#386 - Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free

#386 - Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic. Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift. On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. I hope you'll join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.

Episoder(494)

When Does “My Money” Become “Our Money”? | Money and Relationships | E482

When Does “My Money” Become “Our Money”? | Money and Relationships | E482

Have you ever asked yourself, “When does ‘my money’ become ‘our money’?” It’s one of those questions couples don’t really face until tension starts to build. And by then, it’s rarely about the dollars...

3 Nov 202555min

Invisible Influence: What’s Really Driving Your Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviors? | E481

Invisible Influence: What’s Really Driving Your Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviors? | E481

How much of what you do every day is really your choice? The food you crave, the shows you watch, the moods you slip into - so much of it is quietly being shaped by invisible influences you probably n...

30 Okt 202559min

Can Love Survive Betrayal? How to Rebuild Trust and Heal Together | E480

Can Love Survive Betrayal? How to Rebuild Trust and Heal Together | E480

When trust is broken, everything changes. The person who once felt like your safest place can suddenly feel like a stranger, and finding your way back can feel impossible. In this episode, I’m joined...

27 Okt 20251h 5min

How Find a Career Path You’re Passionate About | LHS Classic E240

How Find a Career Path You’re Passionate About | LHS Classic E240

This episode originally aired on April 5, 2021 (Episode 240), and I’m bringing it back because so many of you said it gave you the clarity you didn’t know you needed. If you’re feeling stuck in your c...

23 Okt 202545min

How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

If you’ve ever questioned where you stand with your partner or second-guessed their love, this will help you feel more grounded, connected, and secure. This episode first aired on June 21, 2021 (Episo...

20 Okt 202550min

How to Become Influential: Everyday Leadership That Creates Change | E479

How to Become Influential: Everyday Leadership That Creates Change | E479

You know that feeling when you look around at the news, your job, your relationships, and everything feels a little out of control? Like no matter what you do, it’s never enough to really make a diffe...

16 Okt 202548min

High Achiever? Why Everything Works Except Your Relationships (with Hilary Silver) | E478

High Achiever? Why Everything Works Except Your Relationships (with Hilary Silver) | E478

Some women seem to have it all together. They’re confident, capable, and thriving in their careers. Yet when it comes to love… it’s like they’re playing a game with a whole different rulebook. I’ve ta...

13 Okt 202539min

Polarized Politics + Relationships: How to Bridge The Divide — with Dr. Bill Doherty | E477

Polarized Politics + Relationships: How to Bridge The Divide — with Dr. Bill Doherty | E477

What do you do when someone you love sees the world so differently from you that every conversation feels tense? When your values and beliefs clash so deeply that you start wondering if you can stay c...

9 Okt 202555min

Populært innen Samfunn

rss-spartsklubben
aftenpodden
giver-og-gjengen-vg
lydartikler-fra-aftenposten
konspirasjonspodden
aftenpodden-usa
rss-nesten-hele-uka-med-lepperod
popradet
rss-henlagt-andy-larsgaard
wolfgang-wee-uncut
grenselos
min-barneoppdragelse
synnve-og-vanessa
fladseth
rss-dette-ma-aldri-skje-igjen
frokostshowet-pa-p5
alt-fortalt
198-land-med-einar-trnquist
rss-dannet-uten-piano
relasjonspodden-med-dora-thorhallsdottir-kjersti-idem