67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Jun 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Episoder(126)

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84: Just One More Thing (The Life of St. Columba)

You know, Theophiloi, my wife, she's a really big fan of these saints these days, so I was wondering if you could help me out here. I've been trying to get through the life of of St. Columba, but ther...

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83: Speedrun Tactics (The Book of Jubilees, Part 2)

83: Speedrun Tactics (The Book of Jubilees, Part 2)

We have had some points of contention, Theophiloi, but up to this point, it's mostly been about Benito's bizarre and upsetting taste in candy. This time, though, a strong candidate for the worst book ...

21 Feb 20211h 11min

82: Sedeqetelebab! (The Book of Jubilees)

82: Sedeqetelebab! (The Book of Jubilees)

As you are well aware, Theophiloi, the Book of Genesis is the foundational text of not only multiple major religions, but arguably most of Western literature in general. That said, we can all agree th...

7 Feb 20211h 34min

81: Sometimes It's Just Sucky (Paul's Letter to the Ephesians)

81: Sometimes It's Just Sucky (Paul's Letter to the Ephesians)

It is with a heavy heart that we must announce that Mr. Paul is at it again, Theophiloi... maybe. In this episode, your humble Sons of Thunder dive into Ephesians, a brief slice of Bible that is relat...

24 Jan 20211h 19min

80: The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (The Book of Judges)

80: The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (The Book of Judges)

CONTENT WARNING: The text covered in this episode contains a scene of sexual assault, discussed starting at 1:38:00. Happy Gentile New Year, Theophiloi! Like Merle Haggard, we have made it through Dec...

10 Jan 20211h 54min

Bonus: Bill Bless Us, Every Ted (Christmas Gift Exchange 2020)

Bonus: Bill Bless Us, Every Ted (Christmas Gift Exchange 2020)

Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! We've wrapped up the show for the year, but before we get to these last few days of kicking back with a nice hot chocolate and a cup of coffee for St. Lucy, we're inviting ...

21 Des 202016min

79: Marys Christmas (The Infancy Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew)

79: Marys Christmas (The Infancy Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew)

Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! It's our favorite time of the year, and that means we're once again reading the story about how an angel came down to herald the birth of a child whose divine nature would ...

13 Des 20201h 49min

78: MACCABEES (the Fourth Book of Maccabees)

78: MACCABEES (the Fourth Book of Maccabees)

Chag samaeach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah time once again, and for 5781, we're diving back into the dynasty of God's resisters with MACCABEES — and this time, it's about family. Join us as we go throug...

29 Nov 20201h 48min

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