060 – Its Like Ripping The Wounds Off Over And Over

Alisa describes her life as the child of Latvian refugees who escaped the brutality and destruction of World War II. They raised Alisa in the ways of their heritage and while she identifies with her community and her upbringing, she admits she struggled with being an imposter. In reunion, her birth parents had an odd request for her that I’ve never heard before, and that she wasn’t comfortable fulfilling. Over time she began to feel like a disappointment to them. Thankfully, in the middle of it all, Alisa was able to express her love and gratitude to her adopted father before losing him suddenly.

Read Full TranscriptAlisa: 00:05 I told him before he died and I didn’t know he was gonna die. Said, you are the only dad has ever had. You’re my dad I loved him and I really am glad I said that because he died of a sudden heart attack about a month later. I was really, really fortunate that I was able to say that you did make me rethink, you know, the importance of letting people know how much you care about them. She never know what will be your last chance.

Voices: 00:35 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon: 00:47 This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Alisa. She spoke with me from Lincoln, Nebraska. Alisa described her life as the child of refugees from the brutality and destruction of World War II. They raised Alisa in the ways of their heritage and while she identifies with their community and her upbringing, she admits she struggled with being an imposter in reunion her birthparents had an odd request for her that I’ve never heard before and that she wasn’t comfortable fulfilling. Over time, she began to feel like a disappointment to them. Thankfully in the middle of it all, Alisa was able to express her love and gratitude to her adopted father before losing him. Suddenly, this is Alisa’s journey. Alisa was adopted by Latvian parents lot via is a small country on the Baltic Sea, opposite of the famously neutral country of Sweden and west of the notorious Russia in the 1940s Latvia by force under Soviet control and hundreds of thousands of people fled to other countries. Alisa’s parents among them.

Alisa: 02:08 They flooded in different ways. And then she wound up in the camps in Germany, um, shortly after that until it was freed and they came over in 1950 on the other hand, was quite wealthy after he watched his dad’s twin brother get shot down by Russians right in front of him. They buried all their silver, like most Latvians did, hoping that they would turn back some day and ran and they sold watches off to their bodies, did whatever they could work, odd jobs throughout different places in Europe and until they wound up in the camps for the last year before it was freed.

Damon: 02:50 Oh my gosh. What a hard way to start life.

Alisa: 02:54 Yeah, so I don’t fault them for everything they could have done better but

Damon: 03:00 yeah, yeah.

Alisa: 03:01 They didn’t have an easy start either. So that being said, being adopted by them and being raised in a Latvian community with a fairly large Latvian community I always kind of felt like an outsider and like a fraud because my first language was Latvian.

Damon: 03:17 You felt like a fraud community or in the United States speaking Latvian.

Alisa: 03:23 That’s an interesting question because it kind of has multiple levels as far as that goes because it’s strange anyway. Being a refugee, you never quite fit in. I mean, that’s what’s been so interesting with my, my adoptive parents as I understand that some of what they feel and what they felt in their lives being my dad when he died, he was the last living relative and his family, they were all pretty much killed during World War II. His parents made it over here with them, but they died before I was born. So, you know, the, my dad and I definitely had a close relationship because he understood some of what I was going through and I understood sort of, you know, what he was going through that, um, as far as being a fraud in the community. Yeah. When you’re hanging out with growing up with all these kids that are all fluent in Latvian and doing all the Latvian summer camps and their families are all just. They’re all happy families. And I not only work, not Latvian, even though I was raised Latvian, I also hadn’t talked to her brother who was a handful and he was also adopted and had alcohol, fetal alcohol syndrome, and he was very violent and caused a lot of problems. So we kind of stuck out like a sore from for, you know, for a number of reasons.

Damon: