S12 Ep. 9: Cross-Dressing, Painful Sex, and How to Speed Him Up

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. Now that our children aren't babies anymore our sex life is being resurrected from the dead and better than ever. My husband has expressed an interest in me pegging him. I'll try anything once, especially since it's his hole and not mine. I'm writing to ask for pointers. What do I need to know? How can I make this more enjoyable for him? Tracey, do you have a book chapter on this? I'm so grateful this is anonymous!! I'm not willing to bring this up with my girlfriends.2) We’ve moved houses and made friends with our neighbors who are the same age as us (early 40s). Their bedroom is near ours and we can hear them having sex. We were quite happy with our sex life, but now feel boring. They have sex for ages and make a lot of noise. They haven’t been together as long as us (15 years compared to their 2 years) but it’s still making us feel uncomfortable.3) My husband of 20 years handed me his phone recently to look up information online while he was busy making dinner. While I was at it, I noticed that he's got the same period calendar installed as I have. Later, I took a closer look and saw that it had information about my cycle. That's fine, but he also has been putting notes on the calendar about our sex life and his masturbation habits. He writes comments like if I had an orgasm or if I finished by masturbating and who initiated, and—rightly noted by him—it's almost always me. It's like he's bookkeeping our intimacy. This also revealed to me that he masturbates way more than I knew: about 15 times a month in addition to the days we have sex together (which is about once a week). I feel like I want to confront him with this, but I'm reluctant to do it because I'm not sure how I feel about it. This didn't strike me well, but now I'm not so sure. Isn't this creepy?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

14 Feb 202425min

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Why can’t my husband change the way he approaches me for sex? He gives me this look that makes me want to run away…it’s primal, and it doesn’t feel good. I want him to start by just holding me and listening to me, but he says that isn’t what he wants at that time. Please help us with our communication!2) I’d love to know what you think of my situation. I’ve been with my partner for five years. We’re a straight couple and in our late 30s. It took me a long time to find a partner, and I worry that I compromised too much in the end. We get on okay, but I don’t feel passionate about him and I worry I am with him because it’s lonely being single. Our relationship seems based more on friendship than love.3) You’ve talked a lot about women going off sex on this podcast, but I have the opposite issue. My long-term partner has completely lost interest in me sexually and we haven’t had sex for three years. When I try to talk about it, he looks embarrassed and fobs me off and says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I am in my late 40s and keep myself looking good. I feel humiliated that he doesn’t find me sexually attractive anymore. All my other friends have husbands who hassle them for sex and I can’t get mine to look at me naked.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

31 Jan 202422min

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I am having an emotional affair with one of my coworkers. I’ve been married for almost 10 years and although I know this isn’t right, it’s making me feel alive again. Every part of me wants to sleep with this man but I don’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings, and I don’t want it to ruin my marriage. But I have a deep desire to have this experience. What is your advice? It seems like both choices will hurt.2) I’m dating a man with a small penis. It’s not a problem for me because intercourse is my least favorite thing about sex, and I orgasm easily through oral sex. But I can tell he’s paranoid about it and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. It’s the elephant in the room. I think he’s desperate to talk about it but I’m not sure how to broach the topic. I can’t just say, ‘Hey, so your penis is really small. Do you want to talk about that?’3) I enjoy having sex but not without having a glass of wine or cocktail before. I used to be able to get in the mood, but now I need to be a bit tipsy? Is this okay?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

24 Jan 202422min

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) You talk a lot about how most women have their orgasms through oral sex, but I’ve had more than one girlfriend push me away when I try to go down on her. They say they just aren’t into it. Is this true, or are there other reasons they aren’t telling me?2) I’m a 48-year-old woman and have been happily married for 12 years, but am feeling destabilized. I’ve made a new female friend, and I am more than a little obsessed with her husband. He is everything my husband isn’t: good-looking, successful, sporty. My husband is a lovely man, but he doesn’t tick any of these boxes. I’m now having sexual fantasies about this guy. It’s making me feel miserable and I’m starting to avoid having sex with my husband.3) Can you tell me the difference between anal play and anal sex? I wish they would call it by something else because then I would be more interested in it. I hear about it all the time now, but I’m not even sure what anal play means.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

17 Jan 202420min

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) After a few relationships in my twenties, I have enjoyed ten years of being (voluntarily) single, but am now looking to meet someone new. I’m keen for my next relationship to have open, honest communication around sex. I know it’s easier to start as you mean to go on, so I’d like to ask when and how I can start to set this precedent?2) I'm a 42 year-old female and it has always taken me ages to orgasm; but, once I've had an orgasm I'm so sensitized I can't be touched...anywhere. As a result, I generally just fake it for my partner so he orgasms, and always feel unsatisfied. Is this normal, or is there something I can do to desensitize myself?3) I’m 46 and back dating after a messy divorce. I was married for 20 years and feeling a bit nervous about it all. My main concern is safe sex. I’m on the Pill so protected against pregnancy, but should I be using a condom? I didn’t like using them in my 20s, but maybe they’ve changed now. What’s the etiquette? Do I bring some with me? Should I suggest it, or wait for him to? How likely is it to catch anything later in life?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 Jan 202421min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’m 36 and just started a relationship with a man I really like. He’s more experienced than me—he’s had lots of relationships, and I’ve only had two long-term relationships. Because of that, I tend to leave it up to him to initiate sex and take the lead in bed. He mentioned recently that it would be great if I was the one to suggest sex now and then. I want to do it, but I’ve never initiated sex before. Can you give me some practical suggestions?2) My partner and I love your show! You talk a lot about power games and how they can add excitement. We get the concept that one person is dominant and one submissive, but what do we actually do? Can you give us some scenarios of what we might try?3) My boyfriend is slim and I’m a generous size 16. I’m confident with my curves, though I have the odd day where I worry about being bigger than my boyfriend. He constantly tells me I am his ultimate fantasy and is always commenting on my curves and saying how sexy my body is. I just have to touch him and he gets hard. Should I be worried that I’m being fetishized for being bigger? My boyfriend has asked if I would stand in front of him while he pleasures himself. It feels strange not to be actively participating in his pleasure and just to stand in front naked. Is this normal?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

13 Des 202327min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) How do you have a cervical orgasm? I’ve heard Kelsey talk about it and I’m intrigued. How do you do it? It sounds quite full on and intense and I want to have one!2) I’m a 36-year-old straight woman and feel like I’m a boring lover. How can I be wilder in bed? I’ve done all the usual things—oral sex, different intercourse positions, hand jobs, BJs—but nothing beyond that. I don’t even know what else there is to do! I’m so vanilla! Can you give me some ideas of what to try and how to get over the embarrassment I feel when trying out new things?3) I enjoy sex with my girlfriend but I don’t like to lie and cuddle afterwards. It’s not that I don’t love her, I just feel irritable and anxious after I’ve had an orgasm. I’m not sure why. I’ve asked my male friends and it doesn’t happen to them.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

6 Des 202327min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I thought I’d never have to stare at a strange ceiling again, but here I am: newly separated and back out there again. I had a healthy amount of sexual experience before my marriage, but I’ve slept with no one but my husband for 25 years (I’m 52). I’m a confident person, but the thought of sleeping with someone new terrifies me. Can you give me some dos and don’ts of first-time sex with a new lover to help me through? 2) I’m a 29-year-old straight man and I need your help Tracey! I don’t think I am very good at giving women hand jobs. There’s a distinct lack of enthusiasm, and they seem too eager to move onto other things. What could I be doing wrong? Do I go there too soon? Am I too rough? I ask if she’s enjoying it, and most women say 'yes' even though I can tell they’re lying.3) I’m sure you get this question every day: how do I make myself want sex more? Every guy I’ve been with wants sex more than me. I want to have a high libido, but, apart from at the beginning I don’t think I do. Can I change that?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

29 Nov 202326min