The Bodies We Live In

http://polaroid41.com/the-bodies-we-live-in/

Tuesday, June 29th, 2021 - 11:26am.

I don’t have the vocabulary I need to write this story.
It’s because the topic is uncomfortable.
I don’t have words for these things because they are things we don’t talk about, but I am going to try.

It started earlier this month when I saw my friend Camille for the first time since December 2019. We spent the entire afternoon sitting at a small round table on the terrace of a café near le Bois de Vincennes. We talked and laughed and cried, we told each other about the projects we are working on, we updated each other on our families, we compared notes on turning 40 and eventually the conversation rolled around to books, series and movies. Her eyes were stormy as she told me about a documentary called “Because of My Body” by the Italian filmmaker Francesco Cannavà. I could see she was grappling with something, that she was unsettled. She talked and talked and finally looked at me and said: “Watch it.”

So I did.

I want to tell you about it, but here is where I start getting stuck. The documentary was made in Bologna, and follows 21-year-old Claudia and 42-year-old Marco. I don’t speak Italian, so couldn’t grasp the original language being used to describe the people and situations on the screen, and I was watching it with French subtitles. The problem now is that I am trying to write this in English and I keep coming up short. Claudia has spina bifida. Marco is her assistant. I don’t know what words they use in Italian, but in French they use the terms: assistant de vie intime, assistant sexuel, sexualité accompagnée. I don’t know how to translate any of these terms...assistant de vie intime is literally a ‘private life assistant’ or an ‘assistant of the intimate life.’ The next term ‘assistant sexuel’ is similar to the French term ‘assistant social’ which is a ‘social worker’...but an ‘assistant sexuel’ is definitely not a sex worker. ‘Sexualité accompagnée’ means ‘accompanied sexuality.’ Is that a term that exists in English? If it does, what does it make you think of? Who might require such a service? In this story, the person is Claudia. She has bright blue hair, funky gothic clothes, a huge smile framed by dark lipstick. She’s brimming with life and frustration and the hungriness of being twenty-one. The person offering the service is Marco, handsome, clean cut, dark hair and blue eyes that are warm and sad in turns.

If you are wondering if Marco has sex with Claudia, the answer is definitely no. He’s a specialist, a therapist, an assistant to help her on her journey to self-discovery. It seems like Claudia might be his first client (if that’s the word) and we see Marco himself being guided and coached on his approach to Claudia. He is kind and compassionate, but also a bit hard to read. At one point, a voice off camera asks him the question maybe we are all asking: why is he doing this? He replies that he’s been working with and accompanying disabled people for years and that while there are structures in place to make sure they are housed, fed, have social interaction and physical exercise, sex is totally taboo. He points out that sex is on the first, most fundamental level of Maslow’s pyramid of needs, but that for people living with handicaps, this is almost never addressed.

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The complete 'polaroid' - text, minicast and polaroid photo - available at: http://polaroid41.com/the-bodies-we-live-in/