The Cheesecake Of Justice

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like our cities burning down, the most righteous heroes of the riots, SpaceX scrubbing a launch because of a nosy Karen, and all our politicians suddenly became Bible experts overnight. Be sure to stick around for the main topic where two white guys decide to talk about critical race theory in the church and society, because why not?

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan dive headfirst into the mailbag and talk about even more stories!

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Show Outline

Introduction

We are out of quarantine and into curfew, but at least we have new swag for the office.

Stuff That's Good

Kyle likes Brave Ollie Possum: the audio book.

Ethan likes his own Spotify playlist: Every Song Is Perfect.

This News Is Weird

'The bird is free': India 'releases Pakistani pigeon held on spying charges'

Knocking on Florida couple's door were two alligators fighting

Monkeys attack lab worker, steal COVID-19 blood test samples

Turtle crashes through windshield on Georgia highway

Scientists say they went 'cuckoo' due to laughing gas from penguin poo

Five-year-old pulled over by cops on his way to buy a Lamborghini

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Powerful: Protesters Spell Out 'Love' With Burning Homes And Businesses

Summary: In a powerful display of love and tolerance, peaceful protesters in Minneapolis burned several city blocks so the fire would read "LOVE" from the air. Wow. Such love. Much peace.

The real story: Riots have engulfed the country. It seems like overnight COVID-19 disappeared and were replaced with absolute mayhem everywhere. The riots are over the wrongful death of George Floyd, who was killed by a police officer who had his knee on his neck for nine minutes. (We'll discuss more in the main topic.)

• Top 10 heroes of the riots

• Somehow Chris Matthews and Chris Hanson both make an appearance

Story 2

SpaceX Launch Scrubbed After Local Karen Calls The Cops

Summary: SpaceX had tried to launch a rocket but was forced to scrub the launch after a local Karen called the cops, reporting that people were outside doing things and she did not like it.

The real story: If ever there were a good time to leave Earth…

SpaceX did have a scrubbed launch but then launched for real later in the week. Its module successfully docked with the ISS.

Story 3

Trump, Pelosi Face Off In Intense Game Of Bible Jeopardy

Topic of the Week

Critical Race Theory in the church / racial divides in church culture

There have been some strange reactions in the Evangelical world to this whole situation.

• Some funny/interesting reactions from inside and outside the church:

  • Matt Walsh posted a video of white people kneeling to black people: https://twitter.com/mattwalshblog/status/1267507181689192448?

  • Dean of Union Seminary: "What has alienated America from its very soul, thereby virtually normalizing violence against Black lives? Answer: whiteness itself." (link and soundbyte)

  • NBA Announcer fired for tweeting "All lives matter" (link)

  • CRU (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ) is holding segregated prayer meetings (link)

  • NBA reporter cheers on burning down of low income housing but then calls rioters "animals" when they come around his neighborhood.

  • There is a blueprint for racial reconciliation being adopted by many in the evangelical Christian world that seems to come from something called Critical Theory, or Critical Race Theory. So what is it?

  • Yearning for justice points us to objective reality in Jesus Christ

Hate Mail

A man is concerned our story on the Constitution dying from coronavirus may cause confusion.

Paid-subscriber portion

Mailbag!

Kyle and Ethan answer some fair criticism about The Babylon Bee's coverage of Joe Biden.

Story 1

Oh No! The Scientist Gavin Newsom Has Been Listening To Is Actually A Bunch Of Raccoons Stuffed In A Lab Coat

Summary: Gavin Newsom has been listening to scientists throughout the pandemic, but it turns out the main scientist he was listening to is actually a bunch of raccoons in a lab coat. Sad!

• Are we not listening to SCIENCE! Anymore now that there are progressive crowds out and about?

Story 2

Archaeologists Unearth Galilean Coffee Shop Where Jesus Held Small Group

Summary: Archaeologists have found one of the coolest Bible landmarks: the coffee shop in Galilee where Jesus and His disciples would hold their weekly small groups.

• How would Jesus's small group have been?

• Small groups: yay or nay? What's wrong with a good old-fashioned Bible study? Where's the coolest place for a small group to hang out?

• Small group horror stories

• Subscribers, send us small group stories!

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