Live IFS8 Sep 2024

427: Maisie A. - first call

🔸 I've been nervous for a long time.

🔹 Parts:

P: Nervous. About getting it wrong, being not acceptable, see Es
P: nervous isn’t pressing
P: condescendingly amused by nervous. People like me better when im jokey. But nervous is stronger as im less prone to employ jokey now.
P: black out, a big velvet curtain. “You don’t wanna know why im here”
P: the people behind the barricade, one w construction hat
P: the barricade
E: 4yo, very vulnerable, kept away by black out.
E?: 11-12yo in school with older kids (late teens). Revealed by amused, self deprecating part
E: 18 months. Shame. Mom was in hospital. Dad looked after me in a not nurturing way. When dad would be mad… Source of nervous
P: you’re confused because you’re old.
P: you’re constantly fucking up
E: im not acceptable.
P: identifying w addicts
P: too much pain at work

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Keep doing what I'm doing. Didn’t feel tip top today, but overall, had several days feeling like a million bucks lately, maybe cuz significantly increase movement/workout routine a couple weeks ago.
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