68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)
Apocrypals12 Jul 2020

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.

Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).

Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Episoder(126)

45:  Mummy Dust and Skeleton Bones (The Book of Ruth)

45: Mummy Dust and Skeleton Bones (The Book of Ruth)

Hey Theophiloi, good news/bad news. About eight minutes into the recording, Chris's Good Microphone stopped working and so we did an hour of the show with Chris sounding like he was trapped in a hole....

14 Jul 20191h 13min

44: Terms and Conditions (The Book of Jeremiah, Part 2)

44: Terms and Conditions (The Book of Jeremiah, Part 2)

The boys are back in town, Theophiloi, and we've got some breaking news: it seems the Kingdom of Judah has broken its covenant with the Lord of Hosts and will be punished with sword, famine, and plagu...

23 Jun 20191h 27min

43: Why Prophets So Nasty? (The Book of Jeremiah)

43: Why Prophets So Nasty? (The Book of Jeremiah)

Well, Theophiloi, it's been a hot minute, but we're back once again with the first half of Jeremiah, which is both the longest book in Bible and also the most unnecessarily long. Here, we'll save you ...

27 Mai 20191h 10min

42: The Roasting of the Apostle Paul (Second Corinthians)

42: The Roasting of the Apostle Paul (Second Corinthians)

Hello, Theophiloi and Cheerful Givers! Looking for a nice way to relax, chill out, and maybe even fall asleep? Good news: we've got the book for you. Our old nemesis St. Paul is back with a second let...

7 Mai 20191h 8min

41: Neo-Mary Is About To E X P L O D E (The Questions of Bartholomew)

41: Neo-Mary Is About To E X P L O D E (The Questions of Bartholomew)

Happy Easter, Theophiloi! He is risen indeed! It's definitely still Easter, so we're back with the Questions of Bartholomew, and friends, let me tell you: he is not the only one with some questions. J...

30 Apr 20191h 23min

40: Devil Got a Hog (The Book of Enoch, Part Two)

40: Devil Got a Hog (The Book of Enoch, Part Two)

Happy Holy Week, Theophiloi! If you're like your humble Son of Thunder and his friend the Author of All Lies, you have a keen interest in space. If that's the case, then you're going to love learning ...

19 Apr 20191h 24min

39: Rain is Boy Water (The Book of Enoch, Part One)

39: Rain is Boy Water (The Book of Enoch, Part One)

Happy Apocryphersary, Theophiloi! To celebrate one year of the show, we're launching into one of our most requested texts: the apocalyptic, hallucinatory, and profoundly influential Book of Enoch. Wri...

7 Apr 20191h 31min

38: Sword Drill Online (Bible Trivia Special)

38: Sword Drill Online (Bible Trivia Special)

Break out the birthday cake, Theophiloi, because as of this show, we've officially been at this for one full year! We're celebrating by pushing the Guessatron 5000 to its limits with a Bible Trivia Qu...

31 Mar 20191h 5min

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