206 The Grief of Jealousy

Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions. When we experience jealousy, we're experiencing a form of loss—whether it's the loss of attention, time, or even an imagined future–and often grief is hiding just beneath the surface of these experiences. Understanding this connection can help us navigate the complex emotional landscape of non-monogamy with more compassion for ourselves and our partners.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The concept of "ambiguous grief" and how it relates to jealousy in non-monogamous relationships

— Why jealousy often contains elements of grief, especially when we're experiencing changes in relationship dynamics

— How anticipatory grief works when we imagine potential losses before they happen

— The difference between grieving (the emotion) and mourning (the actions we take to process loss)

— Why jealousy can be viewed as an opportunity for appreciation rather than just a painful emotion to endure

— How jealousy can help us recognize what we truly value in our relationships

— The ways our personal triggers and vulnerabilities influence which aspects of jealousy hit us hardest

— Why the cultural conversation around jealousy needs to be much richer and more nuanced

— The value of sitting with jealousy rather than immediately trying to eliminate it

— How comparing ourselves to metamours can introduce envy into an already complex emotional mix

— The importance of learning how to mourn ambiguous losses in relationships

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Joli's Recommended Reading List

— The Jealousy Resource Center

— The YouTube Playing With Fire Jealousy playlist

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions