184 - Merging Who I Was Supposed To Be With Who I Am

184 - Merging Who I Was Supposed To Be With Who I Am

Heidi, from Silicon Valley, California, grew up walking on eggshells, crying a lot and "staying small" in her world despite being gifted. She found her maternal family guided by a somewhat famous reunion specialist who helped the reunion along.

Heidi says reunion can be weird and awkward for how much time has passed while an adoptee tries to get to know their biological relatives in the present. Her reunions are further complicated by the emotions of her birth mother and birth father being the opposite reactions to her return than she expected. This is Heidi's journey

Lyrics to Looking For Me (Lyrics)

Looking for Me (Heidi Frederick © 2021)

My life a blurry canvas, full of pain and sometimes numb

No voice, no choice, grasping for joy, yet slipping through my hands

So lost without direction, afraid to ask for help

full of fear and loneliness, days and nights all by myself

Silent struggle of a misfit, just trying to fit in

please tell me what to hope for, don’t let me down again

Missing peace, missing pieces, yet not a search for them,

I’m looking for me, to set me free, know who I truly am

Searching for places, strangers faces, no reflection found

was looking for them, yet searching for me

alone, yet in a crowd

If you could only know, my motive is so pure

Not looking to replace you, our relationship, secure

It’s not them I’m looking for, it’s me I long to know,

You chose me then, you choose me now, but I need to heal and grow

Can’t imagine, what they went through, so young and so alone

knowing she’s a part of you and suddenly she’s gone

They told you to move on, you’ll have more kids one day

It’s better not to hold her, just turn and walk away

Searching for places, strangers faces, no reflection found

was looking for you, but searching for me

still alone, yet in a crowd

Ties that bind, can’t be broken with false promised and empty words

After all this is your child, yet, she’s no longer yours

She’s spent her whole life wondering, if one day you would meet

no bitterness or resentment, not filled with rage or hate

With secrets and shame comes darkness, but courage and hope bring light

Walls come down, healing is found, not easy, but worth the fight.

My life, now a mosaic of brokenness and light

To rise and shine for all to see, to pass the torch of life

Searching for places, strangers faces, my reflection found

In my search for you, I’ve been set free

my soul no longer bound.

Searching for places, strangers faces, my reflection found

In my search for you, I’ve been set free

my soul no longer bound.

Who Am I Really?


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Damon's own story in print and audio:


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Episoder(287)

140 - I Wanted To Be My True Self

140 - I Wanted To Be My True Self

Darryl, from Australia, admits he had a challenging childhood from his relationship with his adoptive father, to their family's need to move around a lot because they were so poor, and his experience ...

28 Mar 45min

139 -A Sense Of Peace And Calm

139 -A Sense Of Peace And Calm

Wendy, from Minnesota, had a lot of information about her natural mother and assumed the woman would want to know her, but that wasn't the case. They corresponded once, solely for her natural mother t...

14 Mar 38min

144 – Gullah Girl

144 – Gullah Girl

Brandi, who called me from myrtle Beach, South Carolina, is an inquisitive person adopted in to a family with a history of scholars, which is rare for a black family in the south. DNA led Brandi to a ...

7 Mar 28min

143 - He Really Stepped Up

143 - He Really Stepped Up

When Susan, from Irving, Texas, found her natural mother, she learned she was conceived in transit when two young lives collided, then never saw one another again. Her birth mother's life seemed too ...

28 Feb 42min

136 – Your Absence Has Gone Through Me

136 – Your Absence Has Gone Through Me

To date, I’ve only interviewed a few guests who weren't adoptees, and this will be another one. Today you're going to meet Anne-Marie from Southern California who drafted an impassioned submission to ...

21 Feb 1h 26min

134 – Destined To Be Unique

134 – Destined To Be Unique

Liz, from Michigan, grew up in a neighborhood full of adoptees, so it wasn’t until years later in the Dominican Republic teaching a class with a lot of adoptees in it that her own adoption sunk in. Af...

14 Feb 51min

127 – I Think I Was Afraid Of Knowing

127 – I Think I Was Afraid Of Knowing

Jim, who now lives in Delaware, said growing up he had no desire to search for his first family. After his parents passed and he found his adoption name change form, his feelings about a search change...

7 Feb 46min

141 - That Wasn't The Real Me

141 - That Wasn't The Real Me

Gloria called me from Texas where she grew up with Mexican parents. In younger days she tried to find the ways she looked like her family. In adulthood, following the whim of some co-workers, Gloria d...

31 Jan 56min

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