Couples Communication That Actually Works: The Two-Conversation Framework, Real Listening, and Repair Over Perfection with Raffi Bilek

Miscommunication isn’t fate—it’s fixable. In this episode of Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, marriage counselor Raffi Bilek, author of The Couples Communication Handbook, breaks down why most fights spiral (fight-or-flight, solving too soon) and how to replace them with a clear, repeatable process. We cover the two-conversation framework (explore first, solve second), listening that lands (reflect, don’t rebut), using humor without harm, and building a reliable repair system so conflict doesn’t erode the relationship. Direct, practical, and immediately usable for couples, therapists, and anyone who wants fewer blowups and more connection.

About the guest :

Raffi Bilek is a marriage counselor and author of The Couples Communication Handbook: The Skills You Never Learned for the Marriage You Always Wanted. He helps couples move from reactivity to repair with simple, teachable skills grounded in real-life practice.

Key takeaways :

• Don’t fix in the fire: pause when activated; come back when you’re regulated.

• Run two conversations: first explore the problem (what’s under it—respect, autonomy, feeling unseen); then solve it.

• Listening ≠ agreement: reflect back what you heard; postpone rebuttal and solutions.

• Make safety explicit: agree on no judgment / no interruptions / no instant fixes while exploring.

• Humor connects only when it’s not at your partner’s expense; don’t use jokes to deflect hard truths.

• Expect work: great relationships aren’t conflict-free; they have a reliable repair system.

• Name emotions directly; increase self-awareness (introspection, therapy, journaling) so your partner can understand you.

• If one partner won’t invest, depth stalls—decide to accept the status quo, re-contract the relationship, or seek change together.

• Household fights are usually symbols; get curious about the meaning, not just the dishes.

• Small weekly practice: one explore-only talk (15–20 min); solutions scheduled later.

Connect with the guest

Website (book + contact): https://www.thecommunicationbook.com/Download first two chapters free; contact Raffi for questions or consults.

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Disclaimer: This video is for educational and informational purposes only. The views expressed are the personal opinions of the guest and do not reflect the views of the host or Healthy Mind By Avik™️. We do not intend to harm, defame, or discredit any person, organization, brand, product, country, or profession mentioned. All third-party media used remain the property of their respective owners and are used under fair use for informational purposes. By watching, you acknowledge and accept this disclaimer.

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