EP60 - Evolutionary Psychology Insights Regarding Dating and Mating

Welcome to episode 339 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome Stephanie Ganowski the podcast. In this episode, we discuss how to have conversations about boundaries and communicating sexual desires in a relationship.   Stephanie Ganowski is a Clinical Sexologist & Sex Coach for men, living in NYC. Her mission is to help men replace their sex pressures with sex pleasures.   Growing up, Steph was severely introverted and shy. She felt very challenged when it came to making friends and feeling confident in herself. She constantly questioned herself and her actions, while remaining hyper curious about those around her. Due to her low self-esteem, she allowed people into her life who “matched” the way she treated herself. Afterall, it felt “right” and comfortable. This included the men she attracted romantically.   Eventually, the prolonged mistreatment from men (and herself) was jolted by 5 incredibly caring, supportive, hilarious guys, she randomly befriended on Instagram, during a hard time. This was a huge wakeup call for Steph. It made her realize that not all men were “assholes” like she had thought. It was her mindset and lack of social skills that put her in the place she had been in.   “But what about these “asshole” guys from her past experiences? What’s going on with them? They must have pain too…” This curiosity led her to want to understand her relationship with men more closely and understand men in general. Step one for Steph, was to start working with men, 1:1, gain their trust, reach their vulnerable side and find a way to help them. Through understanding men and helping them heal and see progress in their lives, Steph would also learn to how to heal and bring people together. Her goal is to eventually get to the place where she can also help women who feel the same way about men, as she once did.    In this episode, you will hear:   How communicating about sex and intimacy can lead to trust, passion, and desire. The best time to bring up a fetish or kink to a new partner How to prepare for communicating about vulnerable topics Why communication with a partner should focus on emotions and understanding Open-ended questions should provide a space for exploration without immediate implementation. How anal sex requires warming up with foreplay, lube, and a slow progression Why it's important to take care of partners' emotions and not take things personally How going to a dominatrix with a partner can be a helpful alternative to hands-on participation   Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast   Foreplay Checklist https://drmoali.clickfunnels.com/free-foreplay-checklist51618558   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

20 Juni 202330min

Welcome to episode 338 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome Avgi Saketopoulou to the podcast. In this episode, we discuss Avgi’s book, Sexuality Beyond Consent, and look at the complexity of eroticism and sexuality.  In her office situated in Union Square, Avgi Saketopoulou treats a diverse range of clients, including children as young as age 3, adults, couples, and polycules. She specializes in addressing various issues such as trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. With extensive experience in working with variant genders and queer sexualities, she provides comprehensive care for individuals across different age groups. Her practice embraces individuals from racially and ethnically diverse backgrounds.   Avgi Saketopoulou received her clinical psychology training in New York after moving to the United States from Greece and Cyprus. She subsequently completed training as a psychoanalyst at the New York University Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis.   In addition to her clinical practice, Avgi Saketopoulou is actively involved in academia. She teaches at the NYU PostDoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis and holds positions in various psychoanalytic institutes, including the William Alanson White Institute, the Stephen Mitchell Relational Center, and the National Institute for Psychotherapies. She offers courses that incorporate an intersectional perspective on psychosexuality and gender.   Contributing to the field, Avgi Saketopoulou publishes her own research, serves on the editorial boards of academic journals, leads study groups, and provides supervision for colleagues' clinical work. In October 2021, she co-chaired the inaugural conference "Laplanche in the States: the Sexual and the Cultural," the first US-based event dedicated to the work of Jean Laplanche. She is also a co-executor of the Muriel Dimen Literary Estate, which administers Dr. Dimen's archive, as well as manages the Muriel Dimen Prize (through Div 39) and the Muriel Dimen Grant through NYU Postdoc.    In this episode, you will hear:   How Avgi's book was inspired by Jeremy O. Harris' play "Slave Play." Why transformational experiences stem from pushing limits, not safety. The way “Limit Consent" acknowledges trauma's impact on boundaries. Avgi Saketopoulou explores art's risk-taking potential for new experiences. Why consent is important in exploring the limits of desires and identities How race and sexuality intertwine historically, shaping desire and limit consent. The way limit consent enables transformative overwhelm in erotic encounters.  Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast   Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

13 Juni 202330min

Welcome to episode 337 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome Katie Runyan to the podcast. In this episode, we discuss role play and its benefits for enhancing sexual intimacy in relationships, using role play on date nights and the best way to introduce roleplay to your partner.  Katie Runyan is a co-founder of FaithfulFling and lives in KCMO with her husband Jon and four teenage children. She loves donuts, napping, writing and helping relationships all around the world create a spark in the bedroom by having a healthy, passionate and thriving sex life!  The idea for Faithful Fling came as a result of their own role-playing over the years. They recognized that it had increased their connection, improved their sex life, and brought back some novelty to their relationship. It gave them an avenue to improve sensitive and intimate communication as well. They figured if it worked for them, it could work for any committed relationship that was willing to give it a try. They envisioned a scenario where they would do all of the work and their customers would have all of the fun.   They could add to the value by building in lots of fun and surprises that would keep everyone interested and excited to see what would happen next. They loved the idea and nothing else on the market provided the same level of excitement, surprises, and level of detail as what they wanted to provide, so they finally took the leap and launched FaithfulFling.com in February of 2022. They are so proud to help other marriages improve their sex life, put a spark back between the sheets, and put some effort into their marriage again.   They hope you’ll join and see what role-playing with Faithful Fling can do for your marriage!   In this episode, you will hear:   How role play and its benefits can enhance sexual intimacy in relationships. Using the erotic mind with a partner to allow for vulnerability and communication. Looking at popular role play scenarios include naughty nurse and patient. How role play adds novelty and playfulness to date nights. Why curiosity instead of defensiveness can lead to better results. Committing to the role to make roleplay more immersive and realistic. The best way to introduce roleplay to your partner.  Faithful Fling Click here to start your free trial with Faithful Fling and explore role playing with your partner! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast  Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

6 Juni 202331min

Welcome to episode 336 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome Lola Jean to the podcast. In this episode, we discuss the topic of quickies, how they can bring couples closer together, understanding communication is key in navigating the core of the quickie and how you can add novelty to the excitement.  Lola Jean is a sex educator, mental health professional, fetish wrestler, Domme, writer, and world record holder for volume squirting. She has been actively involved in the field of sex education for over a decade.   Lola Jean's journey to becoming a sex educator began when she was in college. After completing her degree in psychology and gender studies, she started working as a mental health professional and soon realized that there was an immense need for more comprehensive sex education. She decided to fill this gap by offering her own workshops and courses on the subject.   Lola Jean's most popular workshop is called "No Frills Sex Education", which covers topics such as anatomy, consent, communication skills, pleasure-based learning, sexual health and safety tips, and much more. She also offers other courses such as "Quick 'N' Dirty" and "Free Courses". Her workshops have had a positive impact on many people's lives by providing them with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their sexual health.   In addition to her work as a sex educator, Lola Jean is also an accomplished fetich wrestler and world record holder for volume squirting (solo). She has been featured in several publications such as The New York Times Magazine and VICE Magazine.    In this episode, you will hear:   How quickies can have benefits for busy couples looking to carve out time for intimacy without pressure and with the added feeling of being desired. The buildup of tension and anticipation through sexting and touching can enhance the experience of a quickie.  Suggestions for physical touching during a quickie include possessive touch, bated breath, and the "skin to skin" position.  Communication and negotiation are important for initiating a quickie to ensure both partners get what they want and to avoid coercive behavior.  Use of language and words during a quickie should be discussed ahead of time to avoid landmine words that could turn off a partner.  The novelty of discreet locations outside of the bedroom can also add excitement to quickies.  Foreplay Checklist Discover 9 tantalizing ways to ignite your foreplay!  https://drmoali.clickfunnels.com/free-foreplay-checklist51618558   Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast   Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

30 Maj 202332min

Welcome to episode 335 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome Ness Cooper to the podcast. In this episode, we discuss shower sex experiences, benefits, drawbacks, techniques, and accommodating diverse preferences and situations.  Ness Cooper is a Sex and Relationship Expert with over ten years of experience. She has helped individuals, couples, and those in polyamorous relationships find fluidity in intimacy and pleasure. She has a background in counselling with a focus on sex and relationships and has trained in the UK as well as internationally.   Ness has trained in youth sex education and is part of the esteem network by acet. Her favorite study has been studying with the Kinsey Institute of Human Sexuality, and therapy courses run by TASHRA. Ness is kink positive and has trained in kink education and has a paper on BDSM and disabilities coming out in 2022.   She runs a popular Sex Toy review blog. Ness is regularly quoted in the press and has been mentioned in a book about female sexual fantasies "Garden of Desire". Not only does Ness coach people in human sexuality, but she also teaches other professionals on various subjects around sexual wellbeing.   Wanting to learn as much as possible, she has also trained in Pelvic Floor Biomechanics, sea sponges, pessaries, and mental health safeguarding.   In this episode, you will hear:   How most people prefer shower sex over beach sex based on a recent poll.  The benefits of shower sex including different sensations, temperature variations, privacy, and different positions. Establishing boundaries in shower sex, consider order of entry, temperature preferences, lubricant choice, and sex toy integration. Recommended sex toys for shower use include heated vibrators, glass and metal toys, suction handrails, and specialized furniture. Health concerns during shower sex may include proper cleaning of the shower head How positions such as spooning while standing can be a good introduction to shower sex. The importance of aftercare for vulva owners and neurodivergent individuals.  Foreplay Checklist Discover 9 tantalizing ways to ignite your foreplay!  https://drmoali.clickfunnels.com/free-foreplay-checklist51618558   Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast   Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audioAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

23 Maj 202327min

Welcome to episode 334 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome David Khalili to the podcast. In this episode, we discuss the challenges men face due to traditional ideas of masculinity and how this impacts their relationships and communication with partners.  David F. Khalili, MA, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist whose practice is focused on working with men, adolescents, couples therapy, and multi-ethnic individuals. He received his master's degree in counseling psychology from Golden Gate University and a master's degree in Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University.   During his graduate studies, David completed his practicum internship at UCSF AIDS Health Project and followed up with a post-graduate psychodynamic intensive program at The Psychotherapy Institute. Additionally, he has extensive experience working with teenagers, as well as with those experiencing grief, trauma and substance abuse issues. His expertise also lies in working with multi-ethnic individuals and those who have recently immigrated or are first-generation American born.    David specializes in issues ranging from sex and sexuality, sexual disorders and anxiety, to trauma and PTSD, and men's groups. His approach focuses on helping his clients improve their self-awareness - guiding them to understand how they relate to themselves and their life experiences, and how to reach the goals they desire.    In this episode, you will hear:   The limitations traditional masculinity imposes on men in terms of emotional expression.  How traditional masculinity encourages men to only rely on themselves  How men often experience a narrow spectrum of emotions and struggle to communicate their feelings with their partner  The impacts David had growing up in a multicultural household, witnessing the impact of cultural expectations on the expression of emotions.  The way toxic positivity and uncommunicated expectations can cause resentment and psychological distress in relationships.  Understanding the concept of "soul murder" where individuals kill off parts of themselves to conform to societal norms.  How sexual response cycles can help individuals better accept and manage their emotions and reactions in relationships. Anxiously Intimate Save 30% on the Anxiously Intimate course bundle using code MOALI30  https://www.rouseacademy.com/offers/o8mcR6jr   Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast  Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

16 Maj 202335min

Welcome to episode 333 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome back Zachary Zane. In this episode, we discuss his new book Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, the importance of including men in the sex positivity movement and increasing bisexual male visibility in media and society.  Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based columnist, speaker, activist, and sex expert whose work focuses on sexuality, lifestyle, and culture.    He has a weekly sex advice column at Men’s Health titled “Sexplain It,” where he answers a diverse range of questions pertaining to masculinity, ethical non-monogamy, sexual insecurities, and the LGBTQ community. He answers questions with actionable advice that isn’t just “communicate with your partner,” because let’s be real, we all know that already.    He also has a monthly column at Queer Majority called “Zach and the City,” which explores romance and sexuality through Zane’s fabulous life. Set against the backdrop of New York City, Zane uses his personal experiences as a young and adventurous queer socialite to unpack the current state of cosmopolitan sex, love, and dating.     He currently writes for The Washington Post, Rolling Stone, and Prevention. He was formerly a digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and a contributing editor at Pride.com, Plus Magazine, and The Advocate Magazine. He’s been featured in numerous other publications as well, including Playboy, NBC, SELF, Allure, Dazed, AskMen, Slate, Into, Them, Cosmopolitan, Hornet, NewNowNext, LGBTQ Nation, MerryJane, and Bustle.   In this episode, you will hear:   Why Zachary wrote his memoir focusing on bisexual men overcoming sexual shame.  How even growing up in a sex-positive and queer-affirming household, he still experienced sexual shame.  The importance of including men in the sex positivity movement, as they are often left out due to societal expectations and stereotypes.  The challenges bisexual men face when dating, such as disbelief, condescension, or assumptions that they will later come out as gay.  The importance of bisexual representation in media to help normalize the identity and combat stereotypes.  Advice for individuals exploring their sexuality, suggesting not focusing on a label initially and focusing on understanding their feelings and attractions instead.   Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast   Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

9 Maj 202341min

Welcome to episode 332 of Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome back Dr. Greg Matos. In this episode, we discuss monogamy in the 21st century, ways in which you can manage temptation and the impact platforms like OnlyFans are having on relationships.  Dr. Greg Matos is a board-certified Couple and Family Psychologist who served over a decade in the U.S. Marine Corps and Navy, becoming a Lieutenant Commander. Greg was awarded the Bronze Star with Combat Valor and the Department of State’s Award for Heroism. He’s the author of Shattered Glass: The Story of a Marine Embassy Guard.   After the military, Dr. Greg began specializing in systems work and Gottman-Method Couples Therapy. He founded a charity on TikTok @abetterloveproject to share science-based advice on love and life with his 40,000 audience members. You can join him for a casual chat and mindful breathing every day on TikTok.  In this episode, you will hear:   A look into the Better Love Project and why Dr. Greg started it  Analyzing monogamy in the 21st century  The way in which social media has affected relationships Looking at the impacts of opening your relationship Understanding how micro-cheating works  Balancing your desire whilst in a monogamous relationship Ways in which you can manage temptation The importance of knowing your core values Keeping communication open with your partner for the long haul The impact platforms like OnlyFans are having on relationships Building trust and commitment for a healthy relationship  Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexologypodcast   Job Posting https://www.indeed.com/job/licensed-mental-health-therapist-private-practice-025459e5bb2c89fe   Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

2 Maj 202352min