Is ‘Fawning’ Sabotaging Your Tech Career? How to Stop People-Pleasing and Reclaim Your Voice

In this episode, Gena explores the often-overlooked stress response of ‘fawning’: a reflex to people-please and avoid conflict that silently erodes the resilience and clarity of tech professionals. Gena breaks down how this hidden behaviour manifests in code reviews, backlog meetings, and scope creep, leading to burnout and a loss of authentic contribution. KEY TAKEAWAYS Alongside fight, flight, and freeze, ‘fawn’ is a reflex to appease others to avoid conflict. In tech, this often looks like volunteering for every bug fix or softening valid critiques to avoid upsetting colleagues. While fawning might smooth over immediate tension, the long-term cost is your clarity, authenticity, and sustainability. Over time, hiding your true opinion drains your energy and diminishes your expert value. Agile environments that value speed and constant collaboration can inadvertently reward fawning. The pressure to be a ‘team player’ in sprint retrospectives and always-on communication channels can make boundaries feel risky. Before automatically saying ‘yes’ to a request, take a moment to ask yourself: Do I have the capacity? Does this align with my goals? Am I saying yes just to manage someone else's reaction? You don't need a massive confrontation to stop fawning. Small actions, like deferring a reply until you’ve checked your workload or clarifying your ‘no’ with context, can help you regain your voice without burning bridges. BEST MOMENTS "Fawning is not just a personality quirk; it's a signal. A red flag for people in high-stakes, high-visibility roles like many of us in tech." "Maybe you soften your critique in code reviews because you don't want a colleague to feel bad, or you take on side projects because you hope it will earn you trust, or just to avoid being seen as difficult." "When you align your yeses with your values and your capacity, and when you allow your 'no s' to keep your system clear, you are not just more authentic, you are more effective." "You’d rather cover than confront. Hiding the stress. You feel anxious about how you'll be seen if you set a boundary, so you keep silent." "For us in tech, that might mean refusing to build a feature you don't believe is ethical, or lobbying for time to improve the infrastructure instead of being the hero who constantly patches emergencies." HOST BIO Gena Frangina, a seasoned software engineer with over a decade of industry experience, is your trusted host on the "IT Stress Relief" Podcast. Her unique background includes a profound passion for psychology, culminating in the attainment of a Business Psychology MSc. Gena's diverse skill set extends to accreditation as a Hypnotherapist, under the tutelage of Paul McKenna and his renowned team, as well as expertise in wellness coaching. This extensive blend of technical acumen and psychological insight positions Gena as an exceptional host in the IT world. She not only understands the intricacies of the field but also excels in guiding IT professionals towards holistic well-being. Tune in to Gena's podcast for enlightening interviews with IT specialists, and gain access to a wealth of knowledge. https://genafrangina.com/podcast/ https://www.facebook.com/gena.frangina IG: @gena.frangina This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/