S12 Ep. 9: Cross-Dressing, Painful Sex, and How to Speed Him Up

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend and I went through a period of not having sex—we were so busy it got forgotten about. We made a point of having sex every Friday night—and now it’s stuck. We now ONLY have sex on Friday nights. She really likes this arrangement, but I hate having sex on a schedule. How can I make her more spontaneous?2) I am way more adventurous than my wife of many years and sex has become difficult for her lately (mostly due to painful sex). She knows my needs aren’t being met and told me she’d be OK if I had ‘mindless sex’ with someone else, provided there was no emotional attachment. She said there would be ground rules—it can’t be with anyone we know, she doesn’t want to hear or know about it, and I must practice safe sex. So, what should I do? Accept what is a genuine and, I believe, truly loving offer, or turn it down? At my age (I’m in my 60s) I feel it’s now or never. That sexually adventurous side of me has never been explored before, which I think is a bit sad. Any thoughts would be appreciated greatly.3) I’m a 37-year-old straight man and I’ve always loved sex, but find I’m losing my appetite. During lockdown, my wife and I worked from home. I still work from home—and it’s killed my sex drive. I’m bored and I masturbate too much to porn to relieve the boredom. I know that’s part of the problem, but I’ve lost all motivation to shake myself out of this. I can’t be the only person feeling like this.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

3 Jul 202426min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’ve lost a lot of weight using Ozempic and am delighted with how my body looks. I feel brand new and—at last—sexy and desirable. After years of complaining that I never initiate sex and accusing me of not even liking sex, I thought my husband would be pleased with my newfound confidence. I’m now super keen to try new things and have sex more often. I thought he would be happy with all these changes, but he just seems nervous about it all. He says he finds it "weird" that I’m the one now wanting sex. I’m confused and hurt.2) I’m a 27-year-old man and very much in love with my girlfriend of five years. Even though I’m essentially straight, I’ve always wanted to experiment sexually with another man. I have no desire to live as a gay man—I’m just curious what it would be like to sleep with one. I find it unfair that bi-curiosity is encouraged with women but not with men. My girlfriend has no idea I feel this way. I want to tell her and ask if we could explore this somehow, but I don’t want to lose her.3) I’m 46 and it’s finally dawned on me that, as much as I love sex, I don’t love sex in long-term relationships. I enjoy the power sex gives me over men. I love the game you both play at the start, and the moment when you first, finally, consummate all that pent-up lust. The first two months are fantastic but then, quickly, I lose interest in sex with that person completely. I kept searching for that magic person or relationship when the switch wouldn’t go off, but it’s never happened and never will happen. My question now is: what are my options? I can’t be the only one who feels like this. What do other people do?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 Jun 202424min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner makes strange noises during sex and it really puts me off. It’s like a whimpering noise—it sounds exactly like the noise my dog makes when I’ve locked her outside. I nearly burst out laughing the first time I heard it, now it’s just a turnoff. We’re four months into the relationship. How do I bring this up?2) I have (finally) met a great guy and the sex is good—he definitely gets me hot and bothered—but I can’t feel him inside of me. It’s the ‘Is it in yet?’ thing. His penis is on the small side, but I don’t think it’s that small. Any ideas on why this might be happening and how to improve things?3) I’m newly divorced and hopeful I will meet someone new. My issue is my kids. They love their father and didn’t want us to divorce (we have a boy aged nine and a girl aged 12). My question is what do I tell my kids when I meet someone? When should they meet him? Can he ever stay over? What if it’s just a fling and I don’t want them to meet him? Do I still let them know something is happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

19 Jun 202420min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I think my partner is faking orgasm because when he ejaculates, no semen comes out. The first time it happened, I asked him why there wasn’t much stuff. He said he didn’t know why and walked off. Since then, it happens now and then. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to embarrass him. Why would he fake it? Do men fake it? Is there another reason why this is happening?2) I recently discovered my husband of 22 years has a fake vagina sex toy and it’s freaked me out. We’re both open and adventurous with sex, so why would he need such a thing? It’s shaped like a woman’s bottom and has a hole for the anus and vagina. It’s ribbed inside, so he obviously puts his penis inside and masturbates into it. I’m not against sex toys—he used to own a Fleshlight—but I find this disturbing and somehow degrading to women. He’s hidden it from me, so obviously feels embarrassed as well. Should I tell him I’ve found it?3) I’m a 27-year-old female who is interested in exploring with the same sex. The issue I have is that I only seem to be able to orgasm using a vibrator, and the thought of giving oral sex/hand sex to another woman makes me anxious. If I can't pleasure myself this way, how can I expect to pleasure someone else? Men seem so much easier to please, and there's an obvious end point because they ejaculate. Any tips or advice to calm the nerves would be much appreciated.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

12 Jun 202422min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I love watching BDSM porn and have a masochistic kink. My wife enjoys sex, but is pretty conservative in what she likes. I’ve told her I’d quite enjoy being tied up or spanked and she looked shocked, so I didn’t pursue it. How do I let her know I’d really like her to indulge me a little during sex without her thinking I’m perverted?2) My husband and I have been together since college, married 37 years—and I absolutely adore him. A few years ago, he went through what appeared to be a mid-life crisis. He spent a lot of time in bars chatting up the cute, young bartenders and waitresses and looking them up online. He also went to strip clubs and lied to me about what he was doing. I was crushed, but we went to couples therapy and things are so much better. The problem is me. How do I trust again, move on, and stop obsessing? He says he was drinking too much, hanging out with the wrong people, and is very ashamed, embarrassed, and sorry. But when I ask him more probing questions about it, he completely shuts down. He will go to his grave with what happened, and I worry it was bad. But does it even matter? We are in such a good place now and we have a wonderful life. I need to forgive, forget, and move on, but I can’t. I've seen a therapist on my own and feel it isn't really helping.3) Sometimes, when I’m having sex, I’m really up for it and aroused, but then lose arousal just before an orgasm can happen. I miss the moment. It’s frustrating. Why does this happen, and how can I stop it happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Jun 202423min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner of four years has a friend who has opened up their relationship after having been married for nine years. Apparently, it’s working well. They have ‘sex only’ relationships, stick to some rules, and say it’s made them love each other more and enjoy sex more. My partner is intrigued by the idea and asked if I would be open to trying it. I can see the appeal, but it’s not something I am interested in at all. I was devastated when he suggested it, but not surprised. I handled it well and simply told him I needed time, even though inside I felt like I was dying. I don’t want to do this, but I don’t want to lose him either. How do I handle it?2) I’m a 35-year-old straight man and actively sexual with multiple partners. Giving my partner oral sex is something I do without thinking. I can’t imagine having sex without it because the pleasure goes both ways. But I have recently been made aware that there is a link between oral sex and throat or mouth cancer for men with lots of partners. Is this media hype? Should I stop having oral sex just in case?3) A friend of mine can’t orgasm no matter what she tries. I orgasm very easily and have told her all the things that help me, like using a vibrator, reading a book with a hot sex scene in it, and getting my boyfriend to give me oral sex. No matter what she tries nothing happens, and this has been going on for years. I feel so sorry for her. Can every woman orgasm? Could it be that she’s never going to have one? I don’t know else to suggest.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

29 Mai 202425min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner’s favorite position is doggy-style in front of a mirror. I hate sex from behind—I like face-to-face positions so we can kiss. I also hate watching myself naked because I focus on all that’s wrong with my body and can’t enjoy myself. My partner knows this, but I also know it’s his favorite thing and don’t want to deny him. Any tips on how to keep both of us happy?2) I am in my 50s and have completely lost my libido. I thought when I started HRT this would resolve, but it hasn’t. I’ve tried several different types, but to no avail. I have a stressful life working shifts and I’m also doing a demanding academic course part-time. My husband of seven years equates sex with love and is really fed up as I never initiate sex and we don’t kiss much. I have contacted my doctor, but they have done nothing to help. Please help, as I’m scared my husband will walk away.3) My new boyfriend is uncircumcised and this is totally new for me. Any tips on how to give a hand-job and oral sex to a man who has a foreskin? Because it’s early days, we’re using condoms and practicing safe sex. I’m also struggling to get the condom on—and for it to stay on. To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

22 Mai 202428min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) When I first got together with my partner of four years, we had lots of fun tying each other up. That stopped about a year ago and I really miss it, so I asked if we could incorporate it back into our lovemaking. The very same night, I walked into the bedroom ready for bed—not even slightly in the mood for sex—and there was a tie on the bed. I asked him what it was for, and he said to tie me up. I was in my dressing gown, listening to a podcast, slippers on—how could he not see that was not the time? I told him his timing was off and felt annoyed that he didn’t get that. I don’t want this to be a box that he's ticked—I want it to happen naturally, when we’re both really turned on and in the mood. It’s now been two months and he hasn’t initiated any tie-up sessions since. I don’t understand why, when I was very clear in what I wanted. Why doesn’t he want to please me?2) My husband and I have sex once every two months. We have two young kids, so that seemed about right to me. Recently, I used his computer and looked at his history and was quite shocked to see he’d been watching porn earlier that day while I was out. I’d be happy to have sex more often and feel insulted he’d prefer to masturbate to porn than have sex with me. Why didn’t he ask? Should I confront him about this? I feel quite hurt.3) I’m a 29-year-old female and I have a hard time orgasming. I've done a lot of research and listened to many of your podcasts. I've bought the toys, my partner is patient and generous—there is no good reason I shouldn't be successful! When I am able to orgasm, I have to tighten the muscles in my legs and lower abdomen. I also hold my breath. I read online that this is called a ‘tension orgasm’ and that the best fix is to relearn the way I orgasm. I've tried, but the sensation won't even begin to build unless my legs are flexed. I can vibrate, stroke for an hour or more and never feel an ounce of arousal. What gives?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

17 Apr 202421min