struggle with telling friends, family members and co-workers about her adoption choice.  Another may struggle with an ongoing battle in her head regarding how she is in a place in her life where adoption is the best choice for her and her baby. A common thread is leaving the hospital and saying good bye to their baby.  They have already experienced the trauma of labor and delivery, (yes trauma.)  And then choosing how much time to spend with their baby and then saying goodbye to their baby can be another traumatic moment. Because saying goodbye at the hospital is one of the hardest aspects of adoption, even comprehending it hurts.  We can dive a little deeper.  When a birth mother chooses open adoption, if they have a good relationship spending  time together at the hospital helps in many aspects. Seeing the adoptive family with the baby helps some, it may bring peace in the future to know that your baby will be well taken care of and loved to the moon and back.  When discharge happens, I have seen many a birth mother want to leave asap.  Sometimes Birth mother and baby leave at the same time..  As I have stated before, is very important for any birth mother to not leave empty-handed, so a vase of flowers or a teddy bear needs to be given to her so she can hold something as she leaves.  I always remind birth mothers, in open adoption, it is not good-bye, it is see you later.

3 Mar 202024min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 55: Choosing The Right Adoption Agency When choosing an adoption agency, as a birth mother some important aspects to consider are the following: Is the agency local?  Will I meet with an agency representative face to face to make an adoption plan?Does the agency have an office or will we meet in public locations to talk about placing baby for adoption?How long has the agency been in practice?  Are they experienced in handling adoptions?Will I have my own case manager or will I share one with the adoptive parents?Are after care services available?  Are they easily accessible?Can the agency provide references from previous clients?How quickly can I make an appointment?Are case managers available 24/7 in case of an emergency?What services will be provided during my pregnancy?  Will I receive financial help for pregnancy adoption?Do they offer both open and closed adoptions?Do they have adoptive families living in-state and out-of-state for me to choose from when they help me find family for my baby?How do they handle communication after placement? As a Co-Founder and Director of Building Arizona Families and AZ Pregnancy Help,  I believe our agency meets and exceeds expectations of birth mothers.  We believe in women and their right to choose the type of adoption journey that is best for them and their unborn baby.  We understand the sacred trust between a birth mother and her adoption agency.    Rest assured that we answer all of these questions. Building Arizona Families is a licensed adoption agency.  We would love to hear from you to find out how we can help.  You can call or text us 24/7 at 623.695-4112.

28 Feb 202021min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 54: Volunteers Matter- Please Volunteer The Donna K. Evans Foundation has a mission of helping women after placing a baby for private adoption.  Our goal is to provide women a safe place to return for help to reach their own life goals and dreams after private placement of their baby for adoption.   Any woman who has placed a baby for adoption, regardless of the agency used for their adoption may utilize our services, at any time after the adoptive placement. Often times people have the heart to volunteer, the desire to make a difference, and the time to donate but they don’t know where to volunteer, who to call and how to begin.  I will tell you how you can help.  We need you!  This is how you can volunteer for the Donna K. Evans Foundation: Call or Email Maura Celaya, DKE’s Volunteer Coordinator.  Her contact information is: maura@dkefoundation.comOffice: (602) 595-8592 We have all kinds of volunteer opportunities at the Donna K. Evans Foundation, some include: Teaching a 60-90 minute one time class to our clientsHelping Recruit DonationsAssisting with Scheduling ClassesMailing FliersDistributing LiteratureVolunteering your Professional Service: Legal Aide, Counseling, Financial ManagementAnd so much more!!! If you can’t volunteer and would like to make a difference, we need the following are donations and can be purchased/shipped directly to theDKE office for your convenience: DKE Foundation 8433 N. Black Canyon Highway Building 6, Suite 158, Phoenix, AZ 85021 Thank you.

26 Feb 202022min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 53: Is It Difficult For Families to Adopt? There are lots of reasons that the perception or notion that adopting is difficult may exist.  1. Some of these reasons may include:Someone may have had a difficult time adopting and that situation is openly discussed more so than the positive situations that have occurred. 2. There may lots and lots of reasons people believe that adopting is difficult, but that does not mean it is true. 3. The adoption process seems long and overwhelming. Building Arizona Families / AZ Pregnancy Help is a local adoption agency.  If you would like to create an Arizona adoption plan, please contact us at (623) 695-4112.  If you are considering placing baby for adoption and want to find a family for you baby in Arizona or anywhere in the United states, we can help.  Please remember, there are alternative to abortion and we offer free unplanned pregnancy help.  We also offer financial help for pregnancy when choosing adoption.

21 Feb 202032min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 52: Red Flags in Adoption Explained When a birth mother comes into an adoption agency with the intent of placing her baby for adoption, it is important to understand her reasons for choosing adoption. “Red flags” is a term that we use to assess a birth mother’s probability of placing her baby for adoption (to the best of our ability (we don’t have a crystal ball.)  Counseling will assist her in processing her thoughts and feelings.  Red flags always need to be evaluated in context and all factors need to be considered before confirmation is stated.  Additionally, red flags do not necessarily mean that the adoption won’t happen, they mean that further investigation is warranted. Often times during the adoption process, situations will arise where the agency or adoptive family will become concerned and when a situation like this arises; as an agency we staff (get together as a team and discuss) it.  What is important to remember is one identifiable red flag exhibited by a birth mother may not have the same impact or warrant the same concern in another.  Every behavior is relative, its important to remember that you have to look at the birth mother and her situation as a whole entity not just a potential concern. Never attending doctor appointmentsAlways asking about the financial assistance, making this the focus of every conversationPostponing choosing an adoptive familyAvoiding contact with the adoptive family, even after stating that she wanted an open adoption.She is in a committed relationship and is pregnant by the father of all of their other children who live in the home together.

19 Feb 202026min

Birth Mother Matters Adoption 51: Why Using an Agency for Adoption is Important In an independent adoption, adoptive parents work directly with an adoption attorneyto complete an adoption without the use of an agency.  An adoption agency is a  one-stop shop, while independent adoptions require adoptive parents to “outsource” the services they need from multiple adoption professionals. Some services may be more difficult to obtain in an independent adoption. Families may attempt to do an “Independent Adoption” for the following reasons: To attempt to save moneyTo maintain controlTo establish more direct communication The differences, downsides, associated risks, liabilities when you try to navigate domestic adoption on your own may include: If an adoptive family needs to focate a pregnant woman considering adoption using their own resource.Adoption agencies usually work closely with prospective birth mothers to evaluate their commitment level throughout the adoption process.  The services offered by an agency may not be comparable to what you can offer as an Independent; group counseling, aftercare program, access to a specialized adoption counselor, continuity of care in future adoptions.Costs vary widely depending on many independent factors and money is then a direct conversation between the birth mother and adoptive family. Adoption agencies assist the birth mother in creating her hospital plan. Navigating the hospital stay and organizing medical expenses and insurance may be challenging for adoptive parents in an independent adoption.

14 Feb 202017min

Birth Mother Matters Adoption 50: What Agencies Want Adoptive Families to Know As a professional in the adoption community who has assisted in creating families for over 15 years, I feel comfortable speaking on behalf of individuals in the adoption profession.  So here it is; the good, the bad and the ugly, no holds barred, nothing off limits, no secrets kept. We want to the adoption to be as successful as you.  We are working behind the scenes to make sure that we are doing everything we can to make the adoption occur.  We are crossing our fingers and holding our breath right alongside you.  There are moments where we can’t breath either and yes, we are holding back tears too.Sometimes you can come across entitled, maybe you have no idea of this and you would never want to come accross that way.We are just as protective of you!  When the birth mother has concerns or questions about you, we make sure we discuss everything positive and reassuring.  We understand how important it is for a birth mother to go to her prenatal appointments and yes we really try to make them happen.  When we have to deliver bad news, like a birth mother has changed her mind, she miscarried or the baby passed away- we dread delivering that news in a way that is indescribable.  Its rare, but when a baby has to be returned to the baby’s birth mother, we as a staff, morn.  We love to celebrate with you!  We really want you to be kind and respectful to the hospital staff, we work with them a lot.  When you get to go home with your baby, we are cheering you every minute of the way.  We do everything we can to expedite you getting to go home.  We want you to begin your new beautiful life.

12 Feb 202024min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #49: What Do Birth Mothers Fear About Adoption? These are 10 of the most common fears: People will think I am a terrible person, a bad mom and they will never look at me the same.What if no one wants my baby?What if the adoptive parents don’t follow through on our open adoption plan?What if I change my mind?What will I tell people when they ask about my pregnancy?Will the OBGYN Office judge me?How will I know if I choose the “right” adoptive family?What if I have used drugs during my pregnancy- will the adoptive family still want my baby?What if the father of my baby changes his mind and wants the baby?I will be alone after the baby is placed for adoption. Choosing adoption means choosing an option with support, aftercare and access to financial resources.  Adoption is a beautiful choice and one that is increasingly becoming a more popular choice.  If you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  We believe in adoption aftercare services and have a program on site to provide continued support through the Donna K. Evans Foundation.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.  You are not alone and we want to help, thank you for considering adoption, you are making an amazing choice.

7 Feb 202030min