Defensiveness vs Gaslighting - What's the Difference & How to Stop Both: Episode 362

Defensiveness vs Gaslighting - What's the Difference & How to Stop Both: Episode 362

It's important for all of us to admit that we have defensive mechanisms and that we do get defensive with our partners at times. Let's allow ourselves some grace here. Many of you would probably relate to getting even more defensive about getting defensive! It is common to go on the offensive through deflection or blame, which can leave another feeling that their experience is being invalidated.

However that does not mean that someone is being gaslighted. Gaslighting is a much more serious pattern when it is happening, and is a strong accusation to make that can quickly escalate a conversation or conflict. In this episode you will hear the clear distinction between defensiveness and gaslighting so that you can use the terms properly and reduce escalation. By the end of the episode you will hear 6 different actions to take to reduce both defensiveness and gaslighting in your relations. Both of these lead to erosion of connection, love, and emotional closeness.

Relationship Resources:

Join one of the 30 Day Couples Challenges starting Oct 1st, 2024 - select either one with this link: https://www.meetthefreemans.com/challenges. Or see the individual details below:

Level 1 details: "Prioritizing Us" is focused on strengthening your connection, communication, and fun "Love Deposit" ideas. LINKED HERE

Level 2 details : "Rebuilding Us" is focused on repairing and rebuilding after a harder season of marriage. LINKED HERE

Episoder(438)

How to Stop Reacting to Each Other & Regulate Your Emotions Instead: Episode 430

How to Stop Reacting to Each Other & Regulate Your Emotions Instead: Episode 430

So many couples tell us the same thing lately: "We don't even feel like we're choosing to react—it just happens." It can be a tone, a look, or a comment that lands wrong. And suddenly you're respondin...

20 Jan 26min

Debriefing a Moment that Could Have Escalated For Us, But Became a Healing Conversation: Episode 429

Debriefing a Moment that Could Have Escalated For Us, But Became a Healing Conversation: Episode 429

Sometimes it's not the big issues that unravel a marriage, it's the small, everyday moments that quietly stack up. A comment said with the wrong tone. A boundary expressed when stress is already high....

13 Jan 38min

Falling in Love vs Staying in Love: The Science of Maintaining Your Romantic Connection Over Time: Episode 428

Falling in Love vs Staying in Love: The Science of Maintaining Your Romantic Connection Over Time: Episode 428

It's easy to look at movies or social media and wonder why love once felt effortless, and now feels quieter, more routine, or even distant. No one prepares you for the reality that long-term love does...

23 Des 202531min

3 Places to be More Loving so Your Partner Feels More Loved: Episode 427

3 Places to be More Loving so Your Partner Feels More Loved: Episode 427

Most couples want to feel more loved, appreciated, and connected. But the way we go about it often backfires. We wait until we're running on empty to tell our partner what we need, and in that vulnera...

16 Des 202526min

Do This "End of Year Check-in" Now to Get Aligned and Connected Before 2026: Episode 426

Do This "End of Year Check-in" Now to Get Aligned and Connected Before 2026: Episode 426

Most couples glide into the new year on autopilot, sometimes with excitement and optimism, hoping things will feel different, more connected, less chaotic… yet they end up repeating the same patterns ...

9 Des 202540min

What is Emotional Intimacy, Really? and How to Create More of it: Episode 425

What is Emotional Intimacy, Really? and How to Create More of it: Episode 425

So many couples love each other deeply… yet still feel disconnected. They talk every day, but the conversations revolve around schedules, responsibilities, and what needs to get done next. In this epi...

2 Des 202539min

Focus on the 3 C's to Feel Loved By Each Other Through the Holiday Season: Episode 424

Focus on the 3 C's to Feel Loved By Each Other Through the Holiday Season: Episode 424

The holidays can bring out both the best and the worst in a marriage. Between packed schedules, family dynamics, and endless to-do lists, it's easy for connection to get lost in the chaos. But this se...

25 Nov 202515min

Discussing Holiday Expectations and Visiting In-Laws (To Prevent Chaos and Conflict): Episode 423

Discussing Holiday Expectations and Visiting In-Laws (To Prevent Chaos and Conflict): Episode 423

The holidays are supposed to feel relaxing and joyful. But for many couples, they're anything but. Between travel plans, family visits, and unspoken expectations, this season can quickly become chaoti...

18 Nov 202529min

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