104 – You’re Obviously One Of Us

Karen is from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community.

Locating her birth mother she found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That’s partially because her paternal reunion, while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways, was sadly too brief. This is Karen’s journey.

The post 104 – You’re Obviously One Of Us appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Karen (00:04):

I was so sad at the time. I wish that that had been possible just because of everything I had been through as a kid and never feeling like I belonged and realizing that there had been a possibility that I could have been raised by him that he wanted to, but wasn't given an option.

Damon (00:32):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:44):

Who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Karen. I spoke with her from Stratford, Ontario, Canada. She shares her story of growing up a woman of color who stood out in her family and community locating her birth mother. She found little connection and a bit of tension, but ultimately she wants to keep the relationship going. That's partially because her paternal reunion while fulfilling in the most heartwarming ways was sadly too brief. This is Karen's journey. Karen opened by saying how helpful the show has been for understanding how other adoptees feel, because it's not often that the subject of our own adoptions comes up. So sometimes the people who are closest to us don't even know we're adoptees. The night before our interview, she was sitting around a campfire on the beach where she told someone she's known for 10 years, that she was going to be interviewed the next day about her adoption, her friend, remarked, that she didn't even know that fact about Karen. I hope you'll forgive the raspiness of Karen's voice. Apparently it was a great time around the campfire that night. Karen shared that she was born in Toronto, Canada and adopted as an infant after spending time with two different foster families in the Toronto newspaper. In the 1960s and seventies, there was a column called today's child, which listed children for adoption, who were considered less desirable for adoption to use Karen's words. These children were older, were not white, or maybe had some sort of disability.

Karen (02:30):

I was one of those children. And, um, I have a copy of that, that article. So there's picture of me when I'm nine months old and then they write a description about me. And it's funny, I just went over it again this morning. And the description that they wrote about me then is still the same for me now,

Damon (02:51):

Really it was an accurate depiction of who your personality is, and isn't that fascinating to read that it really is.

Karen (03:00):

It really is. And I mean, I've read this, but I'll call her a million times. But each time I think I'm seeing it from different eyes, depending where I am in my own life experience.

Damon (03:15):

She was adopted by parents who had three children of their own, but her adopted mother was told not to have any more children. Her youngest naturally born child had medical issues that required a complete blood transfusion, but the family wanted more kids. Karen was adopted into a white family whom Karen said, didn't really know any other black people. And there really weren't any people of color in her community. She was the only one

Karen (03:42):

Growing up in my family was it was a good experience, except for always feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere. I was a pretty strong kid, as far as just making things work. I ended up probably becoming the class clown because of that. And I ended up excelling in sports, I think because of that, because I needed a place to fit. Right. So when I think back on it, I think that's how I found my place was just by excelling or being funny.

Damon (04:17):

It's interesting. It almost sounds to me like you were already out there, there was a spotlight on you regardless. So it sounds like you just embraced it and said, I'm going all in. You're already looking at me

Karen (04:33):

Exactly. Right? Yeah. I'm glad that that's, that was my personality to be able to do that because otherwise it would have been really difficult. But even from, from being a little kid, some of my first memories are feeling like people are staring at me because I'm walking in with this white family and me and, and I, I stood out because there weren't any other black kids around, you know? So, um, when I was really little, um, maybe three years old, I think anyways, uh, my mom said we were walking past a window full of mannequins and it was mannequins of different nationalities maybe. And, uh, um, I looked at my mom and I said, she was like my Brown. So I was always aware of being different. People often say that kids don't know that there, that there's any difference between children. You know, children are just children and people don't kids don't see any difference. But I knew I was different

Damon (05:46):

Thinking about growing up in a homogenous environment where she was the kid that stood out. I wondered what it was like for Karen. When she and her friends started dating, she recalled one dance where the girls are supposed to ask the boys to be their dates. A Sadie Hawkins dance was what came to mind for me. But I had to admit to myself, I had no idea what that really meant. Wikipedia says the Sadie Hawkins dance was created from a comic strip called Lil Abner that ran for 43 years from 1934 to 1977. It was about some fictional hillbillies who lived in some Podunk town called Dogpatch USA in the comic strip. An influential man in town is concerned that his not so attractive daughter, Sadie Hawkins will never get a date, get married and move out. So he flips the script and declares Sadie Hawkins day, where the women are to chase after the town's bachelors with the intent to get married. Now, imagine for a moment that you're a young woman of color in a town full of high school students who don't look like you and it's time for the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Karen (06:58):

I can remember one of the dances in high school where the girls asked the boys and there was one other black family in town, but by high school, there was one other black family at my high school. And I just assumed that I was supposed to ask that boy, I didn't even know him, but he was the boy I asked for this dance because I thought that's the way it was supposed to be. I didn't really think I had any other options. And that would be super uncomfortable experience because we didn't need to know each other. So, you know, me telling me yep. Yep. He accepted gladly and you know, I've never really had a conversation with him about that since I should. He was probably glad to be asked to

Damon (