Closing the 18-Inch Gap Podcast-EP017: Let's Talk About Relationships- A Raw Conversation

Relationships are difficult to say the least. They involve every aspect of our interactions as humans. To not be in some type of relationship, even just the most basic social norms of relating with someone else is harmful to say the least. Today I'll be reding directly from my own book and dive deeper into this important subject.

Starting on page 12 of my book near the bottom it reads:

I learned this along with many other aspects of running a marathon from a very wise coach and marathon runner herself, Jevonnah Ellison. Let me tell you a little more about Jevonnah, or as she is affectionately called, "Lady J." Lady J is one coach I worked with who still speaks into my life. She brings an extra level of expertise directly related to coaching. Lady J taught me how we need to work with others by building relationships through the following analogy:

A tree has roots, branches, and leaves. Root people are strong, stable, and secure. They can help you to thrive in so many areas of your life. When you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree, then you have found something special. They are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen and their only job is to ground and support you, and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy.

Branch people have the potential to lift you and help you grow. But some branches may be too damaged and weak to support you so be careful not to mistake branches for roots. And if you want to grow, you must allow yourself to be pruned from the toxic branches that are holding you back.

Leaf people come into your life, and they are like leaves on a tree that are only there for a season. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows, they're gone. Don't waste your energy being frustrated with them. And don't be angry at them, it's just who they are. Instead, change your narrative and the company you keep. Spend more time with people who are like roots and have strong branches. You'll find comfort, kindness, and the ability to thrive there.

### End of book reading ###

Let's take a deeper dive into his:

· Let's start with the roots- who are your root people?

· Who is your 2 AM friend?

· The late Dan Miller counted over 100 people we had on this list. That's a lot of people at summation point.

· Professionals can be root people that are closer to the surface

· Very close family members and a few very close friends will be the deeper and stronger roots

Let's look at the branch people next:

Some branches may be too damaged and weak to support you.

I also like to add another aspect of the tree not mentioned in my reading. And that's the length of the branch, the longer the branch the more reach it has.

Some people will have a further and better understanding than others.

You must allow yourself to be pruned from the toxic branches that are holding you back because just like a tree in real life it must also be pruned back.

The reason for this is because the more branches a tree has, the more energy it needs to keep itself completely alive.

Now let's talk about the third version of the tree, the leaves:

· There is a true story in that book in which I changed the names and never identified the work, at least not in the book. I call it the Jonathan story. Jonathan is a real person with a different name. Jonathan would also be asking me for my resignation almost 27 years after started my work there.

· Leaves are very important when you think about it. If you know where little bit about biology, you'll know that oxygen comes from the leaves on trees.

· We need leaves in our lives and like my reading of my book states they will come and go in seasons.

· The area of the United States in where I live, there are seasons.

· Each season represents part of a journey and the tree.

A little bit about the mistakes I have made that have caused me significant pain but have taught me to close my own 18-inch gap as well:

Point number one: I always thought everyone was roots.

Point number two: I often saw myself as wanting to be a root but wanted to also be seen.

Point number three: there are people that I must look for branches when they were roots.

Point number four, that I learned about relationships: when people leave don't chase after them.

Point number five: I didn't recognize close enough when the seasons of change came.

Always remember that you don't need a huge amount of friends to be able to thrive. Having too many people speak in your life will have you listen to too many voices which will confuse you.

Do you want to talk more about this with me. If so, reach out to me and let me know. Simply go to edwin@edwinsoler.com for a 100% confidential and 100% free consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.