299 SelfWork: Can I Tell You A Secret? And Can You Keep It?

I’ve had many people tell me over the years that they feel free to tell me things because they know I cannot tell anyone else. That’s true of course- unless I believe that there's imminent danger of some kind to them or someone else. But I don’t think of my role as that of secret-keeper. Instead I think of a therapist as offering safety rather than secrecy. Part of the safety is the secrecy – but of course, in abusive or manipulative relationships, secrecy is often used with malintent. So today, we’re going to talk about secrets.

Here are the questions we'll answer!

• What are the most common secrets?
• Why can some people not keep a secret or why are they a tattletale or a gossip?
• What’s the difference between secrecy and privacy? Or secrecy and confidentiality?
• Is it true that when something is kept secret from you, it has no impact on you?
• What’s the difference between Secrecy and manipulation? And secrecy and abuse?

The SpeakPipe voicemail for today is from a woman who revealed childhood sexual abuse to her sister; her abuser was a brother, 8 years older than she. Sadly, the sister has withdrawn from her – and now she’s asking me what she should do. What would you say?

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Episode 217 on sibling sexual abuse

Interview with Michael Slepian about his new book on secrets

Psychology Today article by Michael Slepian

Why some people can't keep a secret...

How you can tell someone is lying.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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