42 | Breaking Free of Narcissism: Mia Hanks on Escaping a 29-Year Marriage with a Narcissist

In this compelling episode of Mental Makeover Radio, Cecilia Mannella sits down with Mia Hanks, a survivor of narcissistic abuse and the author of the memoir Bride-Made. Mia shares her harrowing experience of being married to a covert narcissist for 29 years and the journey she undertook to reclaim her life. Mia discusses her sheltered upbringing, naivety, and how she fell into a relationship with a covert narcissist at a young age.

Mia recounts early red flags, such as her ex-husband's lack of empathy when she was ill and his overreactions to minor issues. She describes the constant feeling of walking on eggshells and the psychological toll it took on her.

The Complexity of Narcissism

Narcissism vs. Selfishness: We discuss the difference between selfish behaviour and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), emphasizing that true narcissists are rarely self-aware or diagnosed.

Spectrum of Narcissism: Mia and I talk about the spectrum of narcissism, from narcissistic traits to sociopathy and psychopathy.

The Leaving Process

Fear and Strategy: Mia discusses the fear of leaving, especially given her ex-husband's threats of self-harm, and the strategy she employed to leave gradually. She highlights the financial control her ex-husband exerted and the challenges it posed when she decided to leave.

Health Impacts

Mia describes the severe physical and mental health issues she faced due to the prolonged stress and abuse, including sleep deprivation, chronic pain, and anxiety attacks.

Advice for Others

Planning and Preparation: Mia offers practical advice for those looking to leave abusive relationships, such as stockpiling money, securing important documents, and keeping plans secret. We emphasize the importance of having a support system, whether it's friends, family, or a therapist.

Healing and Moving Forward

Therapy and Writing: Mia talks about her healing journey through therapy and writing her memoir, which provided her with validation and a new perspective on her experiences. Mia hopes her story will offer hope and guidance to others in similar situations.

Links:

Mia Hanks on TikTok: NPD and Me @npdandme Grab Mia’s book Bride-Made

Time Stamps

00:00:02 - Introduction to Mental Makeover Radio

00:00:33 - Guest Introduction: Mia Hanks

00:01:12 - Mia's Background and Marriage History

00:02:00 - Early Red Flags in the Marriage

00:03:40 - The Naivety of Youth

00:04:21 - Recognizing the Signs of Narcissism

00:05:00 - Lack of Empathy and Walking on Eggshells

00:07:01 - Misconceptions About Narcissism

00:08:10 - Narcissism Spectrum and Sociopathy

00:10:09 - Fear and Challenges of Leaving

00:11:05 - Marriage Counseling Experience

00:12:07 - Emotional Manipulation in Therapy

00:14:04 - The Leaving Process

00:17:25 - Threats of Self-Harm

00:18:49 - Emotional Manipulation and Victimhood

00:21:09 - Physical and Mental Health Effects

00:23:20 - Chronic Pain and Sleep Deprivation

00:24:34 - The Slow Evolution of Abuse

00:26:12 - Financial Abuse and Control

00:28:30 - Planning to Leave: Financial Tips

00:33:11 - Practical Steps for Leaving

00:34:09 - Keeping Plans Secret

00:35:12 - The Cunning Nature of Narcissists

00:37:00 - Importance of Community and Support

00:38:10 - Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

00:41:05 - Self-Compassion and Healing

00:41:17 - Co-Parenting and Healing Journey

00:42:33 - The Therapeutic Power of Writing

00:43:42 - Where to Find Mia Hanks and Her Book

Resources:

Connect with Cecilia Mannella on her Website

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified therapist or healthcare provider for personalized guidance.