You Don't Have to be Falling Apart to Need Healing - Kemmi Sadler

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120 - You Don't Have to be Falling Apart to Need Healing - Kemmi Sadler

In this episode of the First Responder Wellness Podcast, Conrad sits down with Kemmi Saddler, a former local law enforcement officer who went from dispatch to patrol—and then into a 20-year career with the Diplomatic Security Service, protecting people and places most of us will never see.

Her story turns on a hinge: her last day in local policing was September 10, 2001—then, hours later, 9/11 reshaped everything. From Kuwait to Iraq, she describes the slow, invisible accumulation of stress: the “duck and cover” alarms you stop reacting to, the hypervigilance that becomes normal, and the body keeping score in ways you don’t immediately recognize (TMJ, clenched teeth, numbing, alcohol as relief).

What makes this conversation land is the honesty about what happens after the career—when the identity fades and the grief, guilt, and unresolved moments finally speak up. Kemmi shares how a podcast mention of ayahuasca sparked a two-year healing journey, not as a miracle cure, but as a door that required courage, surrender, and real integration work.

The takeaway is simple and heavy: you don’t have to be “falling apart” to need healing. If silence feels impossible, that might be the point.

ABOUT KEMMI SADLER Kemmi Sadler is a retired U.S. Diplomat and Supervisory Special Agent with the U.S. Department of State’s Diplomatic Security Service. Over a 26-year career as a sworn law enforcement officer and federal agent, she served in high-threat assignments across Iraq, Afghanistan, Uganda, Mexico, and El Salvador, where she received multiple Superior Honor Awards for leadership and crisis response. She began her law enforcement career as a police officer in St. Augustine, Florida. In April, Kemmi will walk 780 kms along the Camino de Santiago with her dog, Nona, in a pilgrimage called Nona’s Way, continuing her commitment to service beyond the badge while raising awareness surrounding the need for mental health and trauma recovery in the first responder community. Kemmi is also the author of From the Badge to the Vine, a reflective memoir exploring moral injury, identity, and the long work of healing after a life shaped by service. Drawing from her lived experience, the book examines what it takes to carry insight into everyday life once the badge is turned in.

klsadler.com Nona’s Way Campaign nonasway.com / INSTAGRAM: @Nonas_Way_

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