Why People Judge Family Estrangement: Darcey Gohring's HuffPost Essay

What does it feel like when your father says "I love you" and saying it back makes you feel like you're giving away a piece of yourself? For writer Darcey Gohring, that hollow exchange was the painful reality of a relationship with an alcoholic, abusive parent—and the reason she cut ties with him at 19, calling it the first truly brave thing she ever did for herself. In this raw, honest conversation, Darcey shares how her father went from hero to monster in one night when she was nine, the years of verbal and physical abuse that followed, and the moment she realized she had to step away to survive.

After publishing her story in HuffPost, she faced judgment from strangers who questioned whether it "was really that bad" and from her father's friends who called her cruel—proving how hard it is for people to understand family estrangement. Now, with children of her own, Darcey reflects on breaking generational cycles and the powerful reminder that "they didn't protect you, you don't have to protect them."

0:01 - Intro and welcome
3:16 - The HuffPost essay about estrangement
4:45 - Father's alcoholism and abuse
7:42 - The bravery of a 19-year-old
8:09 - Testifying against her father
10:28 - Why people judge family estrangement
11:22 - Responding to critical comments
13:01 - Father had 18 years to change
14:37 - Finding old letters in the basement
16:05 - Pressure from his friends and family
17:11 - Standing firm during his final illness
21:10 - "They didn't protect you, you don't have to protect them"
22:52 - Final thoughts

• https://www.instagram.com/dara.levan/
• Website: daralevan.com3
https://www.darceygohring.com/

QUOTES:

"Nobody is all good or all bad. You can have a really good experience with someone, but that doesn't mean they're a good parent."
– Darcey Gohring

"You can't change a dynamic if that person's not willing to do the work."
– Dara Levan