201 Lots of fish in the sea, how do I find mine?

201 Lots of fish in the sea, how do I find mine?

We’ve made a ton of episodes about how to work on relationships once you’re in them. But we also often get asked… how do I actually find good matches while dating??

It’s not always as easy as making an online dating profile and seeing how it goes. We often focus so much on what we want in a partner that we forget to ask ourselves what we’re actually available to offer. If you’re struggling with dating, we’re gonna help you get clear on your availability and bottom-line requirements, which just might totally transform the experience from an exhausting exercise to an exciting opportunity for genuine connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The critical difference between knowing what you want in a partner versus knowing what you're available to offer

— Why fawning (trying to be what you think others want) leads to unsatisfying connections and wasted time

— How to identify and honor your "bottom-line requirements" in relationships

— Why the dating pool in non-monogamy can feel smaller, leading to scarcity mindset and compromising on what truly matters

— The importance of creating dating contexts that support your authentic self (like choosing coffee shops over romantic restaurants for first dates)

— Why having 2-3 specific questions you ask on every first date can help you gather crucial information

— How to balance putting your best foot forward without falling into people-pleasing patterns

— The value of taking breaks from dating when needed and returning with renewed clarity

— Why articulating what you ARE available for is more powerful than listing what you're NOT available for

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

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Episoder(258)

253 The Shadow of Compersion

253 The Shadow of Compersion

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15 Aug 43min

252 Triad Life in a World of Couples with Margo, Jody & Chris

252 Triad Life in a World of Couples with Margo, Jody & Chris

Relationships are messy, and when you re-imagine life with three instead of two, well, let's just say the complexity multiplies in ways you might not expect, even if you've been practicing non-monogam...

1 Aug 1h 15min

251 Trailblazing vs Following: The Hidden Dynamic That May Be Creating Resentment

251 Trailblazing vs Following: The Hidden Dynamic That May Be Creating Resentment

When a couple opens their relationship, there’s almost always one partner who tends to take more initiative – to seek out information, read all the books, listen to podcasts, find a poly-aware therapi...

18 Jul 48min

250 Relationship Re‑Imagination: The Framework

250 Relationship Re‑Imagination: The Framework

To celebrate hitting 250 episodes of Playing With Fire, we’re diving deep into something we've been asked about constantly since our first episode on it over a year ago: Relationship Re-Imagination.We...

4 Jul 2h 24min

[Replay] 194 Re-Imagining Relationships

[Replay] 194 Re-Imagining Relationships

When something isn't working, even if you’ve been practicing non-monogamy for a long time, it’s really easy to default into the monogamous paradigm, which offers only a few set options. But what if th...

27 Jun 51min

249 Is Your Non‑Monogamy Actually Just Two Monogamies?

249 Is Your Non‑Monogamy Actually Just Two Monogamies?

So you made the transition to non-monogamy… but you ended up feeling like you’re living two separate parallel lives in different relationships. This might not seem like that big a deal from the outsid...

20 Jun 48min

248 Beyond People-Pleasing: Practicing Healthy Autonomy in Relationships

248 Beyond People-Pleasing: Practicing Healthy Autonomy in Relationships

People pleasing is not an effective strategy on the path to healthy, conscious relating. But adopting an approach towards autonomy that amounts to ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’ is…not it either. These...

13 Jun 44min

247 Non-Monogamy, Mono-Mind: The Invisible Scripts Running Your Communication

247 Non-Monogamy, Mono-Mind: The Invisible Scripts Running Your Communication

Chances are, if you know one thing about conscious relating, it’s that communication is key. And if you’re good at communicating in monogamous relationships, you might think that those skills will eas...

6 Jun 42min

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