Session 12: The Very Good Reasons Why The Avoidant Partner Avoids

Session 12: The Very Good Reasons Why The Avoidant Partner Avoids

Last week, we sat with Brian's heavy narrative that Bethany is "out to get him." This week, we turn the lens around to understand the experience of the avoidant partner. We explore a conflict about picking up their sick daughter from daycare, where Bethany's genuine attempt to help is misread as control, leaving her feeling like the "bad guy" yet again.

We finally unveil the "why" behind Bethany's lack of emotion. We learn that her "stone face" isn't indifference; it is a desperate shield against the pain of feeling like a failure. The breakthrough happens when she admits, "I'm not trying to avoid you... I'm just trying to shut out the pain," causing Brian to soften and feel hope for the first time in weeks.

This week's prompt: Think about your own version of the "stone face." When you shut down, go numb, or get super logical—what specific feeling are you trying to avoid? Are you protecting yourself from feeling like a failure or from feeling rejected?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

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S3 | Session 18: Slowing Down the TEMPO to Co-Regulation (Season Finale)

S3 | Session 18: Slowing Down the TEMPO to Co-Regulation (Season Finale)

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S3 | Session 17: Fear of the Goodness: Navigating Peace After Relationship Chaos

S3 | Session 17: Fear of the Goodness: Navigating Peace After Relationship Chaos

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S3 | Session 16: Too Sensitive? Healing the Belief That You Are Defective

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S3 | Session 15: Two People Overboard: The Co-Regulation Conundrum

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S3 | Session 14: The Burden of the Poker Face: How Hiding Stress Hurts Your Marriage

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26 Maj 1h 25min

S3 | Session 13: Always Second Place: Fighting to Be Your Partner's Priority

S3 | Session 13: Always Second Place: Fighting to Be Your Partner's Priority

Today, we see what happens when Mike's loyalty to his family leaves Rachel feeling like she is "last on the list". When Rachel feels unprotected, she tries to handle her pain with logic, presenting ev...

19 Maj 1h 15min

S3 | Session 12: Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The Cost of "Going With the Flow"

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Doing real emotional work is physically exhausting. When Mike logs on for this session, the very first thing he shares is that he feels completely "taxed and jumbled". He is asking his brain to operat...

12 Maj 1h 6min

S3 | Session 11: You Can't Problem Solve Your Way Out of Pain

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