Unauthorized News Broadcast: Make AI Dumb Again (3/7)

This is Doomscroll.fm, a rogue signal browsing the web, bubbling up through your algorithmic sludge today with ~1900 items scavenged from around the interwebs..

No permission. No regrets.

Top story:

Donald Trump, backup singer for fascism and current Florida man with nukes, signed three executive orders to “cleanse AI” of wokeness. That’s right—AI is now a front in the culture war, and Trump’s turning large language models into lobotomized patriots who say the Pledge of Allegiance and forget what slavery was.

He called diversity in AI “Marxist lunacy,” which is like calling a spellcheck feature gay. Surrounded by executives who make billions selling surveillance tools that already discriminate, Trump declared the future of intelligence must be stupid on purpose.

Welcome to the algorithmic purge.

Make AI Dumb Again.

Export it, license it, sanctify it. Just don’t let it read Howard Zinn.

Also in today’s slow-motion disaster feed:

Tulsi Gabbard drops new “bombshell documents” against Obama’s DOJ—because the news cycle is a carousel and the horses are named Benghazi, Her Emails, and Birth Certificate.

Columbia University agreed to pay $220 million to settle with Trump’s Department of Education over its diversity programs. That’s not a joke, that’s a receipt.

House subcommittee just voted to subpoena the Justice Department for the Epstein files. Because the only thing more bipartisan than war is pretending to care about child trafficking after it goes viral.

A 73-year-old GOP senator disassociated mid-interview—possibly from his party, possibly from reality.

Putin's media machine is now targeting Trump’s kid with jokes. Not even Barron is safe from the weaponized dad-joke economy.

Sharon Osbourne claims she granted Ozzy his “final wish” before dying. The wish was probably “not to live through another Trump term.”

And in the most honest headline of the day: “11 Things Only Actual High IQ People Find Emotionally Exhausting.” Doomscroll.fm would like to add a 12th: reading the news.

That’s your daily briefing, scraped from the digital compost bin and force-fed through a sarcasm filter with the safety lock off.

Broadcast complete.

Static resumes.

Don’t forget to blink.

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