It Takes a Village

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Monday October 26th, 2020 - 4:26pm.

We are on a weekend away with friends: 6 adults and 6 kids ages 11, 9, 8, 7, 5 and 3. The friends we are with are a lot like family and the kids together remind me of cousins : three boys and three girls, all different ages, who’ve known each other since birth. None of them live in the same town, they didn’t choose each other, but they regularly get thrown together for vacations, birthdays and holidays. Elliot, age 7, is in the middle of the bunch and is the only one who doesn’t have siblings.

I am sitting by the pool in a sunny patch and the oldest girl, Amel, and Elliot come to sit near me. Elliot, always the little inventor, suggests they try to build a small house out of stones, twigs and flowers from the garden. Amel is in middle school now and Elliot is only in 2nd grade, but they get along really well. Seeing them together makes my heart so full. Amel was the very first baby born in our friend group. I remember when Fanny told me she was pregnant I had a brief moment where I almost blurted, ‘On purpose?!’ But when I saw the happiness on her face, I managed to bite my tongue. I was 28 and felt so unready to have a baby, but once Amel was born, we all fell in love with her. She had one mama, one papa, and 6 honorary aunties and uncles. Spending time with baby Amel and watching our good friends transform into parents was a critical step in me really believing I could be a parent someday myself.

Amel and Elliot are working, their heads bent close together as they balance twigs to make a little roof.

Amel says, “Do you get lonely not having any brothers or sisters? Or do you like it that way?”

They keep balancing twigs.

I hold my breath.

There’s a pause while he thinks about it then replies, “No. I like it that way.”

I exhale.

Me, too, I like it that way. And I was pretty sure that he did too, but it was nice to hear it. I sometimes feel guilty that Elliot doesn’t have any siblings. It’s not what I pictured- I’m the oldest of three and Bruno is the oldest of four- but somehow having only one child has felt right for us. We just don’t feel like anyone is missing.

They keep building.

Amel says, “Yeah, having brothers and sisters is hard sometimes.” She shrugs.

I love this simple little moment. A real and simple question: ‘Do you get lonely?’ A real and simple moment of reflection, then a reply, “No.” But she was clearly ready for either answer: he could have said ‘yes’ and she’d have taken that in stride, too.

They continue working together until someone calls over to us that it’s time for lunch.

As they get up, Amel smiles at Elliot and says, “I’d like to have a little brother like you.”

Elliot looks up at her and beams. He says, “Yeah, I’m really calm.”

Amel laughs, “And modest, too!”

Elliot says, “What’s modest?”

Amel laughs again and as they run back to the house I hear her trying to explain the concept of modesty to him.

I smile as I watch them together: the little girl who convinced me that I could be a mom and the little boy who made me one.