34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)
Apocrypals24 Feb 2019

34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)

Happy Valentine's Day, Theophiloi, and might I just say, you're looking good today. Hair like goats, teeth like sheep, just dripping with myrrh... yes, all your parts are in very sexy condition. What's that? Why yes, we have been taking a few tips from Bible's greatest romantic, King Solomon the Demon-Queller! He's here with his sensual mixtape and we're going through it track by track as we take on the Song of Songs! Plus: a brief non-history of St. Valentine! Hey, don't... uh, don't listen to this one with your mom, okay?

Topics of discussion: A soupçon of Magic: The Gathering, the Sanctum Sanctorum, "Rich Girl," tbe mechanics of Bumble vis-a-vis gazelle fawns and grapes, chiastic structure, metaphors and abbreviations in order to keep our "Clean" tag, sheep content, lots of stuff we can't really put in the description, and only two jokes we had to cut out.

Hymnal: "Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

Episoder(126)

108: Skip This One (The Book of Hosea)

108: Skip This One (The Book of Hosea)

Look, Thephiloi, you don't actually have to skip this one (it's actually one of my personal favorites, tbqh) but I'm gonna warn you up front: we were in a PRETTY SILLY MOOD when we were recording this...

27 Nov 20221h 1min

107: Hellmensch (Stories of the Baal Shem Tov, vol. 2)

107: Hellmensch (Stories of the Baal Shem Tov, vol. 2)

You there, Theophiloi, what day is to-day? What? It's mid-November? Well, we keep the spirit of Halloween in our hearts year round on this podcast, so we're going ahead with our annual tradition of Ha...

13 Nov 20221h 12min

106: A Serious Goku Move (The Second Book of Kings)

106: A Serious Goku Move (The Second Book of Kings)

Welcome to Season 2 of Apocrypals, dear Theophiloi! You know, like how every podcast does 103 regular episodes and then takes an extremely planned break of several months before returning, refreshed a...

30 Okt 20221h 37min

105: Approximate Week V: RaVager

105: Approximate Week V: RaVager

No spoilers, Theophiloi. It's our birthday we're covering a text that listeners have been requesting for five years. Hymnal: "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, "The Winner Takes It All" by Stephen Mann o...

12 Aug 20221h 17min

104: Previously, On Bible (The Epistle to the Hebrews)

104: Previously, On Bible (The Epistle to the Hebrews)

And what more can I say, Theophiloi? By faith, we recorded a podcast about the Epistle to the Hebrews, which some dweeb thought was written by Mr. Paul even though it doesn't start with a lengthy intr...

1 Aug 20221h 4min

103: Sucky James (The History of Joseph the Carpenter)

103: Sucky James (The History of Joseph the Carpenter)

I suspect, dear Theophiloi, that there is no stepfather in all history more overshadowed than poor Joseph, the humble carpenter whose competition for his Son's affection was in fact the Almighty God. ...

3 Jul 20221h 2min

102: Napalm Toots (The Lives of St. Martha of Bethany and St. Margaret of Antioch)

102: Napalm Toots (The Lives of St. Martha of Bethany and St. Margaret of Antioch)

The Book of Job is famously one of history's biggest bummers, Theophiloi, so in this episode, we're going with something that always brings us joy: women fighting dragons. It's Martha of Bethany and M...

13 Jun 20221h 9min

101: The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy (The Book of Job)

101: The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy (The Book of Job)

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people, Theophiloi? Well, we've found the answer in the Book of Job, a literary classic and/or utter failure, and it's pretty simple: God's indiffe...

21 Apr 20221h 13min

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