Shame, Perfectionism & Smiling Depression :: Misty and Stephanie [Ep 154]

Shame, Perfectionism & Smiling Depression :: Misty and Stephanie [Ep 154]

Today I’ve invited two gals to the kitchen table. We’re chatting about some good-hard topics. Like a good workout, this was a conversation we did and didn’t want to have.

Praise the Lord, “shame” is no longer taboo. More and more people are willing to be vulnerable and share their struggles. And women are finding freedom from the thoughts of unworthiness replaying in their minds.

Since I’m confident Brene Brown’s research and writings stimulated this movement. Here are her words on the topic:

I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive.

In this conversation, Misty, Stephanie & I talk about how often inward shame leads to outward perfectionism. And eventually that can lead to (a new-to-me term) smiling depression.

As women of faith we can take our thoughts of unworthiness and exchange them for the Truth of what Christ has done for us. We can rest in His worthiness on our behalf. And rest in God’s pleasure over us. Believing He is for us and there is nothing we can do to earn or lose His love.

Thank you Misty for being brave and sharing your story. Thank you Stephanie for sharing your own struggles and professional insight. May we show one another grace and freedom, so that no one suffers alone. May more women gather around tables and have similar conversations (sign up here to host a GCM podcast club).

In this hour we chat about:
  • Inner shame talk and the burden of unworthiness.
  • Smiling depression
  • Believing the lie of not good enough
  • Becoming aware of our striving to gain worth.
  • What steps to take in healing shame/perfectionism/depression.
  • Finding safe community to be vulnerable.
  • Allowing a counselor to help you find more freedom.
  • What makes someone move through shame and why do others get stuck in it.
  • How shame impacts 17-24 year olds.
  • Two practical activities to increase awareness of other’s love and God’s love towards you.

Episoder(500)

An Easier Way Bonni Greiner Ep 120

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him.

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The Art of Nurturing Boys :: David Thomas [Ep 119]

The Art of Nurturing Boys :: David Thomas [Ep 119]

I’m not a boy. Yet I’m raising four of them to be men. And as much as culture tries to tell us there aren’t differences between boys and girls. My every day experience begs to differ. I truly don’t understand the “why” behind most of my boys’ choices. And it never benefits me to ask. This week (for my own help and maybe yours too) I’ve invited David Thomas on the show. As a family therapist and director at DayStar Counseling Center in Nashville, David has lots of experience counseling families and children. Having his own set of twin boys has provided a lot of education as well. The first book I ever read that gave me a glimpse into the mind of a boy is David’s book “Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys”**.  Then I heard him speak at a DotMom event and I’ve always wanted to have him on the show. Our conversation did not disappoint. David’s genteel manner and calm approach gave me such peace. Afterwards I felt encouraged and equipped to not only “handle” my boys but enjoy their uniqueness. David answered a slew of questions I received on Facebook from listeners. But a theme emerged in each topic we covered: outlets and boundaries. David would point out a need boys have and how we as moms could provide a proper outlet for that need. But he also gave great instruction on how to train on boys in regulation, by setting boundaries on where and when those needs can be met. If you are a boymom, get ready to be set free from a lot of guilt over “why your boy does that”. And given some practical ideas to help create places and times in your family’s schedule to let “boys be boys” but not allow that phrase to be an excuse for unkind or inappropriate behavior. If you’re not a boymom, I hope this will still be an entertaining episode to help you understand your husband, nephews, friend’s son. And stay tuned because I’m working with David’s partner Sissy Goff to record a “Raising Girls” episode this fall. (Of course, feel free to share this episode with any boymom friends you have. . .they will thank you!). What we chat about: When and how to let boys rough-house/wrestle How “Stage One boys” (ages 1 to 4 years old) express love with aggression. Providing an outlet and training regulation and respect. How to help our boys who feels things deeply (the ones often labeled as ‘sensitive’). Giving boys ways to process emotions with space and physical outlets. Helping boys hear our directions and respond to us. Taking advantage of how boys are hardwired visually. How to handle when boys talking about private parts, farting, etc. 4 & 14 year old boys and their testosterone surges. Links Mentioned: Brooke McGlothlin (Thank you Brooke for connecting us!) Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys ** Mini Trampoline ** ($25 option) Trampoline with handle bar  ** ($70 option) 5 Practical Actions to Help Boys Behave Birds and the Bees? Oh Help Me Please with Mary Flo Ridley (Ep 25) Raising Boys and Girls **Amazon affiliate link

9 Mai 201658min

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

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Made New Megan Craig Ep 117

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

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Ridiculous Faith Shelene Bryan Ep 116

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

18 Apr 201643min

Unstuffed Ruth Soukup

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

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Miss the Silver Lining by Expecting Gold Mary Carver Ep 114

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

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Get Your Story Straight Kristen Hatton Ep 113

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Heather MacFadyen, mother of four boys, interviews guests discussing the topic of staying God-centered...both replacing "me" with "He" and remembering we are centered in Him. /

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