325 SelfWork: Why You Might Be Blind to The Warning Signs of Narcissism

Today we’re focusing on what mental or emotional issues are connected with being drawn into relationship with someone with narcissistic traits, missing the warning signs that others might sense or see. We’ll briefly cover the different types of narcissism; you can find lists that include anything from four to seven subtypes but we’ll keep it simple. And then, we’ll venture into the “why” – why might you not recognize such a manipulative and potentially emotionally abusive pattern? Here’s a huge hint. What you live as a child becomes your normal, even if it’s far from healthy or even truly normal. It’s what you experience – so that’s your normal. And you can bring that definition into your adulthood as you seek out relationships.

The listener email is from a married woman who explains that her husband demands that they remain in a non-sexually-intimate relationship – or a dating relationship - so that he can fall back in love with her. But this has lasted twenty years! is it emotionally manipulative or could she married to someone who is more comfortable with a sexless marriage – and that could be driving this dynamic? I’ll offer my ideas..

Six Factors That Could Blind You to Narcissistic Manipulation

• You don't label abuse... as abuse.
• You're accustomed to rigid rules or control in your family or culture.
• You don't claim your own worth because you were not loved well.
• You take LOTS of responsibility; in fact, too much.
• You're not street smart or you're naīve.
• You chose to ignore your gut and instead, denied or discounted a clue that there was a problem and now, you feel stuck.

Vital Links:

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Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

VeryWell Health article on subtypes of narcissism.

New book by Katherine Schafler The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control

Article on loving a narcissist by Dr. Margaret

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

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