468 - Vanessa Van Edwards - The Secret Language To Charismatic Communication (Cues)

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Vanessa Van Edwards is the Lead Investigator at Science of People. She is the bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, translated into 16 languages. More than 50 million people watch her engaging YouTube tutorials and TEDx Talk. Vanessa works with entrepreneurs, growing businesses, and trillion-dollar companies; and has been featured on CNN, BBC, CBS Mornings, Fast Company, Inc. Magazine, USA Today, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Today Show, and many more. Her latest book is called Cues: Master The Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.

Notes:

• Cues - It's about warmth and competence. Can I trust you? Can I rely on you? – How are you showing others warmth and competence?
• Dr. Kofi Essel - His non-verbal protocol for warmth:
  • Fronting - He angles his toes, torso, and head towards the person. Be in alignment with the patient.
  • Non-Verbal bridges - Slowly warm someone up. Lean in.
• In your 1 on 1 meetings, remove all barriers between you and the person. Show them 100% focus.
  • If you see someone gazing over your head, look where they're looking. It will help make them aware of what they're doing.
• Question Inflection - From the Ring founder when he pitched on Shark Tank. This is something that a lot of us mess up. When stating a fact, SAY IT, don't ask it.
• The 4 modes of communication:
  • Nonverbal
  • Verbal - Syntax
  • Vocal
  • Imagery
• Touch – A group of researchers at UC Berkeley watched the first 3 games of the NBA finals in the 2008-2009 season and counted every single time players were seen touching on camera. They found the team that touched the most, won the most games. Touches = higher trust
• Speed dating research – Followed 144-speed dates and found that postural expansiveness was the most romantically appealing trait. Participants who took up more space were 76% more likely to be chosen for future dates.
• Want to show someone they matter? That you're listening? Turning toward is tuning in.
• Zoom Calls – How do we best approach them? - Look into the camera so the other person feels you are looking them in the eye.
• Disney teaches all of their employees (from janitors to princesses) specific nonverbal cues to use with guests. And they all embody the pinnacle of warmth…

• "Being a highlighter is about constantly searching for the good in people. When you tell people they are good, they become better. When you search for what's good, you feel great."
• "When you try to be the same as everyone else, it's boring. When you try to fit into a mold, you become forgettable. When you try to be "normal," you become dull. Just be yourself, because no one is like you. If you're a little weird, own it. The right people will like you for it."
• "Vulnerability is sexy—it shows we are relatable, honest, and real. That is attractive. And the science proves it: "A blunder tends to humanize him and, consequently, increases his attractiveness."
• "Humans are purpose-driven creatures. We want to believe there are reasons behind everything we do. Before leaders can inspire action, they have to get emotional buy-in. When we explain the motivations behind a goal, it allows listeners to feel partial ownership of that goal."