Self-Parenting and Music

As someone who deals with anxiety and decision fatigue daily, I've decided to conduct an experiment... I am going to fully do this thing and parent myself through this thing of trusting myself. I have been living for a future that never comes- a future of free time and me time, but any moment that I might have an opportunity, I'll then stress myself out about "self-care" and battle myself mentally about which order I should do things and why I need to do all of these things because they are good for me... Needless to say, it's not working out for me. When I find myself making the same excuses as to why I can't take a break and tend to a need in the moment, I remind myself that maybe that has worked out for me on the outside and barely, but it doesn't feel good. I've done the things- now what?

I am leaning into trusting myself and trusting presence, to tend to the task or moment at hand now, and the future ones then. If I take care of present me now, future me will then be taken care of; I will have the capacity to show up for myself in the future because tending to myself now is the most soothing and energizing for all me's in all time periods. I can't prevent future anxiety by experiencing a profusion of current anxiety. Music is a tool that has been assisting me in bringing myself back to the present moment, as I can sway only to the beats that are occurring exactly when they are. It is validating to move around and express in such a way of.. expression... of gratitude, of pure fun.. Music and dance is such a helpful mood regulator and tool for processing trauma. Anyway, love you all. Try it on for size as you see fit :)