67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Jun 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Episoder(126)

13: Bonus Goat (The Deuterocanonical Book of Tobit)

13: Bonus Goat (The Deuterocanonical Book of Tobit)

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30 Jul 20181h 23min

12: Whomst Was At the Tombst? (The Gospel of John, Part Two)

12: Whomst Was At the Tombst? (The Gospel of John, Part Two)

Okay, Theophiloi, let's get this clear right now: Roy Thomas was the second editor-in-chief of Marvel after Stan Lee, and is often considered to have been the first comics creator to make the leap fro...

15 Jul 20181h 23min

11: 90s Vertigo Jesus (The Gospel of John, Part One)

11: 90s Vertigo Jesus (The Gospel of John, Part One)

Oh h*ck yeah! Your hosts done done it again, y'all: we goofed around and talked a whole lot about the Gospel of John. You'd think after going through this stuff four times, we'd be a little more effic...

9 Jul 20181h 25min

10: The Dude Hates Wizards (The Gospel of Luke)

10: The Dude Hates Wizards (The Gospel of Luke)

Congratulations be upon you, Theophiloi (and possibly Apocryphinos)! We hope you're ready for some Johnny Bapto content, because that's what we have a lot of this time around, as we go into the Gospel...

2 Jul 20181h 32min

9: Simon Peter's Sweet Sixteen (The Gospel of Matthew, Part Two)

9: Simon Peter's Sweet Sixteen (The Gospel of Matthew, Part Two)

A question for you, Theophiloi: How many times would you like to listen to us go through the Gospel of Matthew? As many as... seven times? Well, you'll have to settle for two, as this week finds us fi...

24 Jun 20181h 9min

8: What's Up, Doctor Goodacre (The Gospel of Matthew, Part One)

8: What's Up, Doctor Goodacre (The Gospel of Matthew, Part One)

Congratulations be upon you, Theophiloi! So remember how last week, we had our longest episode ever? Well, your boys done did it again. We went so deep into the Gospel of Matthew that we wound up reco...

10 Jun 20181h 9min

7: Neon Genesis Good News (The Gospel of Mark and Secret Mark)

7: Neon Genesis Good News (The Gospel of Mark and Secret Mark)

"When the scribes of the Pharisees saw that He was eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked His disciples, 'why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners?' When Jesus heard this, He told t...

3 Jun 20181h 50min

6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)

6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)

"And Isaiah answered and said 'So far as I have utterance, damned and accused be thou and all thy powers and all thy house, for thou canst not take from me aught save the skin of my body.' And they si...

27 Mai 20181h 11min

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