Yikes, My Friend's a Yeller! : Parenting Styles

There are many ways to parent a child. What do you do if your style is at odds with others? In this episode we speak with Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Perinatal Mental Health Counselor (PMH-C) Kate Kripke. Kripke has worked supporting mothers and families for more than 20 years in various organizations and settings, most recently as the founding director of the Postpartum Wellness Center in Boulder, Colorado. Kate Kripke is author of Reinventing Supermom:Support and Strategies for New Mothers Who Feel Lost and is the host of Motherhood Uncut, a weekly unscripted podcast where she candidly explores all facets of motherhood.

In this episode, we have a conversation about different parenting styles, acknowledging that there is overlap between styles and that parental stress can lead you away from the style you may prefer to fall into. Kripke also offers some advice for what to do when your family dynamics vary greatly from others in your life.

Takeaways:

• There are four basic parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, neglectful and authoritative.
• Authoritative is widely considered the most healthy parenting style, featuring a combination of warmth, boundaries and flexibility while still making it clear that the parents are in charge. Children of authoritative parents know what is expected of them. Their parents explain reasons for the rules and consequences for breaking them. Parents also listen to their child's opinions, but the parent remains the ultimate decision maker.
• If parents are not taking care of themselves, they will be easily triggered in hard parenting moments. Periods (or even days) where you find yourself stressed and depleted can lead to a more authoritarian or neglectful parenting style. Self care is essential to ensure you are showing up as the best parent you can be for your children.
• Authoritarian parenting can come from a place of fear or perceived threat. It is oftentimes not a conscious choice of style.
• Speak openly with your children about experiences where a different parenting approach may have led to your child feeling uncomfortable or uncertain. Open communication can help them work through those feelings and experiences.
• It's a good idea to have a conversation with the other parent in your life if you feel truly uncomfortable with the choice they have made. For example, "Hey, I just have noticed that we parent our kids differently, and I want to make sure you know that these are the choices I'm going to be making with my kiddo, and it may be different than yours. Do you have any questions?"
• The more comfortable and accepting we are of the decisions that we're making for our children and our families, the less likely we are to judge other parents for their choices or practices.
• The kids that do the best in life are children who are raised by parents and families where there's A focus on values rather than rules. So saying, "Our family really values kindness. So when we're talking to people, we say please and thank you, and we look them in the eye."