A Meditator in the Arena | Sam Harris

I don’t know about you, but there have been many times during this wrenching year where I have made my pain even worse by adding on layers and layers of self-criticism. There’s a notion that is deeply ingrained in our culture that the only way to succeed -- or even to survive -- is to liberally apply an internal cattle prod. But there is research that strongly suggests that this approach simply leads to extra anxiety, and that there is a more successful approach, called self-compassion. My guest today has been at the very forefront of this research. Kristin Neff has empirically demonstrated the value of self-compassion; she has shown that it doesn’t have to lead to passivity, self-absorption, or cheesiness; and, as you will hear, she has practiced what she preaches in extremely difficult circumstances in her own life. All of this makes her, in my opinion, a figure of incalculable importance. We recorded this interview back in 2019, and it contributed to a major turning point in my meditation practice and in my life. We are reposting it now because as we head into the new year, a time when many of us embark on self-improvement projects based in self-loathing, we could all use a little kryptonite for the inner critic.  Where to find Kristin Neff online:  Website: https://self-compassion.org Twitter: https://twitter.com/self_compassion  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion  At this point in the holiday season, mail delivery and shipping timelines are not on your side. For a quick and meaningful gift, send a gift subscription to the Ten Percent Happier app to your friends and family! We're offering gift subscriptions at a discount through the end of this month. No shipping required - your gift will be delivered directly to your email inbox. Get a gift subscription by visiting www.tenpercent.com/gift. That’s tenpercent (one word, all spelled out) dot com slash gift. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kristin-neff

16 Des 20201h 22min

The notion of transmuting the difficult stuff in your life into something positive has become a cliche. Turning lemon into lemonades, making your mess your message, etcetera. But, as I have said many times on this show, there is a reason cliches become cliches: they’re true. And it is extraordinarily helpful, in my experience, when someone can re-language and revivify an ancient truth that has been ground into platitude through rote repetition. My guest today does just that. Fleet Maull spent many years in prison on serious drug-related charges. He used that time to fuel a deep meditation practice and public service career. He’s practiced for nearly five decades in the Zen, Tibetan, and Vipassana Insight traditions. He’s also written a book called Radical Responsibility. In this episode, we talk about how to, in his words, turn the gnarly stuff in your life into a gift (or, as an old Buddhist expression has it, how to use your struggles as “manure for enlightenment”). On that note, midway through the interview, you’ll hear Fleet reveal, in real time, and to my surprise, that he is actually in the throes of acute anguish at this very moment-- and he will talk about how this experience is fueling his practice. We also talk about: what he learned in prison about whether human nature is fundamentally good; the value of adding breathing exercises onto your meditation practice; what he means by “neurosomatic mindfulness.” Where to find Fleet Maull online:  Website: www.fleetmaull.com Social Media: • Twitter: https://twitter.com/fleetmaull • Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fleetmaull/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fleetmaull/ • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL_AqFCn3m6lvQTJPIx_uLg Books Mentioned: • Radical Responsibility: How to Move Beyond Blame, Fearlessly Live Your Highest Purpose, and Become an Unstoppable Force for Good by Fleet Maull: www.radicalresponsibilitybook.com • Mindfulness and Psychotherapy edited by Christopher K. Germer, Ronald D. Siegel, Paul R. Fulton: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781593851392 People are sending more virtual gifts this holiday season to avoid putting themselves (and essential delivery workers) at risk. If you're one of them, consider helping your loved ones care for their minds by giving them a subscription to the Ten Percent Happier app. We're offering gift subscriptions at a discount through the end of this month. No shipping required - your gift will be delivered directly to your email inbox. Get a gift subscription by visiting www.tenpercent.com/gift. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/fleet-maull-308

14 Des 20201h 8min

How much would your relationships improve if you could up your emotional intelligence game? That phrase -- emotional intelligence -- entered the lexicon 25 years ago, when my friend Daniel Goleman wrote a book by the same name. And so on this episode, to mark the 25th anniversary edition of Emotional Intelligence, we’re having Danny on the show. By way of background, he is a Harvard-trained psychologist who, along with other contemplative luminaries such as Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and others, went to Asia and discovered meditation in the 1960s, and then made it a huge part of their lives and careers. In this conversation, we talk about: the four components of emotional intelligence, how to develop them, and why these skills matter so much during the middle of a pandemic. We also discuss: empathy and relationship management in the age of zoom; the “marshmallow test” and impulse control; a phenomenon he calls “amygdala hijacks”; and why so many Jewish kids in the sixties and seventies got turned on to Buddhism.   Where to find Daniel Goleman online:  Website: http://www.danielgoleman.info Twitter: https://twitter.com/DanielGolemanEI Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/danielgoleman Books Mentioned: Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body by Richie Davidson https://www.richardjdavidson.com/altered-traits Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl https://bookshop.org/books/man-s-search-for-meaning-9780807014271/9780807014271 A Force for Good: The Dalai Lama's Vision for Our World by Daniel Goleman https://bookshop.org/books/a-force-for-good-the-dalai-lama-s-vision-for-our-world/9780553394894 How much could your relationships improve if your loved ones practiced mindfulness together? For a limited time, if you buy yourself a subscription to Ten Percent Happier, we'll send you a free gift subscription to share with whomever you'd like. Note that nothing is permanent, and this offer is no exception: get it before it ends by going to www.tenpercent.com/december.  Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/daniel-goleman-307

9 Des 202058min

2020 has already sucked extremely hard, but we may now be entering even more difficult months ahead, as winter sets in. So we asked Professor Laurie Santos to come on. She is overflowing with science-based strategies for navigating this difficult time. This is the second episode in our 2-part series that we’re semi-facetiously calling Winter is Coming. If you missed last week’s episode with Zindel Segal, a pioneer in mindful treatment for depression and anxiety, go check it out. Laurie is a tenured professor at Yale, where she teaches a blockbuster course on happiness. She’s also now the host of a podcast called the Happiness Lab. In the conversation, we talk about how to handle the holidays in a pandemic; how to have hard conversations with your family; combating pandemic fatigue in your own mind; the need to double down on self-care; why the things we think will make us happy probably won’t; and the cultivation of JOMO and “time affluence.” Take Part in the New Year’s Series To submit a question or share a reflection dial 646-883-8326 and leave us a voicemail. If you’re outside the United States, you can email us a voice memo file in mp3 format to listener@tenpercent.com. The deadline for submissions is Monday December 7th. Where to find Laurie Santos online: Website: https://psychology.yale.edu/people/laurie-santos Twitter: https://twitter.com/lauriesantos Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/laurie-santos-305

2 Des 20201h 4min

The women around the Buddha dropped a ton of useful wisdom, but I suspect you haven’t heard much about that. Why? Why have these women been largely written out of history? And what do these hidden figures have to teach us? We’re diving in on that today with Pamela Weiss, dharma teacher in the Zen and Theravada traditions and author of A Bigger Sky. Last week, we had on Bhikkhu Bodhi, who talked about the words of the Buddha. You might think of this episode as a follow-up to that one—part compelling history, part injection of approachable wisdom. In this conversation, we talk about Pamela’s research into the Buddha’s wife, mom, and aunt; how and why Buddhism became tilted toward the masculine; and the benefits both Pamela and I have experienced from bringing more feminine energy to our practice and life. Where to find Pamela Weiss online:  Website: https://pamelaweiss.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PamelaWeissAuthor/ Books Mentioned: A Bigger Sky: Awakening a Fierce Feminine Buddhism by Pamela Weiss https://pamelaweiss.com/publications2 Therigatha: Selected Poems of the First Buddhist Women translated by Charles Hallisey https://bookshop.org/books/therigatha-selected-poems-of-the-first-buddhist-women/9780674427730 The First Free Women: Poems of the Early Buddhist Nuns by Matty Weingast https://bookshop.org/books/the-first-free-women-poems-of-the-early-buddhist-nuns/9781611807769 2020 has been a doozy, so this year we’re offering Ten Percent Happier subscriptions at a 40% discount. Get this deal before it ends on December 1st by going to www.tenpercent.com/november.  Take Part in the New Year’s Series To submit a question or share a reflection dial 646-883-8326 and leave us a voicemail. If you’re outside the United States, you can email us a voice memo file in mp3 format to listener@tenpercent.com. The deadline for submissions is Monday December 7th.  Full Show Notes & Resources: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/pamela-weiss-304

30 Nov 20201h 5min

Winter is coming. Not to get all Game of Thrones on you, but... while there are some optimistic signs on the horizon in the form of vaccines, it looks like we could be heading into some dark months of rising caseloads and restrictions on our lifestyle. Consequently, we are launching a 2-part series to help you ride this out. Next week, we will talk to happiness researcher Laurie Santos (host of the Happiness Lab podcast). Today, my guest today is Zindel Segal, a clinical psychologist from the University of Toronto and a pioneer in developing and studying ways to use mindfulness for depression and anxiety. While not all of us will experience clinical depression or anxiety in the coming months, we may well experience significant doses of sadness and worry. In this conversation, we talk about: what the science shows about the benefits of meditation for depression and anxiety; the importance of establishing and maintaining routines as a form of antidepressant; the differences between depression and anxiety; and how to treat depression like an old friend. Where to find Zindel Segal online: Website: https://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/psych/person/zindel-segal Twitter: https://twitter.com/zindelsegal Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Zindel-Segal-955303284518859/ Book Mentioned: Lost Connections by Johann Hari: https://thelostconnections.com 2020 has been a doozy, so this year we’re offering Ten Percent Happier subscriptions at a 40% discount. Get this deal before it ends on December 1st by going to www.tenpercent.com/november. Take Part in the New Year’s Series To submit a question or share a reflection dial 646-883-8326 and leave us a voicemail. If you’re outside the United States, you can email us a voice memo file in mp3 format to listener@tenpercent.com. The deadline for submissions is Monday December 7th. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/zindel-segal-303

25 Nov 202059min

When I first got interested in meditation, all the talk of the Buddha that I encountered in the various books I was reading and lectures I was attending seemed like more of a bug than a feature. I was looking for science-backed stress relief, not religion. But the more I learned, the more interested I became in the Buddha. He was, after all, not a god or a prophet. He was, based on the available evidence, a mortal man who made no claims about the creation of the universe. In fact, to the extent that he did make metaphysical claims, he explicitly told people: don’t believe anything because I tell you. Meanwhile, he laid out a set of meditation instructions and an approach to the human situation that, in my experience, are extraordinarily practical and valuable. And yet, many of today’s meditators don’t know much about who the Buddha was or what he actually taught. Hence today’s guest, the Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi. He was born Jeffrey Block in Brooklyn, became a Buddhist monk as a young man, and then went on to become one of the premier translators of Buddhist scripture. In this conversation, we talk about: why it can be so helpful for meditators to know what the Buddha taught; how these teachings survived for centuries before they were ever written down; how he makes sense of the teachings on karma and rebirth; the Buddha’s daily schedule; what kind of person the Buddha was; and what the Buddha taught about staying engaged in politics. Before we started rolling, I asked Bhikkhu Bodhi how I should address him, and he said many people call him “Bhante,” which is a term that is used in Buddhist circles to address monks, and translates into something like “venerable sir.” Where to find Bhikkhu Bodhi online: Website: https://bodhimonastery.org/ven-bhikkhu-bodhi.html Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bhikkhu.bodhi.1 Books Mentioned: •   The Noble Eightfold Path: The Way to the End of Suffering by Bhikkhu Bodhi http://www.noblepath.org/audio.html?fbclid=IwAR3dAFyckLujaBuYe1y8v0arh9UTq6XLsS_bQHq-layEdGVoA_cfoqVfODg •   Return to Life: Extraordinary Cases of Children Who Remember Past Lives by Dr. Jim B. Tucker: http://www.jimbtucker.com/return-to-life.html •   What the Buddha Taught by Walpola Rahula Thero http://www.ahandfulofleaves.org/documents/What%20the%20Buddha%20Taught_Rahula.pdf •   The Foundations of Buddhism by Rupert Gethin https://bookshop.org/books/the-foundations-of-buddhism/9780192892232 Other Resources Mentioned: •   Dr. Ian Stevenson’s research on Perceptual Studies (apparitions, past lifetimes, and near death experiences) - https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/who-we-are/dr-ian-stevenson/                                                              •   Buddhist Global Relief - https://www.buddhistglobalrelief.org/ Additional Resources: •   Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live •   Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide •   Free App access for Frontline Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Full Show Notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/Bhikkhu-Bodhi-302

23 Nov 20201h 11min