379: ⏫️ Olivia A. revisits

🔸 1️⃣ Beyond committed. The art and science of figuring out your entire self

2️⃣ Deep down bad parts. It’s crazy the way kids are treated.
📌 1️⃣ Olivia Followed up: i will say-- i actually wish i talked more about this on the pod but the mdma aftermath isn't always a treat, there are actually some big feelings of turmoil afterwards, you kind of feel like your life is a mess for a couple weeks because stuff is hitting you. i felt that way and my friend also felt that way... but the ensuing clarity and breakthroughs are worth it
it's like you're ripped open a bit and then enable to heal
though the healing still requires a good amount of work or at least it did in my case, i found it hard to even do my job for a week, and i was constantly feeling like, how do i figure out this maze of feels?!
james: 
Ive not experienced that negative side, but maybe I had less I was needing (or willing) to heal
Olivia: 
i'm definitely willing to believe it's different for everyone
my friend for instance, i dont think she would even say she did a lot of work to get to her breakthrough
she was just a mess for 2 weeks and then had kind of a sudden realization

🔹 Parts:

• P: holds tension, clenching chest, hanging on to sense of dread. Needs manager not rush on to new shiney
• P: manager “if I don’t watch this how will I learn” a person glued to the screen
• P: tape playing, carrying the memories. I love my memories!
• P: managers are bad! Read the IFS book!

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

1️⃣ Do differently? No; whatever got me here, to this place, with this person, makes me glad I did everything the way did.

Cynical part's answer: quit Live IFS, start Live MDMA.

2️⃣ It’s been 2+ weeks of high stress / high stakes stuff for me. I've been increasingly concerned about the effects on my health, multiple ailments reappearing. Today was *my* do whatever day, finally vacation day. I just lounged around, fed the crows, stretched a lot, ate what & when I wanted, skipped exercise (and that ~hour of call prep I normally do). So this was fitting.

When I start getting sick, my “figure it out” part takes over, researching like mad, making a project out of it, documenting everything, reviewing old notes. But lately I've been working with it more, taking it seriously, and allowing that process to complete. Then I actually arrive at “I've read enough, made enough todos and appts, time for that part to rest. Let's try calm, space, and see what intuition (now more informed) brings.
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