I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episoder(518)

Desiree Akhavan's Breakthrough Breakup

Desiree Akhavan's Breakthrough Breakup

Akhavan’s debut feature film, Appropriate Behavior, mines the details of her own life—particularly the most uncomfortable moments. It also earned her a spot on this season of Girls. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

14 Jan 201527min

Living Alone and Liking It. Sometimes.

Living Alone and Liking It. Sometimes.

Living alone has its perks: no one to tell you what to eat, how to decorate, or when to go to bed. But there's also no one to split the bills with.  Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

31 Des 201426min

Becoming a Father in Prison

Becoming a Father in Prison

Lawrence Bartley has been in prison for 23 years on a murder charge. Now, he's wondering what he'll say to the parole board—and to his sons, who are still too young to know of his past. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

17 Des 201438min

College Sweethearts: Transformed

College Sweethearts: Transformed

Liam and Marisa fell in love as college students. Then, Liam began his gender transition. Here, they speak candidly about staying committed through serious change. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

3 Des 201427min

James McBride Resets

James McBride Resets

The best-selling author of The Color of Water lived large, and he lost his creative focus. Now, he drives a pickup and teaches music in Brooklyn, and he's happier than he's ever been. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

19 Nov 201428min

A Funeral Director’s Dead Reckoning

A Funeral Director’s Dead Reckoning

Caleb Wilde, a sixth-generation funeral director, will bury many of his friends and family in his small town. In a culture so unable to talk about death, he tweets to feel less alone. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Nov 201430min

Ellen Burstyn's Lessons on Survival

Ellen Burstyn's Lessons on Survival

Burstyn has countless acting awards, but she says she is proudest of her son. Talking at home, she describes learning how to mother, leaving an abusive marriage and confronting death. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Okt 201455min

My Father's Secret Life

My Father's Secret Life

Whitney Joiner's father told her he was HIV-positive in 1992. When she asked if he was gay, he said no. Now, she's looking for answers about the father she never knew. Support Death, Sex & Money by becoming a monthly sustaining member. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Okt 201427min

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