I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episoder(518)

The Sex Worker Next Door

The Sex Worker Next Door

Emma's a single mom and supports her family with the income she makes from sex work. The money's good. But she struggles with the secrecy, and the shame. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Sep 201536min

From Chaos to Sesame Street

From Chaos to Sesame Street

For 44 years, Sonia Manzano explained letters, numbers, and life to kids on Sesame Street. But her own childhood left her with a lot of questions that lingered into adulthood. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Sep 201524min

In New Orleans: How to Get Elected Coroner

In New Orleans: How to Get Elected Coroner

Dr. Jeffrey Rouse is the Orleans Parish coroner—a job he describes as the “interface between law and medicine.” A decade ago, he was preparing for a life in academia, not public office.  Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

21 Aug 201525min

In New Orleans: A Doctor's Adopted Home

In New Orleans: A Doctor's Adopted Home

Dr. Kiersta Kurtz-Burke spent Hurricane Katrina inside New Orleans’ Charity Hospital. Now that she's got two kids, she keeps her gas tank full in case they need to evacuate. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

20 Aug 201524min

In New Orleans: Big Freedia Bounces Back

In New Orleans: Big Freedia Bounces Back

Big Freedia is a reality TV star and fixture on New Orleans' bounce scene. But days after Hurricane Katrina, she was sleeping on the street outside of the city's convention center. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

19 Aug 201528min

In New Orleans: Becoming the Demo Diva

In New Orleans: Becoming the Demo Diva

Simone Bruni started her career in hospitality, and dreamed of eventually being a stay-at-home mom. But when Katrina hit, she was 32 and single. So she started a demolition company.  Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Aug 201520min

In New Orleans: From Raising Hell to Raising Kids

In New Orleans: From Raising Hell to Raising Kids

When Katrina hit, Terri Coleman was a troublemaker—burning cars and getting stoned. She recalls, “The storm allow[ed] my weird adolescent destruction to be socially acceptable.” Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

17 Aug 201527min

Life as a Wife

Life as a Wife

Cindy Chupack came into her second marriage with a house on the beach and an Emmy. Her husband came in with a lot of debt. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

12 Aug 201518min

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