005 - Izzy’s Story: It’s a Thinking Problem

Izzy shares her journey through active addiction and into a vibrant recovery. She opens up about her dual diagnosis of PTSD and severe anxiety, how her desire to escape herself led to blacking out on Vicodin and booze at 14, addiction to inhalants and psychedelics and an abusive 20-year marriage. Izzy’s story illuminates the insidious nature of the disease. and the profound miracles she's found in working the 12 Steps. John and Jason find deep identification with Izzy's struggles, particularly around the perils of "alcoholic thinking" and the unique challenges of early recovery. As usual, we laugh at all the wrong things and a good time is had by all.Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• Early Onset Addiction: Izzy shares her first experiences with Vikodin and alcohol, the immediate sense of "unlocking a secret," and blacking out at age 14.
• The Path of Self-Destruction: How addiction derailed her academic and career aspirations, leading to polysubstance abuse and an abusive marriage driven by a desire to avoid self-responsibility.
• Dual Diagnosis & Trauma: The impact of severe anxiety, PTSD, and the connection between unresolved trauma and the urge to escape reality.
• "Whack-a-Mole" Addiction: Izzy's experience of getting off one substance only to immediately pick up another, illustrating the core problem being the addiction itself.
• The Power of the 12 Steps: Her initial resistance to AA, the "homework" from her therapist that led her to her first meeting, and how embracing the steps (especially after addressing underlying issues) transformed her life.
• Sponsorship & Service: The profound impact of sponsoring others, the challenges of losing a sponsee to overdose, and the "gift" of seeing her darkest experiences help others.
• Spirituality & Self-Efficacy: Izzy’s journey from scientific atheist to believing in a "guardian angel" therapist, and how recovery helped her regain a sense of self-worth and purpose.
• The Dangers of "Alcoholic Thinking": The group deeply identifies with the self-centeredness, grandiosity, and self-pity that define active addiction and how it creeps back in.
• The Serenity Prayer & Gratitude: Daily practices that help Izzy stay sober and avoid the pitfalls of her thinking.

Memorable Quotes:

• I was afraid to be a human and I didn't like it here. I hated Earth.”
• “I was really on this amazing path and I completely fucked it all up. Partly because of the drinking and using, but partly because of the alcoholic thinking.”
• I started doing all sorts of drugs…And I thought that I was connecting with God. I thought it was my secret to connecting with God. There was this thought that then. I remember thinking that, you know, I bet there's a way to like this without drugs. And I hope that someday I get to experience that.”
• "There are three words an alcoholic can say that are the most dangerous, and it's ‘I’VE BEEN THINKING’”
• "My life has really become, is becoming, more and more amazing." – On the transformative power of recovery.

Links:

MySpiritualToolKit.com

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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