Birth Mother Matters S4, Ep225; Birthfather Involvement in the Adoption Process

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 32: Adoption Positive Language Here are some reasons why adoption language is important. Educating others: There are a great many negative myths and ideas surrounding adoption. It clouds what can be a beautiful way to become a family in a scary light. Because of stories on the news, and uneducated members of society -that being adopted is shameful and something to be hidden, sometimes there is negativity surrounding the notion of adoption.Protect the pride and mind of the child as well as the families involved. Biological parents are no more “real” than adoptive parents. A biological parent can choose adoption for their child if they cannot provide for emotionally or financially, but they do not “give them away”. To avoid shaming a child. Telling a child “You’re so lucky your parents adopted you” sends a message that can cause shame, misunderstanding and confusion. There is loss involved in an adoption that children cannot easily underdstand. The adoptive parents are the lucky ones in this situation to be able to adopt. If you want to compliment a adoptive family you could say something like “You have a beautiful family."

10 Des 201917min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 31: Bonding With Your Adopted Newborn Post adoption depression: What is it? Could it happen to you? Mothers frequently feel a loss when baby is born. Postpartum depression is common. Post-adoption depression is equally common, though hardly ever mentioned. Why feel down just when a monumental dream has come true? But after the high of waiting for baby to arrive, a let-down may be inevitable for emotional balance. Relating to an actual baby may also trigger a more-concrete sense of the loss of your fantasy child. Fear that you might lose your new baby if anyone found out how you feel may also cause you to hide your stress, enhancing a sense of isolation. But moods change. The way you feel in moments of high stress is not how you will feel forever. Looking beyond dark feelings to what your baby needs and feels becomes the agenda of attachment. Adoptive parents yearn to build a family while feeling terrified something will go wrong.  Bonding versus attachment: What’s the difference? Bonding can be defined as the attachment that the primary caregiver feels for the infant.  Bonding is about the love, care, and concern that are unique to your relationship with your baby.  Attachment is a two-way reciprocal process between parents and their children. Attachment is an emotional connection that develops between an infant and the primary caregiver. If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 or our toll-free number, 1-800-340-9665

6 Des 201922min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 30: Understanding the Adopted Child 1. Understand that “adoption” may be difficult to speak about Children may not always be sure when and if we can speak about adoption, to whom, when, where and how much is okay to talk about.Some adopted children may not want to talk about adoption in front of anyone else. 2. Make sure that your adopted child knows they are adopted- don’t wait! Tell your child when they are younger and as they get older include more details that are age appropriate 3. Understand that separation and death can be a trigger In some aspects, regardless of the age a child is adopted, they may need a higher amount of reassurance than the average child.Adopted children want to feel secure and safe as well as permanency and focus on “forever.”Adopted children may have abandonment issues, even if they were adopted at birth.  4. Adopted children's behaviors should not always be attributed to adoption Children may just get angry sometimes and it has nothing to do with being adoptedSometimes it may be easier to attribute issues to adoption and when am adopted child grows through a behavioral phase, it may or may not have anything to do with being adopted.If an adopted child is sensitive about being adopted and has triggers, make sure you are aware of those triggers and work on preventative measures to avoid them and de-escalate them.  If you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.

3 Des 201920min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 29: Why Do People Adopt? There are many reasons why people choose to adopt..  Whether they choose to adopt domestically, internationally or from the foster system (or an older child who is related to them), prospective adoptive parents recognize that there are many children who don’t have the safe, loving and supportive home environments they need. This is one of many reasons to adopt. Knowing that they can provide the family that this child needs, prospective adoptive parents decide to pursue the adoption process. 95% of people who adopt do so because of issues with fertility.To Avoid Passing Down Genetic Disorders / Diseases To Avoid Pregnancy Complications – Some women are predisposed to having difficult pregnanciesTo Balance Population Growth To become paarentsThey may be a single parent and want to start a familyThey know others who were adopted or have adopted and see it as a positive way to grow a family. So, if you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  We believe in adoption aftercare services and have a program on site to provide continued support through the Donna K. Evans Foundation.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.  You are not alone and we want to help, thank you for considering adoption!

29 Nov 201918min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 28: Choosing An Adoptive Family Choosing an adoptive family for a birth mother does a few things in addition to moving her along in the adoption process: It makes her adoption decision real, she is looking at books of pictures of real families who are being presented to parent her unborn baby. This can create a myriad of emotionsSome birth mothers try to postpone or delay looking at profiles because it feels “real” at that point.  While others actually find peace after selecting a family because now they can focus on getting to know the adoptive family and know that they are making a wonderful choice for their childIt can make a birth mother re-think her decision on which type of adoption she would prefer; normally this goes from closed to semi-open or open.  When she sees the adoptive families she may see them as non-threatening, non-judgmental and accept that she is making an amazing choice and it will be better for her to be able to see her baby grow upBirth Mothers choose an adoptive family for reasons such as Type of Adoption PreferenceLocation of FamilyOther ChildrenPetsStay at Home Parent vs DaycareReligionLifestyle: Educated / Traveled / HobbiesReason for adopting This is what I see birth mothers do when looking at adoption profiles: Look at the covers of all first and usually wind up picking the first book they pick up. Some read every word, while others skim through.Some  cry while looking at the books.All  love to keep the book after choosing a family so they can create a connection and “study” the book.

27 Nov 201916min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 27: National Adoption Month #NationalAdoptionMonth  National Adoption Day is officially celebrated on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. National Adoption Awareness Month is here! It’s a month-long event to encourage people to learn about adoption, recognize people who have been impacted by adoption, and organize positive adoption-related events.  Facts About National Adoption Day: The awareness color for Adoption is White.National Adoption Day is observed annually on the Saturday before Thanksgiving.To date, the dreams of 75,000 children in foster care have come true as part of National Adoption Day events. A foster child usually has to wait nearly 4 years to be adopted, but more than 20,000 kids age out of the foster care system at age 18 every year without either forever family or permanent home. The aim of National Adoption Day is to provide forever families to as many children as possible. National Adoption Awareness Month is here! It’s a month-long event to encourage people to learn about adoption, recognize people who have been impacted by adoption, and organize positive adoption-related events. There are many ways you and your family can learn and participate this year! Retell Your Child’s Adoption Story to ThemSpread Awareness through Your Social MediaHave a Family Movie Month - Watch Positive Adoption-Related MoviesDonate Time and Money to a Local Organization that Supports AdoptionRead Adoption Related Books with your child If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 .

22 Nov 201918min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 26: After An Adoption Match Fails How do you move forward after an adoption match fails.  Listen to an adoptive family first-hand how he and his wife moved forward.  Learn how to look part the grief towards the rainbow at the end of your adoption journey, how to restore faith in your adoption choice and how to grieve and move on.  Accept grief for what it is, understand it may be part of your adoption journey and if it is learn what to do to get through this difficult time.  Learn more about the adoption process and how families move forward and what happens after an adoption match fails.  Believe you will end up adopting the baby you were meant to have.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the expert on grief said,“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” Recommendations: CounselingHealingSupport GroupsRe-EvaluateOpen Heart “Grief never ends… But it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of love.” – author unknown Adoption is always the beginning, never the end. Adoption may not have been your dream, but understand adoption is the dream of another woman who may not be able to conceive. Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency.  www.buildingarizonafamilies.com

19 Nov 201929min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 25:  Support & The Ability to Grieve Services provided for Adoption Aftercare Services Education. Learn about your choice and the road which led you down it.Self-Care: Take care of yourself oin every area.Reading:  A number of good books discuss the birth mother experienceFind specialized counseling. Therapy with other birth mothers. Individual counseling can be a means to address the past, to incorporate the past into the present, and to move into the futureBelief System Know, accept and believe that you are a mother to this childForgiveness.  Know that you did the very best you could in the position you are in, the previous choices you had made and the circumstances surrounding your choice.  Forgiveness of yourself is paramaount,.Acceptance.  Find peace in yourself and in your decision. The Donna K. Evans Foundation is located at www.dkefoundation.com at 8433 N. Black Canyon Highway Building 6, Suite 158, Phoenix, AZ 85021. "Neither society nor the adopter who holds the child in her arms wants to confront the agony of the mother from whose arms that same child was taken." ~Margaret McDonald Lawrence

15 Nov 201925min