How to Change Your Habits | Katy Milkman

Stress – which many of us despise and try to avoid – does not actually have to be a bad thing. Rather, it's our relationship to stress, our mindset about stress, that determines whether we are helped or harmed by it. Today's guest has the science to back this up and the practical tools to help you transfer her insights from the lab to your life. Modupe Akinola is an Associate Professor of Management at the Columbia Business School and host of the TED Business podcast. She is also one of the featured experts in our Stress Better course in the Ten Percent Happier app. In this conversation, Modupe talks about what she's learned during these extraordinarily stressful last couple of years, what she calls the "stress mindset" (and how to cultivate it), and the vast resources available to us for handling stress (and how to tap them). We also dive into another of Modupe's areas of expertise: how to have productive conversations around the often stressful–but critical–issues of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Get ready for the upcoming Ted Lasso Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/modupe-akinola-373

25 Aug 20211h

Friendship might not necessarily be something you've considered to be an urgent psychological and physiological issue. On this show, we spend a lot of time exploring how the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives and our health. Sadly, in many ways, it's harder than ever to make and keep friends. With loneliness and disconnection on the rise, it's clear that our society just wasn't constructed for social connection. And recent data suggests we're in a friendship crisis, with many of us reporting that we have fewer close friendships than ever. Our guest today is Robin Dunbar, an Emeritus Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at Oxford University and the author of numerous books on the development of Homo sapiens. Dunbar is perhaps best known for formulating "Dunbar's number," which is a measurement of the number of relationships our brain is capable of maintaining at any one time. He is a world-renowned expert on human relationships, and has a ton of fascinating research findings and practical tips for upping your friendship game. In this conversation, we dive into the science behind human relationships, the upsides and downsides of maintaining friendships on social media, the viability of friendships across gender lines, and what science says you can do to compensate if you feel you are currently lacking in close friendships. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/robin-dunbar-372

23 Aug 20211h 3min

This great deep-Dharma episode is all about using an ancient, fascinating, and readily-accessible Buddhist concept as a way to improve your interactions with other human beings. The concept in question is called vedana, or "feeling tone." Our guest, Martine Batchelor, will explain. She was a Buddhist nun in Korea for ten years and is now a lecturer, spiritual counselor, and author of such books as "The Path of Compassion" and "Women in Korean Zen." Two brief notes: First, this episode is a re-run, which we're doing a few times this summer in order to give the staff a breather, and also to resurface some of our older gems for our newer listeners. Second, this conversation includes some brief references to sensitive topics, including sexual activity and substance abuse. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/martine-batchelor-repost

18 Aug 20211h 8min

A lot of us right now would probably agree that the technologies meant to make our jobs easier are actually stressing us out. (Think: the email and Slack messages that never stop and with which you can never catch up.) The worst part is the dopamine hit that you can get hooked on that comes with getting new information, causing you to check your messages way too often. And all of this has been exacerbated by working remotely. In this episode, our guest Cal Newport says that these technologies have created what he calls "the hyperactive hive mind," and he has a ton of thoughts about how to stop it. He's a computer science professor at Georgetown University and a New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including A World Without Email, Digital Minimalism, and Deep Work. He's also the host of the popular Deep Questions podcast. In this conversation, we talk about how to minimize the impact of the hyperactive hive mind, how the way we work is fundamentally broken, how we ended up in our current work situation where we're checking email and Slack all the time, and what this does to our brain. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/cal-newport-371

16 Aug 20211h 1min

In this episode we're tackling some thorny dharma questions. For example: How do you love someone without attachment? How do you love yourself when the self is allegedly an illusion? Our guest today is a repeat customer, Kevin Griffin. He joined us a few months ago in an episode about the nature of craving and addiction. This time, Kevin's back with a semi-skeptical take on loving-kindness -- that venerable, if somewhat misunderstood, Buddhist practice. Our conversation is centered around a book he wrote, called Living Kindness: Buddhist Teachings for a Troubled World. We talk about lovingkindness vs. "living kindness," the dangers of modern metta practice, and the idea that you don't have to feel love all the time (but can still seek to handle situations with non-ill-will). Please note: This conversation includes brief references to addiction and other forms of suffering. If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kevin-griffin-370

11 Aug 202156min

It is incredibly common for many of us humans, whatever our gender, to be at war with our bodies -- trying to live up to the people we see in the movies, on social media, or even the versions of ourselves in old pictures. This never-enough-ness can lead to an ambient level of self-loathing that can be incredibly destructive. That's where "radical self-love" comes in. Our guest today is Sonya Renee Taylor. She is the author of three books, including The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. She is the Founder and Radical Executive Officer of The Body is Not An Apology. She has come to this work as a result of her own personal pain, as a Black woman inhabiting a body that she says does not conform to societal norms. In this conversation, we talk about defining radical self-love (and why she believes it's our natural state), tools for cultivating radical self-love, and the connection between being OK with yourself and the larger society. (Also, just a heads up: There is one brief reference to sex.) If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, you can download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sonya-renee-taylor-369

9 Aug 20211h

Modern life has turned many of us into zombies. We walk around with our noses in our phones, constantly on the hunt. We're not looking to eat people's brains, per se, but we are looking for mindless hits of dopamine -- from the latest headline, email, text, or "like" on our Instagram post. This has profound consequences, for us as individuals and for the society as a whole. Our guest in this episode argues that we need to wake up to this, and learn how to create human connection. Koshin Paley Ellison is an author, Zen priest, and Jungian psychotherapist. He co-founded the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care and is the author of Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up. Ellison dives into his attempts to rescue the cliche of intimacy, how to build meaningful relationships, and what it means to "Find Your Five." He also discusses how experimenting with what he calls "healthy embarrassment" (or allowing yourself to feel exposed) makes for better relationships. In fact, he'll model some of that for us, quite bravely. Just a note: This is a re-run from a few years back. We're re-running a few episodes this summer to give our staff a break, and also to get some of our favorite older episodes into the ears of our many new listeners. Also: This conversation includes references to sensitive topics, including lived experiences of hatred and abuse. That said, it happens in the context of discussions about vulnerability and healing. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/koshin-paley-ellison-repost

4 Aug 20211h 21min

Today's episode is about finding joy, pleasure, interest, and even gratitude in a surprising source: everyday objects and infrastructure. Our guest Roman Mars is the host and creator of 99% Invisible, a radio show and podcast about design and architecture. It is one of the most popular podcasts in the world. Roman is also a bestselling author; he recently co-authored The 99% Invisible City: A Field Guide to the Hidden World of Everyday Design. Roman talks to us about how he got interested in design, how the name "99% Invisible" came to be, his new book about the under-observed aspects of the built world, the importance of reading plaques and utility markers, design as coercion, and a shared love of 90s punk rock. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Show notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/roman-mars-368

2 Aug 202149min