Phil Hanley Was A Male Model?! | Your Mom's House Ep.685

The thing about having your balls shrink is ultimately, it's the best thing that can happen. It makes your salami look so much bigger and who doesn't want that. Ze Zim Xir yim. Those are all preferred pronouns of severely mentally ill people, some of whom you may know. Make sure whenever you meet someone you open with, "Hey, what's your pronoun?" Plus, did Tom lose a bet and get his thumbs burned by cigs? Is the poop pile real? We work on getting you ANSWERS. AND #bertisfat is finally something you can own - get the new shirt and show the world you are on "TEAM TOM."   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Jul 20161h 52min

You kind of have to agree, if you're gonna poop you might as well share it. Thankfully, a nice man in New York City thinks the same way. Wanna hear a cool fart? You should say that and then fart. Just an idea from Tom that he thinks is really going to take off. Plus, have you ever taken a walk with your family? Just a regular walk? Well this life-changing in the mind of Christina and her communist upbringing. #BertIsFat goes to a whole new level and Tom and Christina aren't the ones who did it! Plus, buying crack, dental updates and a whole lot more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6 Jul 20161h 28min

If Water drinking had a Super Bowl, this episode would be it. Pick your sides and deal with the results cause after this one, there will only be ONE. The Water Gawd.  If thrive to be the best is that like striving to be the best? What if you have 4 teeth? Can you still be the best? Now add 400 or so pounds. Yup, the best.  We love coaches and mentors as much as anyone else, but when said mentor speaks directly and curses non stop, well then we fall in love.  Daniel Pena is straight forward and doesn't worry about feelings. Gnaw mean?  Plus, let's get to the bottom of Bart being fat. This episode has BOTH sides of the story.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

29 Jun 20161h 42min

H2O and H2NO if you ask Tommy, the self-proclaimed "water champ." But Tina, she has other ideas up her sleeve, including a very sneaky plan that she reveals in this episode.  PLUS, pig-calling, mastering accents, more fat Bert fun and then some, Ya feel us?  To bring it home we have yet another Hall of Fame call from Top Dog and this time he weighs in on Double Pipe Classics.  You can never have too much denim.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Jun 20161h 27min

If there's one thing about black women that are about to throw down in public, it's LET THEM SPEAK. Something really great and probably funny that you never could have thought of is gonna fly.  We have a new message to the Fuhrer from Dani and this one involves food and emergency services at Sea! How fat is Bert? Very. How aware is Bert that he is fat? We happen to think not enough. Look deep inside yourself and try to find a fun, effective way to let Bert know that he is fat and find out WHY he's that fat.  We have Persian translations, IRISH AKA English translations, Would You Rather's and a WHOLE lot more!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Jun 20161h 42min

If you puke on TV but then keep doing your TV job, you are what we call a PROFESSIONAL. Shout out to SWEDEN! Do you like rats? Do you have kids? Are you super lonely? Here's a tip: ditch the rats, keep the kids and someone worthwhile will come in to your life. It's just that rat "thing" that's keeping people away.  Our Super Jew producer brought us a video about how to spot a Jew. But, like we said, he's a Jew. We don't know what he's up to but it feels really Jewey.  The Master Of Accents is BACK! Will he finally be defeated by an inimitable cadence?  Plus FAN MAIL, PATREON, and TINA JEANS is hitting the road again. Get those JEANS ON!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Jun 20161h 48min

PATREON, I told you to put that down! Also, sign up for Patreon, ya'll! You'll get extra bonus content, inside denim access, personal shout outs and more!   WOW! say it again! WOW! Open your mouth so the whole dog can fit in the bathtub! Today we discover which gender we are (it's really changing at every moment). Plus Bert Is Fat and Why Is Bert So Fat really took off! We have all the fat comments.  Dental Updates, dating inflatable animals, Joey Diaz being a SAVAGE and more! NO LOOSE DENIM ALLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

1 Jun 20161h 44min

Morning news is the best. It opens the doors to grown up jokes about "Salad Tossing" (with real salads!) PLUS DJ Dad Mouth gets to muck around and have some fun! If you're gonna talk that ISH before you arm-wrestle, make sure you, you know, WIN.  Unbelievably, the girl who was defending Hitler on YouTube was kicked off for HATE speech. Weird that YouTube doesn't know that Hitler watches YouTube all day.  This episode is completely non-binary so please use proper pronouns. It's not a preference, it's a REQUIREMENT.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Mai 20161h 38min