S1E2 What Forgiveness Is Part 1

Today’s episode What Forgiveness Is, Part 1 is the first in a four-part series called Understanding Forgiveness. In today’s episode, I discuss four distinct characteristics of forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness is an act of the will. We decide if, when, and how we will forgive. Jesus never forces us to forgive. He equips us with the ability to forgive through the free gift of grace to fill our hearts with forgiveness. The more we forgive, the more we will be forgiven. When we struggle with forgiveness, our prayer can simply be, Lord, I want to forgive, please help my unforgiveness.
2. Forgiveness is an ongoing or iterative process. We have to do it over and over in some instances, even for weeks, months, or years, depending on the situation. When we can tell the story of the pain without reliving it, we will know that we have finally forgiven the offender.
3. Forgiveness is adaptive. With each act of forgiveness, we become someone new. We adapt ourselves to a new reality in which our ties to the offender are no longer keeping us emotionally bound. We now have space to pay attention to those parts that were overshadowed by the pain of unforgiveness.
4. Forgiveness may also involve a grieving process for the loss of who we were meant to be or the life that we were meant to have. The harm that was done to us could have physical, mental, and emotional consequences that last a lifetime.

As you've listened to me talk about forgiveness today, I hope that you can see that forgiveness is multifaceted. There is no one way to do it. Although it is an act of the will, there is a process that leads up to that decision to forgive. When we are wounded, those parts of us that are wounded tend to be disintegrated from our whole selves. And once we can work through that disintegration and heal those wounds, we can get to a place where we can decide to extend forgiveness to the person or people who have harmed us.

In the next two episodes, I will continue to discuss what forgiveness is and following that, I will be talking about what forgiveness is not.

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Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.